“I know your mother isn’t mentally healthy, Shane. I understand that. But you wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for this woman, so you should at least talk to her, try to understand why she acted the way she did. Why she allowed your father to beat you and her. Obviously she’d had enough finally, since she killed him. Maybe she wants to tell you she’s sorry. Maybe she doesn’t. She may not even recognize you, but at least you can get some closure.”
Shane looked into Lia’s eyes, saw how much she wanted this. He didn’t want to go, didn’t want to visit with the person who’d given birth to him, but he also couldn’t seem to tell Lia no. As it was, he’d gotten a call from his commander. He had to leave in a few days for a mission and this time he wasn’t going to be able to pass it off as leaving for volunteer work.
He did do a lot of volunteer work, but most of the time when he was gone for extensive periods of time, it wasn’t because he was building homes in Third World countries; it was because he was saving lives, fighting terrorism and protecting the people he loved — all without their ever knowing.
Well, Rafe knew, but that wasn’t something he wanted Lia to know. She would be furious with him for once again shutting her out.
“I don’t want to do this, but I will if it will make you happy,” he said, and the smile of joy crossing her face made the upcoming visit with his mother worth it. There was hardly anything he wouldn’t do for Lia.
“Then let’s do it now before you have a chance to change your mind,” she insisted.
Before Shane had time to blink, Lia had hailed a cab and they were on their way to the psychiatric hospital that held his mother under lock and key.
Shane had been on some hairy missions before, but he’d never been as afraid as he was at that moment. Terror seized him at the thought of coming face to face with the woman who had nearly been responsible for his death.
Not his physical death. That he would have welcomed in those dark days. No, she had almost killed his very soul, turned him into a monster. As it was, he had to fight the demons that resided inside him, fight not to become a monster.
In his job, he did turn into that merciless beast, but he always got away before it enveloped him, always came home, where his best friend helped to ground him. This was also another reason that Shane volunteered so much. It opened his eyes to a world of good, where he saw that not all humans were disgusting, selfish creatures to whom heart, character, sympathy, forgiveness, and integrity were nothing more than meaningless words.
For a while, he’d thought only the worst. When he’d robbed people as a starving teenage kid, he’d never felt guilty. His victims were robots, nothing but dark souls on the inside. It had taken him a long time to realize that they weren’t — that the people he was hurting were real.
He and Lia stopped in front of the hospital, and Shane was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t notice Lia paying the cab driver and tugging on his hand. He really didn’t want to do this! He’d rather be in the desert somewhere with bombs flying at him.
“Maybe this isn’t the best time,” he said as the cabbie drove off. Lia must have paid the fellow extra to make a quick exit.
“You’re not a chicken, Shane! Now, man up and let’s do this,” Lia said, looking at him sternly.
Shane snapped from his brooding thoughts and looked back at her. A slight smile parted his lips as he grabbed her by the hair and tugged her to him. Damn, she was good for him. A whiny, cajoling girl would have gotten on his nerves.
Lia’s temper and attitude were the things that kept him grounded.
“Did you just imply that I’m a crybaby?” he asked in a menacing tone, one entirely counteracted by the light in his eyes.
“That I did, Mr. Grayson. Now put on your big-girl panties, and let’s go,” she said, grinning bravely at him.
“What if this only makes it worse?” he asked in a moment of vulnerability.
Lia stopped joking as she looked deep into his eyes. “Then she’s forever the fool, Shane. She’s missed out on your life — missed the amazing man you’ve turned into. It’s all been her loss. If she can’t apologize to you, then you are better off walking away. I think this can be healing for you, though. I wouldn’t push so hard if I didn’t feel that way.”
He looked at her for several heartbeats before a small smile broke out on his lips.
“I guess I’m ready then. I’ll never know if I don’t walk through those doors,” he said, sighing as he looked toward the front of the building.
“I’m always going to be here for you, Shane. Always. I think you need to do this, but if you can’t, I understand,” she told him, feeling guilt for pushing him so hard. She was trying to ease his pain, not make it worse.
Yes, he needed to do this. Maybe it would make a difference, and maybe it wouldn’t, but either way, he would never know if he didn’t at least give it a try.
“I can do it. I need to,” Shane said. “Thank you, Lia. Thank you for being you, for being understanding, and for giving me exactly what I needed. Sometimes, all it takes is a little push. I guess I’ve just been too scared to move forward, too weak,” he said, as if disgusted with himself.
“That’s not true, Shane. You are strong, so very strong. You have faced obstacles that I can’t even imagine facing and you’ve always come out ahead. You’ll be fine no matter what happens from this day forward,” she said as she lifted her hand and caressed his face again.
“I think we should just admit to each other than we are better people together than apart,” he said, surprised by how much he meant those words.
“I can agree to that,” Lia told him before reaching up and kissing him, feeling warmth all the way down to her toes. She was happy, unbelievably happy at that moment.
As they walked hand in hand toward the hospital entrance, Shane smiled down at her. Lia had effectively taken his mind off of the upcoming visit to the woman who had given him birth and little else but misery, and he felt relaxed, ready for this next step in his life. It had been a long time coming.
Once they walked through the doors of the institution, however, his shoulders tensed. This wouldn’t be easy — not at all. At least he had Lia by his side.
“It will all work out fine, Shane. I’ll be with you the entire time,” Lia said, her hand rubbing along his back in comfort. Miraculously, her touch soothed him again, calmed his nerves as he approached the thick-glassed windows.