The apparition shook his head and reached out to touch me, then, like a cloud of steam brushed away by a hand, he vanished. Only a streak of yellow light remained in his place, filtering in from the hallway. I looked up and smiled at Mike, who leaned against the wall with two steaming mugs in his hands. “You awake?” he whispered.
The clock beside me said midnight. “I am now,” I lied.
“Sorry, baby. I’ll leave you to sleep.”
“No. Wait. I’m awake. Please, come in.” My feather quilt ruffled as I sat up.
He closed the door with his foot and walked through the darkness to my bedside. The cups clinked together on the nightstand, and as my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I noticed his look of concern.
“Mike? You okay?”
“You were quiet tonight—at dinner,” he said. “Is something bothering you?”
“What makes you think there’s something bothering me? Maybe I’m just tired.”
“Ara, come on. Don’t play games with me. I’m the one person in the world you can say anything to—without consequence.” He placed the warm mug in my hand, securing my fingers around it before letting go. “Don’t try to lie to me.”
I sighed and looked down at the creamy layer of warmed milk, forming a white coating of froth in the mug. “I was in love with him, Mike.”
“David?” He nodded after a deep breath, sitting down. “I know. And I know you probably always will be. I do understand that, Ara.”
“And you’re okay with that?” I asked slowly.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because it’s…I mean, how can you want to be with me—knowing I’ll always have another man in my heart?”
He paused, and thought changed his expression. “Ara, I love you—everything about you—past, present, future. He was obviously a big part of your life the last few months and, you know, he kept you safe while I wasn’t here,” he said simply. “So, if you always have a place for him in your heart, baby, that’s something I can live with.”
My eyes filled with liquid. I smiled down at my hot chocolate, then took a sip through my teeth.
“You don’t know how happy I am to see this on you.” Mike unfolded my ring hand from the cup, pressing his thumb firmly to the stone. “I dug it out so many times, practiced my speech, then put it away again.”
“How long have you had it?”
“I, uh—I designed it when I was seventeen—” He scratched the back of his head. “Ara, I’ve been in love with you for forever. I was just too stupid to do anything about it. So, finally, about a year ago, I took the design to a jeweller and had it made.”
“A year? God, you are stupid,” I scoffed.
He sighed a few times, opening his mouth to speak then stopping, until finally, he quietly said, “Your mum said the same thing.”
“Do you mean Vicki?”
“No.” He smiled. “I mean, yes, Vicki knew about the ring—”
“Since when?”
“Uh, I told them about a month ago—” And suddenly, her strange behaviour toward Mike made so much sense, “—But, I was talking about your real mum.”
I looked at the ring. “Did she get to see it?”
He nodded. “She cried.”
“So, she approved?”
He laughed. “Of course. She practically had us betrothed from the day you were born, Ara.”
The soft smile I gave felt nice across my mouth; I liked smiling, especially for my mum. “Well, it’s easily the most immaculate ring I’ve ever seen, Mike. I can’t believe you designed this—for me.”
“Well, you’re my beautiful rose.” He laughed then—at himself, I think. “Look at me, Mike the poet.”
“I like poetry. I’ve always been a sucker for a romantic.” I placed my cup on the nightstand next to Mike’s.
Mike smiled. “Squidge over.”
I moved to the cold side of the bed, letting him slip beneath my covers, coming to rest my cheek against his ultra warm chest. He felt so different from David; he was bulkier, warmer, and the sound of his heart beating in his chest brought a kind of fear to my own—knowing it could break or stop beating by the smallest, stupidest mistakes. But the humanness of Mike made me feel oddly safe in a way I hadn’t always felt with David. I was comfortable with him—we matched. Mike was my human match.
Mike’s arms relaxed heavily around me, like wearing a bead-filled doorstop as a hug. “Are you excited about the ball?” he asked.
“Mm-hm.” I nodded, drifting away to the sound of his deep, constant breath.
This would be my life from now on, and I had to admit, after all the pain, after all the loss and loneliness, it finally felt like I could breathe.
A semi-conscious dream stole my eyes to the images in the back of my mind; I rolled my face up once more to smile at Mike, see what he thought of my dream, but he couldn’t see it, and while that was reassuring in a way, it also made me feel a little…lonely.
I slipped back into my dream, walking down a long aisle toward my destiny—toward Mike. I tried so hard to picture David there in Mike’s place but I couldn’t. It was Mike. It had always been Mike.
As I stood beside him, I pulled the red rose from my bouquet and gave it to him.
“You don’t need this anymore, Ara.” He kissed my lips and let the rose fall to the floor. “Every part of your heat belongs to me now.”
I watched the red petals hit the ground, then looked up into his smile. “From this day on—for always,” I said.
He nodded, reaching for me, and as I rolled my face into his hand, I jumped back with the cold shock of electricity through my cheek, waking to the feel of icy skin and a familiar sweet scent hiding under the shadows of dawn. “David?” I whispered.
No one replied.
I jumped out from the warmth of Mike’s arms and ran for the window, stopping dead, seeing a yellow rose on the windowsill. My ruby ring suddenly felt heavy—almost as if I was wearing the pain in my soul; I picked up the cold, thornless blossom and pressed it to my nose, spotting my iPod on the sill underneath it. Our lives, every inch of our journey had been mapped out in song on that device—from the first time I saw him and fell in love with him, through the days of wondering if he loved me, to the heartache of knowing he only loved me enough to leave me for my own good, and finally, to losing him. It would do me no good to listen to that playlist again, even though I knew that’s what David wanted. But I just couldn’t live my life in the past anymore. I had to find a way to move forward.