“Yadriel?” Lita’s voice came from the kitchen.
Julian raced up the stairs while Yadriel lingered in the living room. “Yes, Lita!”
Diego poked his head out of the kitchen, saw Yadriel, and frowned. “Jesus, what happened to you?”
Yadriel barely glanced down at himself. He was soaked to the bone and covered in mud, but he didn’t care.
He was going to be in the aquelarre this Día de Muertos. He was triumphant. He was powerful. He felt ready to take on the world.
He was a brujo.
“Is Tío here?” he asked.
“No,” Diego said, giving him a strange look.
Yadriel was disappointed, but only a little. There would be plenty of time to tell him what happened tomorrow.
“Are you okay?” Diego pressed, stepping farther into the living room.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Yadriel beamed at his older brother, which only seemed to confuse him more. “I’m amazing!” Without further explanation, he ran up the stairs and into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
Yadriel’s smile was so big, it hurt. He didn’t have to release Julian to the afterlife. He could remain in the cemetery like the other spirits.
Julian could stay.
The thought made him so happy, Yadriel felt like his heart might burst in his chest.
But, when he turned, he found Julian sitting on the edge of his bed. His hands were stuffed into his pockets, his posture curved around his chest like he was in pain.
“Are you okay?” Yadriel asked, confused.
“Are you okay?” Julian countered, concern etched into his features.
“Yeah, I’m okay!” Yadriel laughed.
Julian didn’t respond.
Yadriel wanted to grab Julian and shake him. Didn’t he see how amazing this was? Why did he look so somber?
A lump under the comforter moved, and Purrcaso wiggled her way out. With a little chirrup, she hobbled over to Julian. She rubbed herself against his arm. When he scratched her chin, loud purrs vibrated through her tiny body.
Yadriel’s excitement began to quickly bleed out of him. Julian must’ve been rattled by seeing Tito going maligno. “That was terrifying, wasn’t it?” Yadriel asked, sitting next to him on the bed. Still, Julian said nothing, his attention focused on Purrcaso. He was too still, too quiet. It put Yadriel on edge.
“You saved my life,” Yadriel told him. “I mean…” He let out a little laugh. “It was completely stupid, and reckless, and if you try something like that again, I swear, I’ll—”
“Is that what I’ll become?” Julian finally looked up at him. His dark eyes were empty, distant. “Is that what happens to spirits?” he repeated.
“No, not all spirits,” Yadriel said quickly, wanting to say whatever he could to ease Julian’s mind. “Only the ones that turn maligno.” He couldn’t stand the look on Julian’s face.
“Día de Muertos is soon, you’ll see, Tito will be all better. Like my Lito? When he died, he was so weak and tired. It was like he was only a shell of who he had been. But when he came back that first Día de Muertos? It was like he was back to his old self again,” Yadriel told him. He felt like he was rambling, filling in Julian’s unnatural silence. “He wasn’t tired or in pain, he was downright spry.” The memory made him grin.
Still, Julian said nothing.
“My point is, you’ll still be you for a really long time,” Yadriel told him. “I mean, there’s no reason for me to release you right now! You can stay for as long as you like,” he said, shy and hopeful. He felt a blush bloom in his cheeks. “And then when eventually you do cross over, you’ll be able to come back every year and see me.” But that wouldn’t be for a very long time, Yadriel would make sure of it.
“You’re forgetting something, Yads,” Julian said, finally looking up at him.
“What?” Yadriel asked. Something about the look on Julian’s face sent his pulse fluttering anxiously.
Julian’s lips quirked into a sad smile. “I’m not a brujo.”
Yadriel’s heart sank. His shoulders fell. No. Julian wasn’t a brujo. He didn’t get to come back.
Yadriel let himself stare at Julian. He was so … visceral. He was so real. Even with his blurry edges and chilling touch, he was a force of nature. He was loud, he was stubborn, he was determined, and he was reckless. But, still, he would fade.
Yadriel remembered the other night. The thrashing and the pain on Julian’s face. The blood seeping through his shirt. His gasps for breath.
If he stayed here, he’d fade until he wasn’t Julian anymore, just like Tito.
And if Yadriel released him, he’d be gone forever.
“You’re making me nervous,” Julian said, his voice barely above a whisper, his gaze unwavering.
Yadriel tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “I’m just thinking…”
“Thinking what?”
“Something selfish.”
For a moment, they sat there in silence. Yadriel couldn’t look away, even though his heart thudded in the pulse at his neck.
Julian watched him curiously. His gaze slid down to Yadriel’s mouth, his eyes half lidded.
Yadriel held his breath.
“Yads?” His name was so soft and sweet coming from Julian’s lips.
“Yeah?”
But there was something about the look on Julian’s face. A strange stillness as he sat there quietly, a watery reflection of the boy he’d once been.
Something Yadriel’s body recognized before his head could catch up. Every muscle in his body tightened, bracing for impact.
Julian’s voice was too gentle, his words too soft. “I want you to release me.”
EIGHTEEN
“What?”
“You need to release me,” Julian repeated calmly.
Yadriel hated it.
He forced out a laugh. “You don’t mean right now?” There was no way he was serious.
Julian averted his gaze and toyed with Purrcaso’s tail. “There’s no point in waiting around.”
Yadriel openly gaped at him. “You mean right now,” he echoed in disbelief.
“My friends will be fine without me,” Julian pointed out with a lift of his shoulders. “Rio’s accepted that I ditched him and that I’m not going back.”
“But you—you—” Yadriel stammered.
Julian swallowed and wet his lips. “I can feel it happening,” he said, his voice low, defeated. “Like I’m losing my grip on myself.” He stared down at his hands as he flexed them into fists, then loosened them again. “I don’t know, maybe there’s always been something in me, rotting away, and now it’s finally catching up to me—”
“That’s not true,” Yadriel said sharply. He hated how tight his voice was, how strangled it sounded.
“I don’t want to turn into a monster—”
“You won’t! I wouldn’t let that happen!” Yadriel insisted, even though it was wishful thinking at best. He had no control over when Julian might turn maligno.
Julian shook his head. “All I do is cause people trouble, including you—”
“No, you don’t!” Yadriel flinched as soon as the words shot angrily from his mouth. He cut a nervous glance to the door. If he kept yelling, someone would hear him from downstairs, but he had to get Julian to change his mind. “You heard what my dad said, don’t you want to stay for my aquelarre?”
Julian exhaled. “You need to release me.”
Yadriel couldn’t stand how calm and level-headed Julian was being. He wanted Julian to fight. He wanted him to argue, for him to get mad or something. This Julian was too sure, too quiet.
Julian’s smile was sad and reserved. “I want to go before something bad happens, before I do something to someone I care about,” he told Yadriel. He bit his bottom lip, like he was holding something back, but then he shook his head. “It’s better this way. Everyone will be better off—”
“God, I am so sick of hearing you say that!” Yadriel snapped, taking a step forward. Julian looked up, surprised. “And if you think for one second that anyone in your life is better off without you, then you’re dumber than you look, Julian Diaz.”
Julian scowled, nostrils flaring, but Yadriel didn’t care. At least it got that terrible, defeated look off his face.
“You would do anything for your friends, right? And they’d do anything for you, too. You take people in and you protect them, that’s who you are! And your brother, too! You’re both fiercely protective, which is probably why you guys fight all the time—”
“Yadriel—”
“Just a pair of idiots who don’t know how to talk about your feelings so you argue instead!” he growled, throwing his hands up.
“Clean break,” Julian said. “You promised—”
“I didn’t promise a damn thing!” Yadriel snapped, feeling petulant.
Julian sighed and scrubbed his hand over his shaved head. “You wanted to get rid of me on day one, remember?”
Yadriel crossed his arms and glared at him. Yes, he remembered, but that didn’t count anymore.