Truly, she would have loved to kill him. Savagely. Painfully, slowly. People would find pieces of him in different corners of the world for years. One fear stopped her, however: what if her control panel, wherever it was, fell into the hands of someone worse?
Estap had never commanded her to sleep with him or blow him. Someone else might do that and more.
“Did you enjoy rehabilitation?” he asked her.
Rehabilitation, aka punishment.
She was seated across from him. Over the years, he’d changed offices many times, but their positions had always remained the same. Always he sat behind the desk and always she sat across from him like a naughty schoolgirl.
“What do you think?” she asked in return.
“I think you hated every minute.”
She shrugged, refusing to give him the reaction he craved. “Wasn’t too bad.”
His gaze sharpened.
No emotion. Reveal nothing.
After leaving the compound, she’d been escorted to a laboratory where she’d been strapped down. Scientists had attempted to “clean” the chip and remove any feelings she might harbor for Jaxon.
Emotions promoted rebellion, after all, and Estap couldn’t have his pet gearing for revolt.
She’d fooled everyone into thinking the procedure worked, that she’d forgotten most of her time with Jaxon and everything that happened between them in private. And they’d believed her because, to them, she was merely another computer to program. Press a button and voilà.
They didn’t want to acknowledge that her memories were stored in her brain, like a human, and not in the chip. Then they might have to question their treatment of her.
“Why am I here?” she finally asked.
Estap kicked up his legs, resting his ankles on the desk’s surface. “I have a job for you.”
“I’m listening.” She remained still, not shifting in her seat, not even blinking. To reveal her dread was to invite his satisfaction.
“We’ve tracked the Schön who calls himself Nolan. Remember him?”
“Yes.” Every scientist she’d seen the past week had asked her that question.
“We think he revealed his newest location on purpose, and we think he did it to draw you to him. We think he’s ready to talk to you again.”
“And the A.I.R. agent you told me about?” she asked, managing to keep her tone neutral even though she was shaking inside.
Estap paused, his gaze cutting into her like a laser. “We will not bring him back into the equation unless absolutely necessary.”
Both a blessing and a curse. “What equates necessity?”
He stiffened. His tongue slid over his teeth. She thought he meant to ignore her question. Instead, he replied, “Nolan’s infatuation with love may cause him to seek you and the agent together rather than separately. If that’s the case…”
She could hope, at least. She missed Jaxon terribly. Not a day had gone by that she hadn’t thought of him, yearned for him, ached for him. Not a day had gone by that she hadn’t regretted the way she’d sent him away.
He hadn’t betrayed her, hadn’t abandoned her. Even though he’d left her frozen in that bed, he’d actually meant to save her as promised. As she’d suspected, sending him away had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. But she’d had to do it. Or so she’d told herself. A clean break was always easier.
Easier. Yeah.
After she knocked him out, Dallas had launched at her with a roar. She’d been distracted, trying to ease Jaxon’s body gently to the ground, and so the agent had managed to tackle her unaware. She’d lost her breath.
“If you killed him,” Dallas had snarled as they’d rolled around in a bid for dominance, “I’ll rip out your f**king heart.”
“He’s sleeping!” she’d shouted.
The otherworlder, Devyn, had watched the entire exchange with a grin on his handsome face.
Their attention had turned to Jaxon, then, to look him over. She’d sneaked from the room and into the caves below before they decided to freeze her in place and take her with them. Each step farther away from the man who’d pleasured her and held her so tenderly had been agony. Tears had streamed from her eyes and when she’d watched them leave the compound from the underground monitors, she’d crumbled to the ground and sobbed like a baby.
She’d cried so hard, in fact, that the chip had eventually shut her down completely in an effort to compose her.
Jaxon was everything she’d ever desired for her life, yet something she could never have because she would ultimately destroy him. Yet he already meant more to her than anything else ever had. Even, she suspected, her own life, which she had done despicable things to protect.
She wanted more of him.
If ordered to hurt him, she knew she would not be able to do it. She’d rather endure the physical punishment and pain Estap would heap on her. Actually, she would willingly and happily endure both to be with Jaxon again.
Did he think of her? Did he remember her with fondness or was he furious with her for sending him away unconscious?
A pang of regret and hope sparked inside her chest again, a potent blend of torment. Maybe she could sneak to his house. Maybe she could explain. Maybe—
“—listening to me,” Estap said, his hard voice biting through her thoughts.
She blinked, trying to clear her head. “I’m sorry,” she lied. She would find a way. Just one more time. She had to see him one more time. “I was considering the best way to approach Nolan.”
“I’ve considered that for you.” Estap sat up, grabbed a folder, and tossed it at her. “I think you’ll like what I’ve decided.”
Yeah. Right. Dread overshadowing all other emotions, she caught the file and flipped it open. She did not look at it, though. No, she kept her attention on Estap. He would explain; he liked the sound of his own voice.
“Since he’s fascinated with love and we do not want to involve the A.I.R. agent unless absolutely necessary”—neither of them had spoken Jaxon’s name aloud, she suddenly realized, but had been referring to him as the agent—“you will approach him as if you have not been able to get him out of your mind. You will tell him you love him and that you want to be with him.”
Like that would work. Idiot. “Sir, I think the Schön are only attracted to women who are fertile. That is something I can never be.”
Estap motioned to the papers in her lap. “Look at the file.”