“I get it. Totally cool. If we see you there, we see you there,” Ryan said.
“Hey, so, you two are going together, right?” I asked Alana and Ryan.
“Yup.”
“So, why don’t you take Emily, Spence? I know she needs a ride,” I lied, hoping he wouldn’t pick up on the fact that I couldn’t know that, since I didn’t even know about the wake before now.
Spencer smiled over at Emily—looking away before she looked up.
Hopefully, this was one match that’d work out well.
* * *
Grief struck the school like a tidal wave; the teachers cancelled homework for the week, and even my dad, when I woke up this morning and begged him not to make me go to school, just sighed and said, “Fine, stay home—but just for today.”
I froze on the spot, watching him walk away, half expecting him to turn back and say he was joking. But Dad wasn’t his usual self; I think the grief of losing his ex-wife and a student in the same year was taking its toll.
There was no point in going to school, anyway. David wouldn’t be there, and I couldn’t bear the emptiness surrounding that place without him. I only stayed at school yesterday for the small glimmer of hope that he might decide to come back. He didn’t. Instead, he had inflicted on me a foul taste of what life without him would be like, and already I couldn’t take it.
Sam stacked the last of the dinner plates on the counter beside the sink, and I flicked on the faucet to help wash the scraps down the ancient garbage disposal. There were an awful lot of leftovers tonight.
When the clock in the front entrance chimed seven, I sighed. The anticipation to possibly see David tomorrow—possibly tell him I was sorry, and maybe even tell him I’d take that last few months with him—made the day drag. I spent the better part of it out on my swing, just wishing he’d come by; even contemplated throwing the cat up in the tree just to entice him. And if I knew where he lived, I’d have gone over—without invitation.
My ears pricked to the sound of Dad and Vicki’s footsteps overhead. It was unusually empty in this house tonight; no TV buzzing from the lounge room, no laughter from Dad as he told Vicki about his day, and Sam, who normally tossed the forks in the air and caught them behind his back, dried them slowly and placed them quietly in the drawer. All the silence gave me too much time alone with my thoughts—never a good thing.
“Are you okay, Ara?” Sam said.
I jumped back from the sink, flicking the faucet off as water spilled over the edge, soaking my tank top. “Damn it.”
“Might wanna clean that up before Dad sees,” Sam said, drying a plate.
“It’s just water, Sam.”
“Yeah, but…you don’t want him asking how it happened, right?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, mopping it up with the floor mat.
“You were…pretty spaced out there for a bit.”
“I’m not going to flip, Sam.” I rolled my eyes. “I know everyone’s waiting for it, but I’m okay, really. Really!”
He took a long step sideways—away from the crazy person—and continued drying the dishes, wearing the same smug grin he always wore when he thought he had the upper hand.
That’s it! I dipped my fingertips into the sink then flicked dishwater all over his head.
“Argh, Ara!” He blinked, wiping his face, and when he looked up at me, revenge burning in his gaze, that little prank suddenly seemed like a better idea in theory. “Oh, you’re gonna pay for that.” He held the tea towel an arms length away, spinning it in circles to make a long, twisted snake.
“Oh, no. No. Don’t you dare!” I warned, with the pointed finger of authority.
“And who’s gonna stop me?” He flicked the back of my leg with the towel.
“Ouch.” I squealed, running around the island counter to out-manoeuvre him. No good—he took a head shot. “Hey, no fair, keep it below the knees,” I yelled, running toward the front entrance, then bolted up the stairs.
“Come back and I’ll make it quick.” He thudded up behind me.
As the towel came at me again, I slammed my bedroom door—catching the end of it in the doorframe. Sam laughed boisterously, trying to pull it out.
“Told you I’m faster, Samuel,” I called through the door. “And don’t even—”
“That’s enough, you two,” Dad said in his booming voice.
“But, Dad—” Sam started.
“I said enough! Now get back down and finish your chores.”
“What about her?”
“Now!”
In the hall, Sam sighed loudly. The tea towel made a grating sound before releasing from the door with a short, dull thud. “Why does the princess always get her own way? It’s not fair.”
“Move it, Sam,” Dad finished.
I tensed, waiting for him to yell at me—to force me downstairs where I’d get my butt whopped as soon as he walked away, but he didn’t. Instead, he walked down the stairs and closed the front door, obviously having gone out it. I opened my door to check, hearing the car start up, and felt suddenly really bad for mucking about with Sam.
“Did Dad just go out?” Vicki asked, coming out from the spare room.
“Um, yeah. I think Sam and I might’ve upset him.”
She looked at the front door. “I doubt that, Ara-Rose. He’s just…He’ll be okay. It’s just been a big year.”
“Yeah. I guess.” I closed my door before I could see the tears I heard in her voice, and wandered over to sit at my desk. Under the charcoal sky of the coming night outside, the oak tree rustled lightly in the breeze, and the swing, hovering low over the soft grass, swayed gently—almost as if a small, invisible child were rocking back and forth on it. Along the sidewalk, a group of kids ran noisily past our block, dragging a red wagon behind them. Their laughter filled the night until they disappeared down the street, leaving an eerie stillness behind them.
It amazed me how a second of distraction could make everything seem less empty, not quite so lonely, and when it was gone, the mere silence you were lost in before felt more like a vortex of desolation. Just like with David, I suppose; he came into my life when I was numb inside and, without him, I felt like I was dead.
And that was exactly why I had to let him go. Knowing the grief he’d suffer for losing Nathan made me soft; made me think about taking him back. But that would do me no good at all. Time heals, David told me once, and if that was true, then time needed to start now. The sooner I let him out of my heart, the sooner I’d move on.