Asheeka had.
In fact, she told me, after eating the pie (and the fresh breadsticks, and partaking of her portion of the big salad with banana peppers, olives, homemade croutons, and a healthy dusting of freshly shaved parmesan cheese in a light oil-based dressing) that I didn’t owe her for shower duty. My marker was paid.
I got that. The food was that good, and the warm and welcoming feel of the red-and-white-checkered-tablecloth-table-filled room, with pictures of family mounted all over the walls, couldn’t be beat.
Still, I was going to do something more for her. I had to. I was me.
I’d woken up four mornings in a row in Benny’s arms to soft “heys,” nuzzles, and warm arm squeezes, but Benny didn’t push it any further. We kissed, often. No hot and heavy make out sessions, but he frequently laid one on me, either claiming my mouth in a sweet kiss, brushing his lips against mine, or taking his time to make it deeper, but there was no pressure. No pushing.
With other displays of affection, like hand-holding, turning me in his arms every once in a while just to give me a hug and touch his mouth to my neck, I had the feeling he was giving me the chance to get used to him. It wasn’t about making certain I was fit and healthy. It was about making certain I was fit and healthy, mentally. Ready to go there with him, take the next step.
It was like we were living together, but Benny was still giving me the dating-to-get-to-know-you-better part of the relationship and that was pure Benny. Thoughtful. Generous. Sweet.
Awesome.
So it had been a good three days.
No, outside of my own issues that messed up the first part, it had been a good nine days, made good by Benny from the beginning.
Minute by minute was working.
Fabulously.
Or it had been.
Until ten minutes earlier.
Now I was worried the minute-by-minute business was going to fail and do it miserably.
This was on my mind when I hit the alley behind the pizzeria and parked next to Benny’s Explorer, the only car in a lot that was used only by employees.
It was relatively early. The pizzeria didn’t open for lunch, dinner only. They started taking walk-ins at four thirty for orders of takeaway, but didn’t start seating until five.
But Ben had gone in because he had sauce to make. I’d learned in the last three days that he had kids who could make the croutons, whip up the homemade Caesar dressing they used, toss the salads, prepare the homemade pasta, assemble the casseroles, and roll the meatballs.
But the sauce and the pizza dough were made only by Vinnie or Benny.
I parked and got out, walking swiftly to the back door. I prayed it was open because I needed to get to Benny and not do it after pounding on the door, hoping he’d hear me. I tried the door, and for once, my prayers were answered.
I walked in and saw what I’d seen the hundreds of times I’d entered the pizzeria through the kitchen’s back in the days when I was with Vinnie. Stacked up in the space around the door were used kegs. Empty crates that had held vegetables. Discarded boxes.
There was a door to an employee washroom to one side, to the other, a big room lined in stainless steel shelves that held everything the pizzeria needed, from durum flour to toilet paper.
Down the hall I went, passing two more doors: one side, the door to what was now Benny’s office; the other side, a stainless steel door that led into a walk-in fridge.
I was curious to see how Benny had claimed Vinnie’s office, but I was on a mission fueled by a freak out so I kept going, past the last door, which was a walk-in freezer, then I was in the kitchen.
Stainless steel worktable down the middle with a shelf unit that had heating lights where they put prepared plates or pies. Three spindles hanging where they clipped orders. Utensils on hooks. More stainless steel tables around the walls. Big sinks. A back area where more sinks and the industrial dishwashers were. Stainless steel cabinets mounted on the walls that held plates, bowls, glasses. Lower cabinets that held pots, pans, skillets, trays, and drawers with cutlery. Smaller wire shelving under the wall cabinets that gave easy access to herbs and spices. Massive pizza ovens and three enormous restaurant-quality stoves.
Benny’s domain. His kingdom. Where he worked to pay his mortgage and did it in a way that his twenty-five employees could pay their rent.
I stopped just in the kitchen, suddenly not thinking of my problem but, instead, thinking of what could be the crushing weight of being the driving force behind a business where people depended on you to do a large variety of things right on a day-to-day basis. From scheduling correctly, to not over- or under-purchasing tomatoes, to making certain wait staff was trained right, to ensuring every pizza pie and breadstick went out with equal quality, making the dinner an experience to remember and leaving the patron always wanting to come back for more.
With these thoughts coming to me, I turned my eyes to the left to see Ben in his white t-shirt and jeans, standing at one of the stoves, stirring what was in one of two humongous pots there.
The air was filled with the mouth-watering smell of garlic mixed with a subtle hint of fresh cut herbs and I saw big cutting boards on the worktable behind Benny that had the residue of green on one, the juice and seeds of tomatoes on another.
“Babe.”
He spoke and my eyes went to him.
When they did, his gaze moved over my face, his head cocked to the side, and he immediately moved to me, saying, “Jesus, what happened?”
“You know minute by minute?” I asked. He came to a stop a foot away, holding my gaze and nodding slowly. “Well, the next minute is gonna be a lot harder than the last bazillion of them,” I declared.
“Talk to me,” he demanded.
“You’re working,” I replied.
His head jerked slightly in surprise at my words and he said, “Yeah, I am, and you’re here because you’re freaked so now I’m not. Now, I’m standin’ here waitin’ for you to talk to me.”
I shook my head. “What I mean is, you’re working. This is me. I’m freaking and you’re working and I should be good, have a mind to that, keep my shit together, and wait to discuss this with you at a time when you can focus on it, not at a time when you might burn the sauce.”
I watched his face set to firm before he said, “Sauce cooks for-fuckin’-ever and is in no danger of burnin’. But I wouldn’t give a shit if it burned. You got somethin’ on your mind, you talk to me and I’ll listen, even if it takes five hours. I can make more sauce.”
God.
Benny.
“What I’m sayin’ is” —I kept at it, thinking it imperative he heed my warning— “I’m about drama. That’s me and you need to know that. I tried to talk myself out of comin’ here. I knew you’d be working and it wasn’t cool that I interrupted you. That lasted about thirty seconds. Something’s bugging me, I’ll suck you in just to rant about what’s buggin’ me, but mostly, I’ll lay it on you because I want you to fix it for me.”