“I know.”
“The other one,” I said even though I knew he knew who I was talking about.
“Yeah,” he whispered.
“I was worried that was all I’d ever find.”
“I get that.”
It was then, what he’d said the night we became lovers made sense to me.
“So I put on a disguise so I’d be hidden, in a way, and never find anything.”
He kept stroking my jaw and whispering, “Yeah. That’s what you did. And you know what I love?”
What he loved?
Loved?
My heart skipped another beat for a very different reason as my eyes shifted to his.
“What do you love, Jake?”
“I love that you shed that disguise watchin’ me fight. That whatever broke through for you broke through then. Bein’ there for me, watchin’ me do somethin’ I’ve always loved to do. I know you didn’t wanna go but you went for me. After, you still walk the walk and talk the talk, baby, but since you pulled your panties down for me and took my c**k against that wall, all I got is you. All the kids got is you. We had you before but I feel the difference and it’s not about havin’ you here with me, na**d in your bed. It’s just havin’ you. Laughin’ and gettin’ up in Mia’s face in your way and bein’ there for Amber when she’s excited about a boy and bein’ happy and showin’ that I give that to you. You’re willin’ to take a chance on this. Work on it with me. Takin’ that shot for the first time in years. With me. That’s what I love.”
When he was done speaking, my eyes were again wet so his hand moved and his thumb swept my cheekbone as if preparing to catch the tears should they fall.
“Don’t be pissed at Lydie for sharing,” he ordered gently.
I shook my head, unable to come to terms with that part of this conversation with Jake warm and close and being more than his usual wonderful.
“I suppose her doing it means I don’t have to relive it,” I noted.
And I didn’t want to relive it.
Gran had managed to give me that too.
But it was me who took a lot of me away and my eyes drifted back to his shoulder when I noted, “I’ve lost a lot of life to that disguise, Jake.”
The pads of his fingers put pressure on my face and when he got my gaze back, he replied, “You’re livin’ it now, Josie. But can you seriously look back and say you didn’t have a full life before, with all you’ve done, the people you know, the places you’ve been?”
I shook my head again.
“No,” he agreed then smiled. “It’s just that now you got more.”
Now I had more.
So much more.
“Is this what Gran wanted for us, do you think?” I asked.
I watched something shift in Jake’s eyes before his hand slid down to my neck, his thumb started stroking my throat and he answered firmly, “Yes.”
“So you think wherever she is, she’s happy?”
Another firm, “Yes.”
I thought so too, I liked that thought, actually loved it, so I relaxed underneath him. “Good.”
It seemed like he was going to say something but then he didn’t. He bent in and touched his mouth to mine. Then he did it again. And again. Then he touched his mouth to mine but didn’t pull it away because he was kissing me.
As he did, he rolled me so I was on top.
At that point, I kissed him.
After a while, we rolled again so I was on bottom.
And at that point, Jake again took over the kiss.
He ended it by trailing his lips down to my neck where he murmured, “Thank f**k I brought a bunch of condoms.”
I was okay with him going “ungloved.”
I had a feeling the way he looked out for me though, he wasn’t.
But two seconds later, when I felt his hardness pressed against my thigh, his hand closed over my breast and his mouth came to mine, I wasn’t thinking about condoms.
I wasn’t thinking at all.
Not about anything (not even coffee).
Nothing.
Except Jake.
* * * * *
I was in the garden and I didn’t have a lot of time.
September was moving swiftly toward October and I needed the dead plants out, the soil fertilized and turned in order to put it to rest for winter.
I was thinking I’d plant tomatoes in the coming spring. Corn. Potatoes. Pumpkins.
Yes, definitely pumpkins. Ethan might like having a pumpkin from my garden to carve for Halloween.
Jake had left after I made us sandwiches for lunch. He’d been gone half an hour. It was nearing on one. Time was running out.
The garden had seemed a great deal smaller when I’d helped Gran work it years ago. Now it seemed rather large. There was no way I was going to get what I needed to get done that day.
I’d have to do what I didn’t get done tomorrow.
This was because I had to be at Alyssa’s for my freebie mani-pedi at three, before that I had to pick Ethan up from school. Then drinks afterward. Which meant I needed to look presentable.
I definitely needed to look presentable later. When I picked Ethan up from Alyssa’s, Jake said I should stay for dinner at his place since I was going with him to the club after. This was so he could show me the lay of the land “should you hang there and keep an eye on it for me” (this last said with lips quirking like this would never happen and he was humoring me).
But I was going to hang there and keep an eye on it for him. He had way too many responsibilities. He didn’t think it was true, but he needed my assistance.
I’d show him how much better it was when “his woman” looked after him.
On this thought, I yanked out a dead corn stalk but did it smiling.
My smile froze when I heard, “Josephine.”
My head snapped up and I saw Henry standing outside the white fence that surrounded the garden.
Unlike yesterday, when I didn’t have the time to make the comparison, today I did.
And I saw what I’d been seeing for decades. That Henry Gagnon was tall, dark and handsome. He had lovely thick hair that seemed immune to gray (and I knew he didn’t dye it) and strong facial features that were most striking.
But not like Jake. Henry’s looks were smoother, more refined.
It must be said that of the men of our acquaintance, Henry had an edge.
But that edge was nowhere near as sharp as Jake’s.
He looked me from top to toe and his blank face turned into a blank mask. The difference was a nuance but I knew him well enough to see it. I also knew what it meant.