"I know I can never be a normal, mortal student. Maybe it's for the best, though. I'd be the dumbest guy in school. I wouldn't get any work done because all day I'd be staring at you."
It was sweet that Alexander wished he could live in my world. But I was dying to join his just as much as he longed for mine. "Well... I'm not sure it is for the best," I said.
"You're not?"
I faced Alexander straight on and stared into his chocolate eyes. "Even if you can't be a mortal, why couldn't I become a vampire?" Alexander knew better than to answer.
I'd asked him a million times before, but tonight I was determined to know. I pressed further. "Don't you see? We could be together not only for eternity - but for every day."
When Alexander didn't respond, I continued. "Think of all that we are missing. Becky sees Matt every day at school and on the weekends." The more I thought about it, the more serious I became.
"I know. It's hard for me, too."
"It doesn't have to be anymore. This is something we can do for us. You and me. It doesn't matter what others will think. You said you didn't have the covenant ceremony with Luna because you were waiting to find the right someone. I thought I was that someone."
"You are. Don't ever think you aren't."
Even Stormy was convinced of that, I thought. All I had to do was to make my vampire boyfriend really understanallconvid how important this was for me.
"Then why not turn me?" I asked. I was more forceful than I had ever been with Alexander regarding this issue.
"It is hard for me, too, Raven. Since I first saw you. I told you, I crave you in a way you can't even imagine."
"Then let me finally fulfill that need."
"But don't you think you're too young to make such a life-changing decision? It's not only a life decision but an eternal one as well."
"Of course I'm not too young. I'm seventeen. I'm almost old enough to vote or join the military. Is there an age minimum on making decisions?"
"But you have to really consider everything. What if you don't like being a vampire?" he asked as if he was plagued with this concern.
"What's there not to like?" I asked. I knew he and I had often discussed whether the lifestyle I craved was the lifestyle I'd ultimately be happy with. But I knew I would.
"What if you hate it and then blame me?" he asked.
"Is that what this is about? That I will regret being bitten?"
"No ... and yes. It's both. You would be giving up everything. It's so much pressure."
"For you or me?"
"For us both."
"But don't you see you've been the one changing all along? You've stayed here in Dullsville when you could have returned home to Romania. You've left yourself in isolation without friends or family and only Jameson to keep you company. Now it's my turn to change."
"But people have different opinions as they grow. You might like vampires now, but what if you don't like them in the future and you're stuck being one for eternity?"
"I've been the same person since I was born. You know me, and I know myself. I don't follow trends. Believe me, my life would have been so much easier if I had been willing to do that. I could have been popular, maybe, not the outcast that I am," I said, reflecting. "Who knows? The one thing I know is that ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be a vampire. And I still do. And I've always wanted to be in love - and when I saw you, I knew that no matter what or who you were, I had to be with you forever. I may be impulsive, but I'm not fickle. I'll be seventy and still be wearing miniskirts and combat boots and wanting to be a vampire."
Alexander laughed, but I was serious.
he the on
"I need to know," I asked, looking him right in the eyes. "Are we on the same path?" I was as surprised as he was by my forcefulness. But I remembered my and Becky's conversation about our futures. We'd have to be thinking of college soon and what we wanted to pursue for our futures. Did Alexander want the same things I did? Did he want me to share those things with him?
I was as excited about his impending answer as I was afraid of it. If he wavered or was unsure, how would that make me feel? He'd taken my blood as his own, but would he ultimately go further? Would I be able to really become a vampire, or would we just continue to share our different worlds together?
"I need to know," I said again. Jagger's offer was flattering but not something I'd really consider since I loved Alexander. And now that Stormy wanted me to be part of the Underworld, I realized the only one who was reticent about my being turned was my one true love.
"What do you mean?"
"I want to know how you feel about our future."
"I thought you knew," he said with a sad expression.
I did know Alexander wanted us to be together, but I wanted to make sure he also wanted me to be a vampire - his vampire. I felt my blood boil. I wanted to be a vampire so badly that I needed the reassurance that I would be one day. "I just want you to tell me ... that it will happen!"
"You want me to bite you now - or else?" he pressed.
"No, it isn't really an ultimatum. But how long am I supposed to wait?" I blurted out.
If I was turned when I was thirty, wouldn't that be good enough? I wondered. But even that seemed like light-years away from now.
He held my hand up, accentuating my finger where I wore his glistening eternity ring. "Doesn't this mean anything to you? Don't my actions speak loud enough?"
Alexander was taken aback. He released my hand and slid away from me. "Is that what this is all about, Raven? You waiting to become a vampire? Not about Alexander was taken aback. He released my hand and slid away from me. "Is that what this is all about, Raven? You waiting to become a vampire? Not about us being together as ourselves?"
"No..." My heart sank. I had gone too far. I didn't mean to offend Alexander. He had given me a gift that every day reminded me of his feelings toward me. I was foolish to have pressed him. My need to be more like him - to be what I'd always wanted to be - had gotten in the way of our wonderful evening together.
Why couldn't I just stay in the moment and let him enjoy having his sister in town and our privacy together instead of me demanding to be turned? Maybe I already was a vampire in a mortal's body. I craved Alexander so much I couldn't bear the thought of us not spending eternity together.
"I've waited seventeen years to meet you," he said. "The blood that runs through me isn't like yours. It is centuries old. You can live without me, Raven. I can't without you. You always act as if this is torture for you. But it's also torture for me." I was struck by his strong reaction. I thought he was in a playful mood and would have just shrugged off my habitual pushiness.