He stopped and looked at her with puzzlement.
“Being trapped in an elevator?”
“You talked to me, really talked to me,” she said, as if that was the greatest gift he could give. To her, it was. No subjunctive needed, she chuckled to herself.
“I’m sorry, Ari. I’ve been so terrible to you that just a moment of kindness is a shock.” He pulled her into his arms.
“Yes, you have been terrible, but you have also done some pretty amazing things, Rafe. If you were nothing but a monster, I never would have fallen in love with you.”
“If you’re in love with me, then why can’t that be enough?” he asked as he stroked her head, his fingers running through her hair.
“Sometimes love isn’t enough, but the situation isn’t hopeless. I just don’t want to be a fool and make a rash decision because I’m all gooey inside,” she said.
“Gooey?” he asked with a laugh.
“Yes, gooey is a word, a perfectly good one,” she told him. She stood on her toes and kissed his jaw.
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment, then.” He held her head and connected their lips, pulling her tight against his body so she could feel his solid heat pressing into her.
Ari couldn’t get close enough to him as he deepened the kiss, his tongue tracing her mouth, devouring her. Her hands ran down his arms, then slid around his waist and came down to rest on his backside so she could pull him more tightly to her.
“I should have relieved the burn while we were in the elevator,” he growled as he pulled back, desire clouding his vision.
“Yes, you should have. Then we wouldn’t be nearly as desperate to remove these clothes,” she said as she squeezed his hard bu**ocks.
“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong, Ari. I can take you one minute and be solid and ready the next. I can’t ever get enough of you. Not your body — your mind — your soul — and certainly not your love. I want all of you, day and night, and it will never be enough, because the more you give, the more I want.”
Ari melted at his words. She wanted all of him, too. That was the problem. Even though he was speaking of his love, she couldn’t be sure he was giving all of himself. He was private and guarded, and he had built a wall around himself that he wasn’t even aware of.
Would she be fine to settle for what he was willing to give? Or would it eventually rip her apart to only have the pieces of himself he could share?
What would be worse, though? To live with a piece of Rafe, or to have nothing of him at all?
“I know I can’t change overnight, Ari. I know it will take time for you to trust me, but I promise you this. I promise that if you stay with me of your own free will, if you give us a real chance, I will forever love you, I will always take care of you, and I will listen to you. I won’t ever try to change you again. I will be there for you, in sickness and health. I will support your career and carry you through storms. I will lean on you when I need to, and I will share my life with you. I want it all; I want forever. If you trust me, I will fix everything about me that is broken and I will give you happiness and…well, forever.”
Ari looked into his eyes, saw the sincerity, the passion, the love. Rafe did have a way to go, but as he held her close, she also knew that they could both heal with each other. They could weather the storm if they held on tightly to each other’s hands.
This wasn’t the same man she’d met in his sterile office, the man who demanded her total submission. This man had been hurt, but he was willing to let go of the pain of his past, and was ready to give of himself to another.
To her.
“What are you asking of me, Rafe?”
She wanted to be very clear on what he wanted.
“I’m asking you not to run from me anymore. I’m asking you to stay by my side.”
She didn’t know if he wanted a mistress or a wife, and she wasn’t going to ask. Maybe he wouldn’t want to marry again after what his ex-wife did to him. Would she be content to be his permanent mistress?
As long as he didn’t cheat, as long as he didn’t hurt her again, it would be better to be with him than without, even if that didn’t include a ring and a white wedding dress.
Disappointment coursed through her at the thought, but she tamped it down. This might be all he could give, but it was so much more than others gave. The bottom line was that she loved him, and to have this much of him filled her heart.
She ignored the small pang of wanting more. If it ever got to be too much for her to bear, she could make a decision then. Right now, none of that mattered. At this moment, she just wanted to feel the glow that was coursing through her without feeling guilty about it, without suffering as conflicting emotions tore at her.
“I don’t want to be without you, either, Rafe. Not today, tomorrow or next year. I need you to love me. Please, just remember your promise. Please don’t tear me down again,” she said.
“I won’t, Ari. Never again,” he vowed.
The two of them began walking again toward his car. It was a silent ride back to his place, and that night, when they made love, it was truly lovemaking. She felt his desire, but she felt his love for her as he sank deep inside. He never broke the emotional connection, not even as their breaths rushed out in pleasure, not as he kissed her gently, and not when he separated their bodies.
Chapter Forty
Shane
“If you are ever going to get past this resentment, you have to visit your mother.”
“What good would that do?” Shane asked in frustration.
The two of them had come to the States for a brief vacation, but there was only another week before they had to get back to Italy and the Gli Amanti Cove Project — though Lia didn’t know he wasn’t going back with her right away. He certainly didn’t want to waste his time visiting a woman who had never wanted him. Why couldn’t Lia just understand that?
“Shane, I know it’s hard for you, but you need to know her story. You need to understand why she is the way she is. Do you know anything about your grandparents? Do you know anything about your family at all?”
“Lia, not everyone has a family like yours. As a matter of fact, most people don’t. It’s unusual for parents to be so great; hell, yours are still married to each other, and who else has parents like that? Most siblings don’t get along as beautifully as you, Rafe, and Rachel do. It’s why I was so drawn to you guys. I saw something in you that I thought was only on television. I didn’t know real families still existed who actually loved each other.” It wasn’t easy for him to explain.