I almost drop my sandwich. “Who are you and what have you done with my sister?” I demand. “You don’t like Pax. You’ve never liked Pax. You’ve told me a hundred times that he’s not worth my time, that he’ll never be boyfriend material.”
I am beyond shocked at her.
Maddy has the grace to look sheepish.
“I don’t know,” she admits. “I can’t explain why I feel differently. I just do. My gut instincts are telling me that he deserves a second chance. I really think he’s trying, Mi. To be honest, not only have I not seen his car at the bar, but when I was in there the other day for a drink, I asked Mickey if he’s seen him. He hasn’t.”
She stares at me again, hard and long. I sigh.
“Madison, just because he hasn’t been in the Bear’s Den doesn’t mean that he’s stopped drinking. Or doing worse things. For all we know, he’s holed up in his house with whiskey and drugs. We don’t know what he’s doing.”
There is a pause while Madison fidgets.
“You don’t know what he’s doing,” she finally says hesitantly. “Because you haven’t talked with him. But I have.”
I do drop my sandwich this time, right into my soup.
“What?” I ask, as my stomach plummets into my feet. “You lied? You said you haven’t spoken with him.”
For some strange reason, my fingers shake as I wait for her answer, as my heart beats loudly against my ribcage.
Madison looks uncertain now. “I didn’t lie. I said he hasn’t been in The Hill. And he hasn’t. But he called me a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, he’s been keeping an eye on you and he noticed that you’ve still been picking up a lot of shifts for me and he wanted to help.”
“He. What?” I ask stiltedly, trying to wrap my mind around this new turn of events. My icy sister has been speaking to Pax behind my back?
“He wanted to help,” she repeats. “He told me that he knows how much The Hill means to us since it was our parents’ dream and he wanted to make sure that we don’t lose it. He paid off our renovation loan and then he sent one of his own business advisors to talk to me. We sat down and wrote out an updated business plan and now The Hill is back on track. It appears that I needed to make a few changes and so I did. And also, apparently, I needed to make a few changes in my personal life, too, like not judging someone that I don’t even know. I didn’t know Pax. I had no right to tell you stay away from him.”
I am stunned beyond words. I feel like something is sitting on my chest, weighing down my lungs as I stare at my sister. I can’t breathe.
I grab my water and take a drink, then another.
“Pax did that?” I finally manage to croak. Maddy nods.
“But I was sworn to secrecy. He doesn’t want you to know what he did. He was very adamant that when you finally give him another chance, it will be because he earned it on his own merit, not because of this.”
“Do you know how he’s doing?” I whisper. “Is he okay?”
Madison nods. “I went to his house to meet with his business advisor. He and I chatted for a while. His main concern was you. He wanted to make sure that you’re okay. He feels like such an ass for hurting you and he’s afraid he’s never going to redeem himself for that. But otherwise, he’s okay. He looks healthy and he’s been seeing Dr. Tyler two times a week. He even said that he and his dad are working things out. I think those are huge strides, Mi.”
And they are. She really has no idea. She wasn’t there to see the look on Pax’s face when he found out that his dad had hidden everything for years. The gut-wrenching betrayal that lived in his eyes. I really wasn’t sure that he’d ever be able to forgive his father.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I finally admit to her in a whisper, collapsing onto the chair with my sister. She wraps a slender arm around me.
“Do you love him?” she asks, staring into my eyes. Without hesitation, I nod.
“Is he worth the heartache and the effort?”
Her face is grave and somber as she brushes the hair out of my eyes.
I nod again.
“Pax is worth anything.”
Madison smiles. “I thought you would say that. My advice to you then, little sister, is that you go talk to him. He’s trying very hard. I admire that. I have to respect it. And I know he loves you.”
I am frozen. Utterly frozen. I can practically feel my heart beating in my ears.
“What are you waiting for?” Maddy asks me gently, pushing at my shoulder. “Go.”
So I do.
********
The drive to Pax’s house has never taken so long before. But even still, I sit in my car for a couple of minutes after I pull into his drive. Danger is parked in front of me, so I know he is home. I am filled with both breathless anticipation and utter anxiety as I slosh through the muddy snow to his door.
What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if I took too long to get to this point? What if it’s too late?
I take a few deep breaths as I stand on Pax’s front porch.
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
Repeat.
I ring the doorbell, then knock. I am suddenly overwhelmed by the need to see his face, to see him healthy and strong. I want to see his eyes without pain in them. My stomach clenches again and again as I wait. It seems to take forever and when the door finally opens, I am breathless.
For the first time in a month, Pax is standing in front of me, filling up the doorframe.
He is so beautiful in jeans and a black shirt. No one can carry off casual like he can.
My knees feel weak.
His eyes widen when he sees me, but then he smoothes his expression out. He’s casual now, friendly. But cautious. Clearly cautious.
“Hi, Red,” he says quietly, watching my face. Waiting for me to say something. I am the one who came to see him, after all. I swallow. I have to restrain myself from vaulting into his arms.
“Hi.”
Oh my god. I want to say a thousand things and all I say is hi? I’m a lunatic.