Chapter Two
“That's it! I'm swearing off every member of the female population. Do they still have monasteries? Cause a life time of praying and bad haircuts sure as hell beats chicks and their freaking drama.” Daniel's lunch tray came down with a loud clang on the table.
Rachel and I rolled our eyes in unison and turned to the third member of our trio with what we hoped were supportive expressions. “What did Kylie do this time?” Rachel asked, popping a Cheeto into her mouth. Daniel ran his hand over his buzzed blonde head. He was clearly very agitated. But honestly, when wasn't he agitated? Daniel was as big a drama queen -(or king, or whatever-) as any girl.
He let out a long, tortured sigh and propped his chin on his hand. Rachel's eyes went all gooey and I saw the tell-tale signs of her unrequited crush rearing its ugly head. Looking at our best friend, it was easy to understand why she felt the way she did. Daniel was easily one of the best looking guys at Jackson High School. If he wasn't the closest thing I had to a brother, I would have joined Rachel in crush land. His puppy dog eyes and perfect lips were many a girl's dream and definitely helped in the popularity department. Rachel and I, being his best friends, gained popularity by association. Not that I cared much about all that.
Daniel's on and off again relationship with Kylie Good, a perky junior who happened to be co-captain of the girls' field hockey team and was so cute you wanted to slap her, was the source of a lot of drama. Honestly, it was exhausting, even as a spectator. Kylie was nice in a fake kind of way, but in my opinion, it was her insane insecurities and ever more insane jealousy that made her truly insufferable and a really shitty girlfriend.
Personally, I thought Daniel got off on the craziness of their relationship. Some people were like that. Getting some sort of thrill out of constant turmoil. Otherwise I couldn't wrap my mind around why Daniel would put up with all of that nonsense for the last year and a half.
“I've been staying after school getting help in trig from Laura Johnson. Shit, it's just school work. And it's f**king Laura, granny panties, Johnson! It's not like I've been secretly banging her as she whispers math problems in my ear or something.” Rachel and I stifled a giggle. Daniel shook his bottle of chocolate milk, his admitted weakness, and opened it roughly. Daniel raised his eyebrows as we tried to stop laughing. I trained my face into blank attentiveness.
“So Kylie thinks you're getting it on with Laura? Really? Has she lost what little brains that haven't already gone missing from one too many hockey sticks to the head?” I asked, popping open my can of soda. Daniel frowned and chose to ignore my comment. Rachel jumped in, the epitome of understanding and support. “So what happened, Danny? Did you guys have a fight?” Daniel's expression smoothed out and he sighed again. Yep, total drama queen.
“Yeah, Kylie just went off on me. She says I shouldn't be spending so much time alone with girls that weren't her. She is just completely irrational.” “What about us? You spend tons of time with us. Last time I checked, we fit in the vagina column.” I remarked. Daniel choked on his milk. Rachel snorted.
Daniel cleared his throat. “You guys don't really count. I mean, you're Rachel and Mags. Kylie knows that you guys might as well have a penis.” Well, that was more than bordering on offensive. Rachel moved her hands into her lap, clearly hurt by Daniel's words. He was so dense. How could he not see that saying something like that could hurt someone's feelings?
Seeing the looks on our faces, his cheeks went red. “No, I didn't mean it like that. Of course I know you're girls...it's just you're my friends and everything...and...oh hell, I didn't mean to be a dick.” Okay maybe he wasn't a complete dolt. I shrugged, letting him know he was cool, with me at least. Rachel wouldn't look at him. “Rachel, I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me. You know it's just my verbal diarrhea brought on by a bad case of Kylie angst. Forgive me darlin'.” Daniel was laying it on thick and Rachel was defenseless against his evil attack of charm.
Rachel smiled at him. “I understand.” She told him and I thought I would gag at her simpering. I loved Rachel, don't get me wrong. But I wished she would grow a pair when it came to Daniel. He unknowingly walked all over her. Daniel was not an ass**le by nature, just really self- centered and egocentric. He was a good friend though and fiercely protective of Rachel and me, which is why it was so easy to dismiss his moments of jerkiness.
But Rachel had it so bad that I felt horrible for her. She had loved Daniel pretty much since we could formulate words. She held him up as some sort of perfect specimen of man. She never dated, holding out hope for her fairy tale ending. Poor girl. And Daniel had no flipping clue. Okay, he was a dolt. Because Rachel was stunning. Her brown hair wasn't mousy like mine, it was lovely and curly in a way I always envied. She was shorter than me but possessed curves that clearly stated, “I am girl, hear me roar.” She and Daniel would have made the most gorgeous couple, if only he could see past his own idiocy.
“I just can't take her crap anymore.” Daniel moaned, bringing the conversation back to him. Rachel, being the total nurturer, rubbed the back of his hand. “Danny, you are only seventeen. You really don't need all the hassle.” As if I couldn't see the true motive behind her words.
Well, I was less diplomatic. I leaned over and grabbed a fry from Daniel's tray. “Just dump her Danny. She's a serious whack job. One day you'll come home and she'll have boiled your guinea pig.” Daniel arched that annoying eyebrow in my direction and started eating his less than edible hamburger.
Rachel frowned at me, clearly irritated with my lack of sensitivity. Excuse me if I didn't understand why people wasted so much energy on relationships that made them miserable. I had an awesome example of what functional love was supposed to look like and so much of what I saw around me was anything but that. Which I guess is why I never bothered with the whole dating thing. Nothing lived up to the standards that I had set for myself.
Sure kissing was fun but it was all that other messy stuff that seemed to come with teenage dating that I could do without.
I'd never had a “boyfriend” per se. I'd gone on a handful of dates, made out some, teased going to second base at the occasional party after a foot ball game- (though I was by no means a slut or a tease. My boundaries were firmly in place-). That was all fine and dandy, but I just didn't see the need to pair off with some random the way Daniel and Rachel did.
Rachel was a hopeless romantic, her crush on Daniel, case in point. She longed for her one great love and all that Romeo and Juliet junk. She had told me more than once that my double X chromosome must be on the fritz because I was unconcerned with all those female trappings. Not that I was a tomboy or anything, I just had a more male approach to hooking up and dating.