I come back down to earth with a bump. I hadn’t even thought about the future. I’ve been so caught up in breathless speculation over if he even likes me or not, that I didn’t consider what this could actually be, or for how long.
“And the thing with Ethan . . .” he adds, hesitant.
“Was never ever a thing!” I say quickly.
“Oh. Cool.” He looks relieved.
“I don’t mind about, you know, the future and stuff.” I cringe. Apparently, awkward moments of intimacy rob me of all decent vocab. “Just because I’m leaving, it doesn’t mean we can’t . . . hang out.” Again with the eloquence.
Reeve looks over, his dark eyes inscrutable. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely!” I’m breathless now, seeing a way of getting what I want. Of getting Reeve, even for a little while. “We could just, spend time together. I mean, it’s not like I want to get married!”
He chuckles nervously, and I remember the number-one rule of teenage boys: Never ever mention the word marriage. Not even as a joke.
“Like you said, I’m just here for the summer,” I add quickly. “I’m not looking for anything serious.”
There’s silence, and I begin to wonder if that’s made me sound like some kind of slut, but then Reeve exhales, his lips curving into a slow grin.
“I feel kind of stupid now,” he admits, looking sheepish. “Assuming you wanted . . . I mean . . .”
I manage to laugh. “Full of yourself, huh?”
“I guess so.” He stays there for a moment, looking sideways at me. Then he moves his left hand to overlap mine on the step. I turn it over, linking my fingers through his while my heart sings.
He likes me!
“So . . .” Reeve grins at me again, and I grin back, almost embarrassed.
“So . . .” I echo, amazingly happy and nervous all in the same moment. Before, in the woods, that was sheer impulse. I didn’t have time to think about impressions or consequences or anything. But now . . . now every second drags out into forever as I sit here, waiting to kiss him again.
And then he leans in, reaching to touch my face as his lips slowly move closer to mine, and I forget everything.
I’m not a total innocent. I’ve kissed guys before. Guys I liked, guys I didn’t, guys who attacked my mouth like their tongue was a whirlpool, and guys who just kind of smushed their lips against mine and stood there, waiting. But none of that comes even close to kissing Reeve.
His breath is warm against my face as I move closer, mirroring him. I swear I’m so tense, I’m almost shaking, but if he notices, he doesn’t say. Resting his hand against my cheek for a moment, Reeve pauses, his lips barely touching me. I stop breathing. Then his mouth opens slightly, and his hand slips back toward my hair, and I just . . . fall into him.
Now I understand. Why Olivia sneaks and lies to her parents to spend more time with Cash. Why Ethan is willing to move cross-country to find a boy to date. Why Miriam Park and those other popular girls would trip into class giggly and swooning after making out with their boyfriends against the lockers.
Because this is incredible.
Eventually, we come up for air, Reeve loosening his pull on the back of my neck. I draw away slightly and let out a shaky breath, my whole body flying on some magical mix of hormones and adrenaline and pure Reeve. I fight to form a coherent thought.
“This casual thing . . .” Reeve says, his voice slightly hoarse. He clears his throat and then breaks into a mischievous look. “The person who thought it up deserves a medal.”
I laugh, the tension broken. “A Nobel Prize,” I agree, grinning.
“C’mere.” He reaches over and pulls me against him, one hand around my shoulder and the other twisting around my left hand. He exhales, and I feel it in the rise and fall of his ribs against me. “That’s better.”
So much better. I rest my head gently on his shoulder, the heat of his body warming me even through my blanket.
“So we’re good?” Reeve looks over to check. I nod happily. And then, just because I can, I lean up quickly and kiss his cheek. He grins, tightening his embrace. “Good.”
I’m not sure how long I sit there, snug in his arms, but soon I can’t help but let out a huge yawn. Reeve starts.
“I’m sorry — I didn’t even think.”
“It’s OK!” I tell him sleepily. “I’m”— yawn —“fine.”
Reeve squeezes me. “Sure you are. It’s almost . . .” He checks his watch. “After two? Jesus, I’ve got an early shift.”
“Oh, no!” I struggle to my feet. My legs get caught in the blanket and I stumble against him. Reeve catches me.
“Whoa, you don’t have to go falling at my feet.”
“Very funny.” I hit him gently. He grabs my hand and pulls it up to his shoulder. I move closer against him, still thrilled just by having his arms around me, solid and strong.
“About this thing . . .” he starts.
“Mhmmm?” I place a tiny kiss just below his earlobe, and then another just at the curve of his neck. The skin there is soft, and smells faintly of soap and laundry detergent.
“Maybe, we should keep it low-key,” Reeve suggests. I look up.
“Like, you mean a secret?”
He nods, dipping his head to kiss my forehead. “This town, it’s so small,” he explains. “One person finds out, and then they go talk to someone else, and suddenly, everyone knows everything.” A weird expression flickers across his face, like a shadow. “It gets so claustrophobic, all that pressure.”
“But would that mean you go back to ignoring me again,” I say, beginning to feel insecure.
“No way,” Reeve promises, shaking his head. “This would just be like, our thing. And when we’re out, with everyone, we would be like before. Friends.”
“Promise?” I check.
He kisses me lightly on my lips. “I swear. I really am sorry about earlier,” he adds, looking anxious.
I relax. “It’s OK. I was just, confused. I didn’t know how you felt.”
“And now you do.”
Reeve kisses me again, longer this time. I sigh, reaching up to slide both hands around his neck. Biting down gently on his lower lip, I feel him smile against me.
“I better get back.” Reluctantly, he pulls away. “But I’ll see you after work, at Ethan’s?” I nod. “Maybe I’ll give you a ride home. . . .” He gives me this look that melts me from the inside, and I wonder how the hell I’m supposed to act normal around him ever again.