Her hand shot out and she gripped his arm. She was silent for a minute while she tried to pull herself together. Tanner waited, unaware that Kyla was watching the exchange from across the room, though she couldn’t hear what was being said.
“Merry Christmas, Mr. Storm,” Morgan told him. “Thank you for this. You have given me and my son the best gift anyone has ever given us. Even if I’m not hired, your kindness has touched me deeply. You’re a good man,” she said as a tear escaped.
Her last sentence rang in his head. Was he a good man?
“Morgan, I can’t begin to tell you what you have given me tonight,” he said through strained vocal cords. He put his hand over hers and nodded to underline his sincerity.
He turned and walked away, a heaviness in his chest. How wrong he’d been about people. He’d always just assumed that those who were homeless were there of their own free will. He’d never taken the time to understand that maybe, just maybe, they hadn’t chosen their circumstances.
“What was that all about?”
Tanner turned to find Kyla looking at him suspiciously.
“Merry Christmas, Kyla.”
Looking up, he noticed the mistletoe right above their heads. He hauled her against him without any delay and kissed her, a sweet and relatively short kiss that still showed her how much he needed her. When he released her, the two of them heard a few chuckles, and several people clapped, but his eyes were for her only.
“Let’s go home,” he said, and the look he gave her left no doubt of his meaning.
“I would like that,” she murmured.
For a moment, Tanner thought he’d misunderstood, but as her hand slipped into his, he knew what she was agreeing to. His heart kicking into high gear, he led her through the dining room and to the kitchen, where he grabbed their coats and then quickly led her outside.
He needed to get her back to the apartment building before she changed her mind. This was looking to be the merriest Christmas he’d ever had, broken pipes, Santa suit and all.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kyla held tightly to Tanner’s hand. She was a nervous wreck now. Was this a wise path for her to be going down? Should she climb back into this bed? The clock was counting down on their time. No, he hadn’t told her he was leaving, but she knew he was. Tanner was not a man who lived in the trenches.
She’d told herself she wouldn’t regret their night together, and she didn’t. It had been too wonderful for her ever to have regrets. However, she’d also told herself she wouldn’t join him in his bed again. To do so, she feared, would lock her to him emotionally in a way that she couldn’t reverse.
But Tanner had been so kind to the people at the shelter and to her earlier this evening; it was like seeing a different man, and it had made her heart swell, knocked down the last of her defenses. Was it because it was Christmas Eve and she was tired of being left with nothing but ghosts and memories? Had her thoughts about how alone in the world she was ramped up her vulnerability to an all-time high? Whatever the reason, she didn’t want to change her mind.
As she and Tanner sped down the hall of their apartment building, her nerves were shot, yes, but her heart was thundering. She wanted this, wanted it desperately. And there was no doubt that Tanner wanted it even more. He unlocked his apartment door and opened it wide for her to step through. When he shut it again and put his hands on her shoulders, she jumped and then laughed as he removed her jacket and hung it on the hook by the door. Not one word had been said since she’d agreed to come back to his apartment, agreed to make love to him again.
“Sorry. I guess I’m a bit tense.” She looked up and boldly met his gaze, though every instinct in her made her want to look away and hide from what she was feeling.
“I’m not going to attack…though I want to,” he said. “And I’m good at handling tension.”
Somehow the need she heard in his voice calmed her. Her muscles relaxed and she even managed to smile. They were both consenting adults, and they’d already done this once, proved they were more than suited to climb into bed together. She had nothing to be nervous about, nothing to fear — well, except for the utter loneliness she was sure to feel after being with a man like Tanner and then being alone all over again when he inevitably disappeared.
The smell of food filled her nose, distracting her from her morose thoughts and making her stomach rumble. Though she’d spent a few hours serving dinner, she’d been too busy all night to eat so much as a single morsel of bread, and she realized that she was famished. She turned around to see Tanner’s table covered with a lovely and festive red tablecloth, and expertly set with gleaming china and silver.
“When did you have time to do this?” she asked. Going in closer, she found a wonderful Christmas dinner with all the trimmings sitting on top of warmers on the kitchen counter.
“Why not think of this as a sort of holiday magic? Maybe I really am Santa Claus.” Tanner smiled and held out a chair.
Maybe he was. She hadn’t cried this holiday season, and she’d decorated a tree, and made gingerbread cookies. Had Tanner come into her life to help heal her? She didn’t know the answers and she wasn’t sure she needed to know. One thing that she had no doubt about was that there was far more to Tanner than initially met the eye.
“You’re not the type of guy who ever would normally live in a place like this.” It wasn’t a question, and she was afraid of what he would say next, but why should she? She’d known almost since the beginning that Tanner didn’t fit in here. This wasn’t some great revelation.
He paused and looked at her almost guiltily — but that made no sense. What could he possibly feel guilty for? That he was slumming it? That he was playing games with the down-on-her-luck girl?
“I just want a piece of mystery between us,” he told her. “We’re two strangers who happened to fall into each other’s path, and tonight is all about how we make each other feel, not about who we are. I think you realize that we don’t have a future together. I don’t want to lie to you about that. But we’re two people who need each other now — tonight. We should take wonder where we find it.”
Two lost souls on the highway of life? She knew she should try to learn something real, something legitimate about this man before giving him her body for a second time, but she couldn’t seem to look away, couldn’t seem to break the spell that he’d woven around her. Should she keep fighting this? Which would bring her more regrets than she already had — if she walked away right now, or if she stayed? Ugh! She just didn’t know.