Newt blinked, a bemused, almost beatific expression softening her. “I didn’t think she’d remember.”
I blinked, silent as I took in her suddenly shy demeanor. The Goddess had said this had happened before. Newt knew it. Newt was crazy. “You?” I said, sure of it when the demon blushed. “You!” I glanced at Trent, then pulled her farther away, asking him to stay put. He looked miffed, but he gave us space. “You know they’re real,” I almost hissed. “Why are you trying to convince me they aren’t?”
Newt glanced behind me at Trent as he picked up the broken stone from Al’s cane. “Demons do not dabble in elven religion,” she said stiffly. “Even if that religion holds more power in a wish than demon magic has in an action.”
My jaw dropped. Oh God. I was going to go insane. Even if I survived, I was going to go crazy. I was going to become another Newt.
Seeing my fear, Newt rolled her eyes. “Oh, stop. Mystics didn’t make me insane,” she grumbled. “You, though, must get rid of them, or the Goddess will kill you to prevent changing again. Let me gather them up. I can return them.” A smile quirked her lips. “She’s terrified of me.”
I knew the feeling. “But they’ll come right back,” I protested.
Newt shook her head, eyes down as she remembered something. “The Goddess will kill all memory of you once she sees you dead. You took her by surprise before, but she’s forewarned. You won’t escape again. She is a Goddess, and you, Rachel . . .”
I stifled a shiver as Newt ran a thin hand through my hair.
“You are not,” she finished.
The mystics in me quailed, and I gathered them close. It was obvious that Newt wanted them out of me, that she wanted to preserve her secret that she’d also looked too deeply, that she knew elven magic based on a deity was more powerful than demon magic based on the will of the self. But to let the Goddess kill them? For what? So I could go on to an eternity of loveless misery as they were stuck in?
“Why?” I said, and she made a tiny sound of surprise. “If I’m to be persecuted for who I love, then why shouldn’t I be insane? I might be able to stop you all then.”
Newt drew back, alarmed. “A crazy demon has power,” I said, and she winced. “They listen to you. They’d listen to me! With the power of the Goddess, I could best you all, and you know it. That’s why you all have this problem with wild magic to begin with.”
Newt ran a hand behind her neck in a gesture of unease that I’d never seen in her before. “You’re simplifying things,” she said as Trent inched closer until he was right behind my elbow. “Rachel, he’s an elf. A freed familiar. Maybe if there was some way to bridge our two species, they’d go along with it, but there isn’t.”
She was talking about children. That’s why Al had kept Ceri so long. He’d been trying to find a way to bridge the gap. And he had failed.
“Yeah, I get it,” I said bitterly. “They made you slaves, and you tried to kill them, and they imprisoned you in the ever-after, and you both screwed up each other’s genetics so no one can have any kids. But Trent didn’t do it. I’ll let you in my mind to pull them forth so everyone can believe that mystics are a psychosis and you can keep your secret, but I don’t want her killing them, and I want you to fix it so the demons leave me and Trent alone!”
My heart was pounding. Trent was at my elbow, and the mystics in me went silent. They knew of love and sacrifice, but I didn’t want them to die. “Change the resonance of my soul,” I suddenly said, and her head snapped up. “Change it so the mystics bound to me can’t find me.” No! they wailed, and I yelled at them to shut up. “As long as they stay out of the line, they won’t contaminate her with dreams of mass.”
Newt’s eyes narrowed, and I took a breath to finish my threat. “And if anyone ever does anything against me or Trent, I will go find my mystics and claim them because they are real and both of us know it.”
Her lip curled, and emboldened, I lifted my chin, managing to stifle my jump when she smashed the butt of her staff on the cement to crack it. In the distance, that burning building fell in a stately shower of sparks. For a moment, there was darkness there, and then the flames grew brighter.
“Now will you get them out, or does the ever-after have a new insane demon to contend with?” I asked.
Her grip on her staff tightened. “You’d give up the energy of creation for . . . him? He could leave you tomorrow and you’d have nothing but hatred and bitterness to sustain you.”
I remembered the feel of Trent’s skin under my fingertips, the softness of his hair, the sensation of his body over, around, and in mine. I remembered how he had stood for me when I didn’t have the strength myself, and the way I fought for his freedom, his life, his children. Sure, he could leave tomorrow, but that didn’t rub out how I felt now. Now was all we really had.
“I’ve already lost Al,” I said, finding that it hurt more than I would’ve guessed. “Giving up being able to see around corners is a small thing.”
Expression sour, she turned to Trent. “And what do you sacrifice for her?” she said mockingly. “Love is dross without sacrifice. It fades with the sun.”
Trent’s chin lifted. “I’ve lost my voice among my kin,” he said, and I took a breath, dismayed. “My child may be taken from me.”
“Trent!”
His fingers slipped into mine. “The silence my money has bought is no more. I will be persecuted, reviled, scorned.”
“As all elves should be,” Newt said, clearly not happy.
“I’ll probably end up in jail,” he finished, and I squeezed his hand. Never. It wouldn’t happen.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said, but when I thought back to Quen’s expression as he stood in my back living room, I knew I should have guessed.
“And to top it off, I lost five generations of my father’s breeding program in the ever-after to surface demons,” Trent finished sourly. “I have very little left.”
Newt’s anger vanished, replaced by a shockingly wistful sigh. “The horse,” she whispered. “She’s beautiful.”
“She’s alive?” Trent’s gloom lifted. “Rachel, with that single horse, I could rebuild . . .” He hesitated as Newt cleared her throat.