Ethan shrugged. ‘It sucked to begin with, but I got the hang of it after a while. I’d join the basketball team, or go out for whatever sport was in season, and things would settle down pretty quick.’
‘Guys don’t know how lucky they are,’ I shook my head, thinking of my own high school life: the cliques and strange, shifting hierarchies that I’d barely managed to get a handle on before we were tossing our graduation caps in the air, suddenly free.
‘What do you mean?’ Ethan looked over.
‘Just . . . girls are different.’ I explained. ‘You guys can shoot some hoops and swing by a kegger, and suddenly you’re in. But, I’ve lived in that town my whole life, and I still don’t know if I fit in.’
‘Sure you do.’ Ethan corrected me. ‘I’ve seen you at the diner, chatting with all the regulars. People love you.’
I didn’t reply. It was easy to think of Haverford as a picture postcard town, but nowhere was perfect. Sure, I could see the same people, day in, day out; exchange pleasantries, chat about the weather and the high school football game, but I’d often wondered, how quickly that friendly charm could slip. Last year, there’d been an accident: a car full of kids from the next town over, two dead on an icy stretch of highway at night. First came the platitudes, flowers on the side of the road and a tearful memorial service at the chapel out past Thompsett Falls, but then the whispers started, curling around morning coffee as the town mothers sat, chatting in the front booth; snaking louder across the street, in line at the post office, then finally scrawled in red paint across the lockers of the survivors in school.
Drunk. Slut. Killer.
It didn’t take much, in a town like this. I’d seen it for myself, the way even my mother’s friends took a half-step back after Dad left. As if the scandal were contagious, Mom somehow to blame for her own trust and ignorance.
I shook off the memories. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t think about it tonight. ‘So, I don’t know much about you, aside from your thing for tuna melts,’ I said.
‘Fire away,’ Ethan laughed. ‘Like I said, open book.’
‘Parents?’ I asked, thinking of my own tangled family.
‘Together, all good as far as I can tell.’
‘Siblings?’ I asked, quickly, to stop him repeating the question back at me. I didn’t talk about Mom with anyone. Not even my best friend, Alisha, knew.
‘A brother, older,’ Ethan replied, tapping on the steering wheel. ‘He’s at Yale,’ he added, with a wry note in his voice.
‘What about you, did you not think about college?’
‘Nah.’ Ethan made a face. ‘School was never my thing. I’ve been helping Dad out for years, and business is good again, so I figure, why not? I’ll learn more on site than I would sitting in a classroom somewhere, taking notes.’ He paused, ‘What about you? What’s the big plan?’
‘No plan.’ I hugged my knees up to my chest, toying with the chipped blue polish on my toenails. ‘I like history, maybe psychology. I’ll see once I get there. But enough about school and Haverford.’ I looked over. ‘You’re supposed to be distracting me from all of that.’
Ethan laughed. ‘I didn’t realize, is that the deal?’
‘Yes.’ I smiled. ‘It’s why I agreed to go out with you tonight.’
‘Well then.’ Ethan gave me a sideways look. ‘I’d better not let you down.’
We saw an action movie in the end, filled with enough brutal fight scenes and bright explosions to send all thoughts from my mind for a couple of hours. I relaxed, adjusting to Ethan’s presence beside me, solid in the dark, and when he reached over to take my hand, just as the trailers ended, I didn’t pull away. Instead, I curled my fingers through his, feeling the warmth and slight dampness of his palm. My heartbeat sped, faster, as if my body were detached from my brain, feeling each shift of motion in his body and the light press of his thigh against mine with an unfamiliar rush.
He was watching me. I could tell out of the corner of my eye, glancing over under the guise of reaching for the soda. The lights from the screen danced across his face, blue and white; his jawline smudged with stubble, hair now drying with a faint curl. His eyes met mine, and I quickly turned back to the movie, tilting my head so my hair fell, a curtain of privacy between us.
In the dark, I felt his breath quicken, half a beat.
I was still. I knew what was coming, felt the intention from his body even before his arm slid over the back of my seat and he slowly leaned in.
I turned my face up to meet him as his lips found mine. He tasted of salted popcorn and sweet bubblegum, was almost tentative as he parted my lips and slid his tongue deeper into my mouth. I listened to the roar of gunfire on-screen, and kissed him back.
Ethan drove me home and put the truck in park. We kissed for half an hour there, Ethan’s hands, clutching at my sweater; my body, pressed against him, until finally he detached himself, catching his breath.
‘I should go.’ He pulled away, running one hand through his mussed-up hair. He looked disoriented, breathing fast, and I felt a curl of satisfaction to see his usual easy calm so flustered. I leaned over the gear shift to kiss an experimental line along his jaw.
‘So go,’ I murmured, reaching his ear and biting down gently on his lobe. He flinched under my touch and I felt a flash of power.
‘I have an early start tomorrow,’ Ethan protested weakly.
‘You can go anytime you like,’ I smiled. I hooked a finger over his top button and tugged him down to meet my mouth. ‘I’m not stopping you.’
‘You’re dangerous.’ Ethan let out a chuckle, and then he was kissing me again, cradling my face in his hands, slow and deliberate.
They were goodbye kisses, I could feel it, and with them, my panic began to rise. I hung on to his shirt, feeling the house loom behind me, dark and too still. I wanted to stay, exactly where we were: locked in the front cab of his truck with the music playing low and the engine humming behind every kiss. I was safe here, warm in his arms with the cocktail of adrenalin shivering in my veins, but when I got out of the truck, the night would be over. The temporary, carefree bubble I’d been living in would burst and I’d be left standing on my front step again, back in the cold, sharp darkness of my real world.
‘I really have to go.’ Ethan pulled away again, his voice apologetic. He cupped my cheek, a regretful smile. ‘Believe me, I’d stay here all night if I could, but I’ve got to be on the site before the rest of the crew. I can’t cut any corners just because I’m the boss’s son.’