I didn’t answer the voice. What was I meant to say? It had a point and it knew it. They were all questions that would be answered when I turned anyway.
I threw myself out the bed and scampered across the room to grab a pair of socks. The floors were always so cold here. Icy, icy cold. They will feel warm to me when I turn. So will Kaspar. Will I miss that?
Knowing there was no way I would sleep now, I turned and started to make my way through the darkness – the lamp only lit the one side of the room. But as I neared the opposite wall, my feet tangled in something and I stumbled, hopping along like my laces were tied together.
It was my coat, dumped on the floor the previous morning when I had rushed back in. I shook my head, pulling the sweaty T-shirt I had changed out of away from it and dumping both on the bed. As I did, the magazine that Autumn had given me fell out. I scowled at the faces beaming up at me, all dressed in black tie. It’s all right for some. But my curiosity burnt and I picked it up, examining the photos. I could pick out the vampires, gaunt and drawn; and the Sage, their scars bright and obvious across their right sides. But then there were others. They could all pass for humans at a glance, but there was something different about them. Their eyes were too colourful, or too large; their cheekbones too pronounced or their hair too fair; their was something ominous about the black ribbon tied around the arm of one girl and something wild about the eyes of another; and tucked in the hair of almost every girl was a black rose with white leaves – Death’s Touch.
I shuddered and rolled it up, deciding I would read it downstairs. Flicking the lamp off and feeling my way towards the door, I managed to get out without hitting anything else. In the entrance hall, I settled myself a few steps from the bottom of the staircase, leaning against the banister and working my way through the magazine, page by page.
Sage, vampires, the Damned, wolves, shifters, … other creatures with names in Latin that I couldn’t pronounce; all with grand titles like Lady or Duchess, Earl or Elder; all clothed in dresses with trains and ladies in tow, or suits with cumber bands and ties, inscriptions below each of the photos stating who it was, what event, when … all there, laid out like a fairytale concealed in gossip columns, agony aunts and articles featuring the latest trends in formal wear. I would have laughed if I hadn’t been so worked up about what was to come.
My thoughts wandered to the humans of the other dimensions. From what I could discern from my dream, they knew about all of this. What do they think of vampires? Are they accepting? What would happen if the humans of this dimension found out? But at the end of the day, vampires were predators and the humans of this dimension could never know about their existence – they caused enough panic in other dimensions and they didn’t even live there.
The weight on my shoulders grew heavier. I was a Heroine, but I barely even knew what that entailed and to top that off, I barely knew anything about the dimensions, and this was a world I was about to become part of.
On the bright side, my voice chirped in a tone so cheery I would slap it if I could; you get to see your father soon. That didn’t seem like such a bright side. It just filled me with dread and mounting anxiety. I hadn’t seen him in – I paused, counting the weeks back – three and a half months. I had changed. Will he approve of what I am? I mentally slapped myself. Of course he wouldn’t approve.
I was yanked from my thoughts by the sound of the doors being pulled open by one of the butlers. Kaspar entered, his cloak wrapped in his arms, nodding his thanks to the butler who glanced in my direction and promptly disappeared down a servant’s corridor.
Kaspar’s gaze followed the butler’s and he frowned. ‘What are you doing up so late?’
‘Sleeping wasn’t really working out for me,’ I admitted.
He bit his lower lip. ‘I tried not to think of your father and all of that, but I can’t help it.’
I shook my head and half raised and then lowered my shoulders. ‘Don’t worry about it.’ I patted the step beside me and he came and sat down, slinging the cloak over the banister. ‘Is this what it’s like, being a vampire? In each other’s heads all the time?’
He smiled. ‘Not really. We keep ourselves to ourselves.’ He picked the open magazine up off my lap and flicked through it. ‘You shouldn’t read this stuff. It’s just a load of gossip and crap.’
I took it back, a little annoyed. ‘I was just curious about the dimensions. Autumn gave it to me.’
He sighed, resting his forearms on his knees. ‘You can see what the other dimensions are like for yourself when we get to Athenea.’
‘I’d like to have some idea what the world I’m joining is like, you know,’ I muttered and he chuckled as I pouted.
He picked the magazine up again and flicked to the back page, holding it up and arching an eyebrow. ‘And Aunt Agatha is going to do that, is she?’
I shrugged, as if to say ‘why not?’ ‘Besides, I’ve been thinking,’ I murmured.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, until my side completely rested up against his. ‘Thinking about what?’ he asked, the corners of his mouth upturned into a smirk as though the idea of me thinking was amusing.
I took a deep breath. ‘About what your father said earlier. About turning.’
He froze. ‘Oh,’ he breathed.
‘You’ll turn me, won’t you? I don’t think I can face it if it’s not you.’ I entwined my fingers with his and looked up at him, my eyes wide and pleading as I felt a few tears prick their corners. When he didn’t answer I lowered them back to the marble of the staircase. ‘It’s crazy, this. I feel like I’m betraying everything. My vegetarianism, my humanity, my family …’
That’s because you are, my voice sneered, so callous, and I felt a tear slide down my face.
Kaspar reached up and brushed his thumb across my cheek, catching my tears. ‘Name your night, Girly,’ he whispered.
I pulled my hand out of his grasp, tugging the Queen’s locket out from beneath my shirt and letting it rest on my palm. I could feel the weight of her legacy just by holding it. She had died so I would sit here, in her son’s arms. So had Greg. My whole life had just been leading to this moment. I closed my eyes, letting the pendant fall back against my br**sts.
I had promised my father I would not turn. But I had no choice. I never had any choice.
‘Two nights from now,’ I muttered, shivering. Deciding on a date cemented it. It was happening.