I want you to move on. To live your life, even if it rips me apart to not live it with you. I can't even give you the hope that there is a maybe at the end of all this. Because I would hate to kill that hope again.
Just know that you are and always will be my world. You found me in the dark and saved me from myself. You have shown me the type of person I want to be and I strive to be him. For you and for me.
I will love you forever.
Always,
Clay
Wow. I dropped the letter at my feet and made no effort to wipe the tears that streamed down my face. Whatever I had been expecting, that wasn't it.
Damn Clay Reed and his stupid back and forth crap! How perfectly typical of him. Telling me how much he loved me and in the next breath pushing me away. He had effectively shut me out of his life. Again. He wanted me to move on. To live my life. He told me not to wait for him, that he wouldn't be coming back to me.
I found it hard to breathe as I faced the finality of his words. We were over. There was no more us. I couldn't help but feel anger and betrayal at how he gave up. How he just let go of all that we had.
I picked the letter up from the floor and balled it in my fist, planning to throw it away. But I stopped myself. I placed the paper on my desk and smoothed it out. I couldn't get rid of it. It was my last link to him, and I needed that.
So I put it in the very bottom of my desk drawer. I didn't want to see it again, but I couldn't let go of it either. I couldn’t read his goodbye, but I had to know that it was still there. That his love was a real thing. That I hadn't imagined it.
I felt older, and maybe just a little bit wiser. I had my own baggage and strings and it would take time for me to lighten my load. But I would.
Because I was Maggie Young. And from now on I vowed to stay out of the dark.