I bolted toward the kitchen, hoping to find Gracie there. Cira and Vivian were at the keg, talking with their backs to the door. I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
“Hey girls. Have you seen Gracie?” I asked, tacking the fakest smile I could muster onto my face. The girls stopped talking, the responding silence louder than anything else. Cira looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes cold. She traded glances with Vivian who looked a little more sympathetic. But both of them ignored me, turning their backs again as they filled their Solo cups with beer.
I grit my teeth and tried again. “Look, I'm not sure what's going on. But have you seen Gracie? I need to talk to her.” I figured feigned ignorance was the best course of action. Cira flicked her hair over her shoulder and turned to face me. Her look of disdain cut me to the quick and took the air from my lungs.
“You don't know what's going on? Really? Are you stupid as well as a slut?” she asked hatefully. I reared back as though she had slapped me. I felt my face go pale.
“What the hell?” I hissed, feeling my anger start to simmer. Who were they to judge me? I chanced a look at Vivian and she looked less disgusted. In fact, she seemed almost sad. Cira took a step toward me and for a moment I wondered whether my “sister” would strike me.
“I think it's time you left,” she said in a quiet voice.
I drew myself upright, finding it hard to say anything. I had made my bed, I supposed. It was time for me to lie in it. I had allowed things to get out of hand with Jordan and now I was paying the price. I knew I was playing with fire but for those few minutes upstairs I just hadn't cared. It had only been Jordan and me. And for a brief time, that was all that had mattered.
But now I had woken up in the middle of a very real social nightmare. I turned on my heel and started to leave the kitchen when I heard hurried footsteps behind me and a hand grab me by the elbow. I looked up in surprise to see Vivian. Her eyes flashed in sympathy as she dropped her hand.
“I think Gracie's out back. But you should probably get out of here. Otherwise I'm pretty sure it's going to get ugly.” I gave her a weak smile.
“Thanks, Viv,” I told her sincerely. She smiled in return but it was full of pity.
I had to go back out through the living room to get to the door that led to the backyard. Going through the crowd of Pi Sigs and Chi Deltas was like trying to navigate through a room full of vipers. I heard someone snickering from behind me and a coughed “skank” said a little too loudly.
My eyes started to sting and my cheeks burned. I will not cry! I WILL NOT CRY! I screamed at myself as I walked, with my head held as high as it would go. I didn't look anyone in the eye. I moved by them all as if I were the Queen of f**king Egypt. Bunch of hypocritical bastards. Like none of them had ever made a mistake in their lives. How easy it was to judge others when really they should be examining themselves.
I pushed through the screen door and looked around for Gracie. I found her talking to a few of our sisters at the patio table. I walked toward them. The girls looked up as I came closer and every last one got to their feet. Gracie looked startled and more than a little concerned.
“Later Gracie,” Bella, Victoria and Taylor said as they pushed passed me. At least they refrained from calling me any derogatory names as they left.
Gracie grabbed my arm and squeezed. I winced. “What the hell is going on, Maysie? It's not true is it?” she asked in hushed panic. I could see that she had sobered up but she looked at a complete loss. I sank into the chair beside her and put my face in my hands.
“Did you really hook up with Jordan Levitt in the bathroom?” Gracie asked, putting her hand on my shoulder. I couldn't say anything; my throat felt like it had closed up.
So, I simply nodded. “Well, shit,” was all she said and then she put her arm around my shoulders. Her act of compassion was all it took to unleash my tears. I started to sob. Deep, ugly crying. And Gracie let me. She didn't say anything until I had finally calmed down.
I looked up at her, hiccuping. “What happened?” she asked me. I clutched at her kindness like a lifeline. In that moment I knew with absolute certainty that most of my so called sisters weren't my friends. I paid all of that damn money to hang out with girls who would turn their backs so much as look at me. What a depressing realization.
“I don't know. It just sort of happened,” I said lamely. Gracie shook her head.
“No. Jordan Levitt doesn't just sort of happen. Now spill.” I took a shaky breath and sat back in my chair.
“I really don't know how to explain all of this. Jordan and I work together at Barton's. You know that.” My explanation wasn't explaining anything at all.
“Yeah, well that doesn't tell me how your lips ended up on his. Not that I blame ya, girlfriend.” She gave me a small smile and I couldn't help but chuckle. Man, I loved her. Our smiles disappeared as fast as they appeared as we both grew serious again.
“Jordan asked me out while Olivia was away this summer. I didn't know who he was when I met him. I had no idea he had a girlfriend when he asked me out. You know me, Gracie! I wouldn't do that! Especially not to one of my sisters!” I said, my voice rising in desperation.
Gracie squeezed my shoulders. “I know that, Mays,” she said quietly. I shook my head again.
“I found out that he was Olivia's boyfriend when you, Vivian and Milla came into the bar that first night. And I told him to back the hell off. That nothing was going to happen between us,” I said. Gracie nodded.
“That sounds like you.” I appreciated her believing me. I had a feeling that that was going to be in short supply over the next few days.
“I tried to keep my distance! I really did! But there's something between us. I can't explain it. It's like this crazy connection that is impossible to resist. It was harmless flirting for a while. But then tonight...” My words trailed off. No need to explain what had gone down this evening. She already knew.
“So you like him. I get that. But, Mays. He's Olivia's boyfriend. They've been together forever. The other girls aren't going to take this well. You could get blackballed for this,” she told me matter-of-factly.
Blackballed? Christ! I hadn't even thought about that. I could get kicked out of Chi Delta. But after seeing the way the other girls were treating me already, I wasn't sure I even wanted to be a part of the sorority anymore.
“He said he wanted to break up with Olivia,” I whispered. Gracie gasped.
“Are you serious?” she squeaked. I put my head in my hands.