God no.
“Ara?”
My feet froze, no longer driven by the anger, and as I spun around to meet his emerald green gaze, my resolve slipped completely. “I don’t want to hurt you, David. I’m just trying to move on.”
“But, you should fight! If you really love me, you should fight for us—to be together until the end—until they drag me away.”
“Maybe I’m tired of fighting.” I looked down. “Maybe I just need to trust that the people I love will be with me. Forever.”
“Ara. Please, look at me?” he asked smoothly, his voice dropping on the end.
“No.” I shook my lowered head.
“Ara, you have to trust me; you have to believe that I will only ever do what’s best for you. Me leaving, keeping you free from my world, it’s what’s best. You can’t see that now, but if you were to know the truth, you’d see it then.”
I bit my teeth together in my mouth.
“Please just give me you—just give me this girl I love, just for a few more months. I’m begging you.”
“I’m just not strong enough to keep loving you, knowing I have to let you go. I’m sorry.”
“So? What? You have the strength to walk away, but not to stay and fight?” His hands went back into his pockets.
“Would it do any good? To fight? And for what? For a guy who loves me enough to leave me for my own good?”
“You have no idea how right you are.” He looked down, shaking his head.
I stood for a long time, watching him watching me. “Why is this so hard for you? You and my dad planned this—you never really felt any of—”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re letting me down gently.” I searched his face for proof. “You promised him you’d make me okay again, and maybe you fell in love with me in the process, but then you realised, didn’t you, that I’m never going to change, that—”
“Do you really believe that? Do you really think I would do that?”
“You’re a nice guy, David. But this—” I held my hands out, presenting me, “—this is a lot for anyone to take.”
“Ara?” He reached for me again.
I pulled away. “Just stop it.”
“No. What you just said—it’s not true. I never made any deal with your dad. I love you. I—”
“But it doesn’t matter, does it?” I said drily. “You’re leaving, whether you love me or not.”
“Ara. What can I do? Please.” He stepped closer, his hands out, wanting to grab me. “Please just…just tell me how to fix this.”
“You can’t.” I turned away. “It’s over.”
“No.” His hand shot out and he spun me into his chest by my arm. “I’m not going to let you go that easily.”
“Well, you don’t have a choice.” Using the tops of my forearms, I pushed his hands off me. “Just like I don’t.”
“Choice, huh? So, you want a choice?” he called; I kept walking. “I could tell you why I can’t stay—I could give you a choice, but you won’t like it.”
“But at least it would be on my own shoulders.”
“And what then?” He grabbed my arm again, stopping me. “What if you hate me after?”
“I hope I do. Because it’ll make losing you so much easier.”
His mouth hung open, his body thrusting forward slightly with each breath. “I will die inside—if you hate me.”
“Either way, someone gets hurt.”
He nodded once. “Then, I’ll tell you—because I would die a thousand deaths to save you from the pain of a paper cut, Ara. But I can’t tell you here. Not now.”
I scoffed, shaking my head. “Right. You can tell me, but not today, huh? Same old story.”
“Ara, will you stop acting like a child?”
“No! You know what?” I rolled my hip back, sinking my hand onto it. “Maybe you should just do us both a favour and leave now.”
“Why do you do that?” he called as I walked away. “Why do you light your own fuse?”
I rolled my eyes.
“It doesn’t have to be this way. Ara?” He came up behind me, inhumanly fast, and grabbed my arm, releasing it quickly when I glared at him.
“I said, leave me alone. I am not your little toy, David. And I’m so tired of being in pain.” He backed up as I walked slowly forward, poking his chest. “You know what your secrets are; you know me—know how I’ll react. Do you even need to tell me? Really?”
He stood taller, his hands falling to his side.
“Didn’t think so. Just go, okay. Just leave me to get over you.”
His mouth hung open, tongue between teeth and lip. “You said you were ready to hear. You said you were ready to know my dark world.”
“Well—” I looked over at the school. “Maybe that was the anger talking.”
“And what now?”
I bit my lip for a second. “I don’t want to hate you, David. I don’t want to know if I’ll hate you forever.”
“Then what do I do?”
It was clear; there was only one thing he could do. I nodded, preparing myself. “Just leave.”
He rolled back on his heels, eyes focusing on some black pit of nothingness. “Leave?”
“Yeah. Just go now,” I said, and despite the invisible strings tying my heart—trying to make me move toward him—I forced myself to turn away, leaving everything behind.
When I took one last glance backward, David was gone.
“Ara!” Ryan called, running toward me at full speed.
I quickly swiped the tears away, forcing a smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He stopped running and looked at my cheeks. “You okay?”
I nodded, sniffling. “What’s up? You look—” I looked at his eyes, how red they were. “Have you been crying?”
He put his hands on his hips, panting, folding over a little. “Yeah.”
“What happened?”
“Nathan Rossi.” He caught his breath. “He passed away early this morning.”
“Oh no!” I covered my mouth.
“I gotta find David. You seen him?”
“Does he know?”
Ryan shrugged. “Don’t know. That’s just it—he was closer to Nathan than any of us. We’re worried ‘cause no one’s seen him today.”