Some nights Le’Ace still cursed her weakness and the fact that she’d given in so quickly, so easily. She should have fought harder, should have died rather than do another evil deed.
Not too late.
The stray thought seemed innocent. She knew it wasn’t and blinked in surprise. All these years, she’d done everything necessary to stay alive, even knowing the world would be a better place without her. But she’d lived because she’d hoped for a single moment of love, a single moment of peace.
As of a week ago, she’d experienced the first. With Jaxon. There was no denying that any longer. He’d held her in his arms and he’d pleasured her beyond imagining. He’d given her joy in a lifetime of pain. She’d felt loved, though he probably didn’t love her. She’d felt cherished.
She could die happily now. And she could take Estap with her. The realization rocked her. After fighting so diligently, could she at last give up?
“You all right?” Nolan asked, cutting into her thoughts.
Later. She’d think about death and Estap later. The world would be better without them, that much she already knew. “Fine,” she managed, her voice shaking just as badly as her hands. “I’m fine.”
“May I join you?”
Hearing Jaxon’s deep voice caused her heart to stop beating and breath to once again catch in her throat. Slowly she turned her head. And then, suddenly, she was looking straight into his eyes.
Goose bumps broke out over her skin; her mouth dried.
His lids were narrowed to thin slits. “Thanks for the drink.” Voice: now stiff, formal. “I hope it won’t offend you that I’m refusing it.” He clanked the drink onto the table, red liquid sloshing over the rim, and brushed it forward with his fingers.
“Not at all,” she managed. “Will you join us?”
Silent, he plopped into the only other chair at the table. She glanced over her shoulder. Mia Snow was watching her openly now, loathing all over her pinched expression.
“Nolan knows who you are,” she said, turning back and trying to mask the tension crackling between her and Jaxon.
He nodded. Shadows and light from the table’s centerpiece candle flickered over his face, twining and dancing, making him appear harsh and uncompromising. Not like the gentle lover she knew him to be. “I figured that.”
“I liked the other look better,” the otherworlder said, peering at Jaxon’s new nose with disgust. “Why would you do that to yourself?”
“What are your intentions toward him?” Le’Ace asked, ignoring the alien. She knew Nolan expected her to show concern.
“What do you think?” Jaxon growled.
He refused to glance at her, and the answer to his question refused to form inside her mind. All she could think about, all she truly wanted to know, was whether or not he’d missed her, if he still wanted her with him, and if Mia had poisoned him against her.
“Both of you are here for a reason,” Jaxon said. “Someone want to clue me in or should I start guessing?”
The most feminine part of her hated the distance now between them, even while she knew it was for the best. Even though she wanted to destroy it, throw herself at him, and beg for his affection.
What did you expect from him? You’re toxic to him, his career, his life, and he has to know it.
“I still want to help you,” Nolan said.
“Then why did you disappear last time?” Jaxon’s mouth pulled in a tight frown. “Why did it take you so long to resurface?”
Losing his jovial air, Nolan leaned forward and slapped his palms on the table. Fury radiated from him and swirled like crystals in the glowing depths of his eyes. The candle teetered back and forth; the silverware banged together. “You have no idea how difficult this is for me. The men you want to kill are my friends, my brothers, the only link I have to my own race, and I’m about to betray them.”
Jaxon did not soften. “How difficult it is for you? Humans are dying and you are the one killing them.”
“I don’t want to, damn you!” Anguish colored his face.
People were staring, but Le’Ace allowed the exchange without interruption. She needed the two men working together somewhat civilly, which meant they needed to hash some things out. If that had to happen in a public place, so be it. No one knew what they were talking about, anyway. She just wanted Jaxon off this case and safe, as soon as possible.
“I’d be an idiot to trust you,” Jaxon said. “For all I know, this is just a scheme to mislead A.I.R.”
“Uh, here are your drinks,” the waiter said, placing the glasses on the table.
When the young human wandered off, Jaxon said, “We need to move this conversation to someplace less public.”
“No,” Nolan said. He rubbed his chin with two fingers, his only ring glinting in the light. He guarded that ring as if it were a national treasure, she’d noticed, though it was a copper color and appeared worthless. “Listen, I’m tired of the destruction. I’m tired of the death. I do want to help you. I’ve sat back for too long and done nothing, hoping there was, well, hope for our kind.”
Jaxon rolled his eyes. “And now, what? You know better?”
A grim nod. “Oh, yes. I know better.”
Le’Ace wondered what had happened to destroy his hope. He’d never said.
A moment later, she couldn’t think at all. Jaxon finally looked at her. Sweet lightning, the things that silver gaze did to her. Her body lit up in flames, fire licking at her skin.
“Well?” he said. Clearly he wanted her opinion on everything that had been said.
Somehow she managed a casual shrug. She had no real answers for him. Already he’d gotten more out of Nolan than she had the last three days. With her, Nolan had spoken of his desire to make things right, nothing more.
When Jaxon returned his attention to Nolan, her chest lurched sharply, leaving an ache as insistent as the pulses in her brain could be. For one brief moment, there’d been heat in his eyes. Heat and need and all-consuming desire.
Wishful thinking on her part?
“Tell me where your brethren are.” Jaxon crossed his arms over his middle. To reach for his weapons? “If you’re so determined to help, that is.”
Nolan’s eyes were bleak. “Having their locations won’t help you. Yet. You have no idea how to keep them once you find them.” He tugged at his shirt collar, revealing a dull necklace.
Cheeks heating, Le’Ace sank a little lower in her seat. Bastard. He just had to brag.