“No bed,” the boy wailed, flinging a wild glance at his mother.
“Maybe Connor and I should just stay here tonight.”
“Kitchen’s not completely finished yet,” he said. “The crew will be in to check on grounding wires and that gas hookup for the stove tomorrow, so…”
So, Nicole thought, she could stay here and still not have a usable kitchen, or she could go back with Griffin and have one more night of the fantasy that had come to mean too much to her.
Not much of a contest.
“Okay then,” she said. “Let’s go back.”
“Hear that, buddy?” Griffin asked as he headed for the doorway. “We’re gonna go read a story.”
“And no baf,” Connor said solemnly.
Griffin was chuckling as Nicole paused on the threshold to look back at her dream kitchen. An involuntary sigh slipped from her throat. It was perfect.
And it was going to be a constant reminder of the man she had loved…and lost.
*
They made love that night in a room lit only by the pale light of the moon. Griffin looked into Nicole’s eyes as he took her and felt the invisible threads between them tightening. The connection he felt with her was deepening, and he wasn’t sure what the hell to do about it.
Leaving might not be enough this time, he told himself later as he lay awake and listened to Nicole’s soft, steady breathing.
He was getting too attached. Too accustomed to being with Nicole and her son. Even when this time with her was over, he knew he’d carry her memory with him, and that hadn’t been in the plan at all.
Still, leaving was his only recourse. He wouldn’t risk the pain of loving and losing again. If that made him as big a coward as Lucas had turned out to be, then he’d just have to live with it. No sane man lined up for a sharp jab to the heart, so why the hell should he set himself up?
The only thing he could do was leave. Soon, he assured himself as Nicole snuggled into him in the dark. He draped one arm around her and held her close even as his mind deliberately ignored the warning bells sounding out all around him.
Connor’s voice warbled over the baby monitor. “Mommy?”
Griffin glanced down at Nicole. She was still sleeping, so he slipped out of bed, carefully disentangling himself so he wouldn’t disturb her. Then in the dark, he walked across the hall to where Connor was awake and fretting.
The night-light threw a soft yellow light onto the ceiling, where it reflected and fell back down in a soft glow that illuminated the big bed and the tiny boy sitting up in the center of it. Connor wore blue, summer-weight, footie pajamas with baseball team logos stamped all over them. His blond hair was sticking straight up, and he clutched his alligator to his chest. His eyes widened when Griffin walked in.
“Me scared, Griff.”
“Of what, buddy?” He kept his voice low and eased down to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Don’t know.” The little boy lay down, rubbed his eyes with his fists, then grabbed hold of his alligator again.
“Well, don’t be scared,” Griffin told him, smoothing the boy’s hair and speaking quietly. “I’ll be right here, okay?”
“’Kay.” Connor sighed and gave him a winsome smile that turned Griffin’s insides to jelly. “You a good daddy.”
While the little boy drifted back to sleep, Griffin sat there in the dimly lit darkness, stunned to his soul. A daddy? No. He looked at the child sleeping so innocently and took a huge mental leap backward. He couldn’t do this. Couldn’t risk this. He already felt too much for Connor and for Nicole. He couldn’t let the boy believe that he was staying. That he would always be around to chase away the nightmares.
This whole thing had spiraled way out of control.
Time now to snap it back into line.
He walked back to his bedroom and stopped in the doorway. Nicole was sitting up in bed, watching him. Her blond hair was rumpled, and her lips were still puffy from his kiss. She looked, he thought, edible. His brain shouted out a clear warning even as other parts of him leaped to life.
“Is Connor okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, he went back to sleep.” Griffin scrubbed both hands over his face and told himself to just say it. Get it out into the open. Get it over with.
“I heard what he said to you,” Nicole told him softly and waved one hand toward the baby monitor on the bedside table.
He took a deep breath, nodded and said, “Good. Then I won’t have to explain.”
“Griffin…”
“Look, it’s not fair to put Connor through this,” he said, stalking toward the dresser and yanking open the drawers. As he tugged on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, he looked over his shoulder at her and had to fight the urge to strip and get back in bed with her. More warning signs, when he was actually considering allowing his body to rule his mind. Wasn’t going to happen.
“You’re right.” Nicole pulled the sheet and quilt up over her br**sts, then let her hands fall into her lap. Swinging her hair out of her face, she gave him a smile that he didn’t deserve. “We shouldn’t have let it go on this long, Griffin.”
“No, it’s not that—” It was exactly that, but he didn’t like hearing her say it. He tried to read her eyes, but the moonlight wasn’t sharp enough to define the shadows he saw in those blue depths. Maybe that was for the best, he thought. Maybe he didn’t want to know how she really felt, because then, leaving would be even harder.
“Connor’s a little boy who wants a daddy,” she said, lifting one shoulder in a casual shrug. “He’s had fun with you. It’s only natural he’d start to think of you in that way.”
Didn’t seem to be bothering her as much as it was bothering him, Griffin thought.
“I didn’t mean to—”
“I know that, Griffin.” She lifted one hand and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Just like I know you don’t have to stage an escape from the house in the middle of the night. There’s no reason for you to feel guilty.”
He stopped what he was doing and realized she was right. An escape was exactly what he’d been trying for. And as much as he’d like to deny it, the only explanation was that he’d panicked, pure and simple. He’d wanted to go fast, to avoid hurting Nicole and Connor any more than he already had.
Hell, he’d wanted to avoid racking up more pain himself.
But there was no easy out here, he thought, gaze locked with Nicole’s.