As she began to stir, he left his position in the doorway and went to start a pot of coffee. When it had just brewed, she walked into the kitchen, her hair tumbled and his shirt the only thing covering her, offering him a tasty view of her honey-toned thighs.
“I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed your shirt,” she said, shifting nervously on her feet.
“You look far better in that shirt than I ever have,” he said with a smile before he walked over and leaned down to join their lips for a brief kiss.
“I have to agree. I prefer you without any shirt at all.”
“Merry Christmas, Kyla,” he whispered, his throat uncomfortably tight.
“Merry Christmas, Tanner. I…uh…have a favor to ask of you.” Her voice was wobbly.
He was ready to say that he had to get going, but that’s not what came out.
“Anything.”
“I want to go home — where I lived with my parents, I mean — just to see the place, just for a few minutes,” she said, choking on the last part of her sentence.
“I think that’s a great idea,” he told her, though he really didn’t understand why she’d want to do something like that.
“I know we don’t know each other that well, but I don’t want to go there alone.”
Ah, no wonder she was having a difficult time asking him. Did he really want to go along with this? It seemed too intimate, too personal — more so even than making love. He was walking away from this woman today. He started to tell her no, but once again, the wrong words came out of his mouth.
“Of course I’ll go with you.” What was with his brain these days?
But her sweet smile made it all worth it.
“I’m going to get changed; would it be OK if we went in half an hour?”
When he nodded, she ran back to his room, gathered her clothes, and then opened his front door, peeking out into the hall before crossing over while still wearing only his shirt. He wouldn’t mind if that was all she wore the entire day.
Shaking his head, he went and grabbed a change of clothes, then jumped into the shower. She would return within minutes and he was glad, because if he had too much time to think about this, he would find a way not to go with her, and though their time together was over, he needed to grant her this one final request.
Tanner didn’t know why it mattered, but he wanted her last memory of him to bring a smile to her face. If she were to hate him, he didn’t think he could bear it. He was going to leave her, though, so why should her feelings matter at all?
By the time he climbed from the shower, he still didn’t have any answers.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kyla trembled as they stood on the front porch of her family’s home. The dried out and browned Christmas wreath still hung in the center of the door, testifying that this home had been a tomb for the past two years. She was so afraid to walk inside — terrified of what would be on the other side of the heavy wooden door.
“Take all the time you need.”
Kyla jumped at the sound of Tanner’s quiet voice. They hadn’t said much at all since she’d returned to his apartment to find him ready to go. And now she’d been so lost in her thoughts that she’d forgotten his very existence.
Was this a mistake, she wondered, coming here on Christmas morning? If so, when would be the right time? If she was going to do this, now was as good a time as any.
Because her fingers were shaking too badly to insert the house key in the lock, Tanner gently took it from her hand, set it in the keyhole, and turned. The sound of the long-unused lock clicking open seemed louder to Kyla than a rifle shot. He didn’t touch the knob, just waited to see what she would do next.
With a deep, fortifying breath, Kyla opened the door. The entryway was dusty and decorated with cobwebs, the pictures on the walls barely visible under a film of grime, the floor dull with all the dust. No one had set foot in the house since a few days after the three tragic deaths, when her parents’ attorney had arranged to have the food removed from the house.
He’d told her it was to keep the smell away and the rodents out. She hadn’t cared about anything at that time and told him to do what he wanted. But when he’d said he would remove the Christmas decorations, too, she’d freaked out, screaming at him to leave them alone.
Later she’d apologized, but he was a kind man and had never tried to make her feel guilty about her behavior. He had offered to have a cleaning service take care of the house, but she hadn’t wanted anyone inside, feeling that it would be an invasion, an insult to her mother. So the attorney had the lawn taken care of, the outside of the home looked after, but no one came inside.
Kyla’s and Tanner’s shoes left marks in the dust covering the floor as they walked inside, and dust motes danced around them in the thick, stale air. She found herself drawn to the family room, where a brown tree stood tall with some decorations still clinging to its brittle limbs, and some broken on the floor, the weight of the ornaments just too much over so much time. Finally, sitting beneath the once lit tree, were many wrapped gifts, all of them covered in dust.
“I’m so sorry, Kyla,” Tanner whispered as he stood behind her, lifting his hand to place on her shoulder.
“This is how I feel inside — dead and broken,” she said as tears welled up in her eyes.
Those gifts had been picked out with love, some of them for Kyla, some for her brother, and some for her parents.
With a few steps, she stood in front of the tree and sank down to the dirty floor, her hand reaching out as she touched one of the once brightly wrapped gifts. Picking it up, she ran her hand over the top of the package, wiping away the filth that covered its beauty.
“This one is for my brother. I got it for him. It’s a football jersey for the Washington Huskies. He would have opened it and laughed, telling me there was no way he’d wear a jersey from a rival school, but he would have worn it when he got homesick. We were close, closer than most siblings. Yes, we had our fights, but we loved each other immensely. We could kick each other’s asses, but if anyone else messed with either of us, we’d jump in and defend the other. I miss him so much,” she said, now not making the least attempt to hide the tears.
“I don’t know what to say, Kyla.” Tanner just sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her.
“There’s nothing to be said. It’s been two years, and yet it feels like yesterday. Why was I the one who got to live? It’s not fair.”