Last night was emotionally and physically exhausting. I was convinced at one point that there’d be no tomorrow. What was there to live for if she wasn’t around anyway?
When I stormed away from Lennon, my windpipe seemed to collapse as suffocation became a possibility. It leveled me. I struggled to breathe while black spots narrowed my vision until raw warmth blasted around the cold brick that had replaced my heart. When Lennon plopped next to me with no intention of leaving, my heart rejoiced and the poison slowly drained from my system.
For good this time.
We sat outside, snuggled together, while the light of day fizzled and the dark settled around us. When Lennon began shivering and her skin felt cool, we returned to the sunshine room. This space itself seemed to seal our reconciliation and solidified the declarations we’d exchanged.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Lennon coos.
Her nails scratch along my scalp and delicious tingles take over my body. I moan and lean into her touch but realize she should be far closer. She’s propped against the headboard, wearing way too many clothes, and a remedy for this entire situation becomes priority.
I reach around her back, gripping her slender shoulder, before tugging her down into the pile of fluffy bedding. She squeaks but doesn’t complain, appearing pleased when I rest my head on her flat belly. Lennon’s relaxing comforts continue, the massage threatening to pull me back under.
Lennon’s happy turquoise gaze catches mine when I glance up.
“You make an excellent pillow,” I tell her before nuzzling into her breasts. “But you should still be naked. I tore this shirt off you last night for a reason.”
She clucks and raises a sculpted brow.
“We won’t get anything done if you woke up to me totally nude. There’s too much to do. I’ve been making plans while you slept. And first,” she says as she rolls over to grab a plate by her hip, “you need to eat.”
“You left without me?” The panic scratches my dry throat.
Lennon shakes her head before dusting my forehead with a soft kiss.
“I cooked for you. Nothing too fancy. But the eggs are fluffy and the bacon is crispy.”
My breath hitches and I blink rapidly to ease the sudden sting.
“Nobody’s done that for me before.”
“Well, there’s another first. With many more meals to come.”
A satisfied rumble rolls from my chest. “Sunshine, you’re spoiling me.”
“It’s about time I start pulling my weight around here,” she says while her fingers softly stroke down my temple.
“You do plenty by just existing.”
“Charmer,” Lennon whispers.
I puff out my chest and say, “Damn straight.”
She chuckles and a sweet smile pulls at her lips. Lennon lifts her hips, encouraging me to flip over, before setting the breakfast on my stomach.
“You enjoy this while I talk. I’ve decided we should leave for Denten today or tomorrow. We can make a few stops along the way, like the carnival this weekend. With all that’s happened, I’m ready for a fresh start in our new home. Not that I’ll ever forget this magical place you created here,” she gestures toward the decorated walls. “But all these notes and memories can come with us. Whatcha say? I think this move will be really good for us.”
“You’re brilliant,” I say between bites and cataloguing her glowing features. “Have I told you about your eyes changing color? Depending on your mood, they’re either a bit greener or a tad bluer. There’s also times when the two mix perfectly together, like a peaceful pairing.”
Lennon’s face creases as she asks, “What do you mean? My eyes are blueish-green, like aqua. They always have been.”
I happily munch away for a moment, the seasoned eggs bursting with fresh flavor on my tongue, while enjoying the emotion flicker within her stare.
“It’s something I’ve noticed about you over the last few weeks. When you’re really excited, like right now, I see more blue peeking through. Last night, when you were angry and sad, green stole the show. It’s been a way for me to tell how you’re feeling. Pretty cool, huh?” I grin at her slack jaw and blushing cheeks.
“How do you . . . ? I mean . . . where did that, um . . .” Lennon bites her lip. “You’re so freaking amazing, I can’t even find the words. I’ll never get used to how you see me, Ryker. Each day, you see deeper and it astonishes me,” she whispers in awe.
Her thumb sweeps along my face, as if the soft pad is memorizing each pore. I kiss her finger when she reaches my mouth.
“It’s all for you, Sunshine. Always. You stopped my suffering and I’ll spend eternity showing how much that means to me.”
“I love you so much, Ry.” She swallows hard before blowing out a heavy exhale.
“And I love you,” I echo while finishing my breakfast.
We lay silently for a beat before Lennon’s phone vibrates on the dresser. She rolls her eyes and huffs after glance at the screen but doesn’t comment further.
“Who is it? Lucy?”
“I wish. Hearing from her would be great. That,” she points at the device as if it’s possessed, “is my parents. Again. They’ve been messaging me all morning.”
My breath falters as I imagine their words. “Aren’t you . . . um, going to answer?”
“No. They don’t deserve it.”
“Please don’t shut them out on my account.”
Her head shakes wildly. “I’m ashamed of myself for how I acted around them. They always make me feel bad about myself. I don’t need those bad vibes in my life,” Lennon explains on a long sigh.
“What’s worse than that is how they treated you. I can’t forgive them for that. At least not so easily. It will be a long time before I’m ready to make amends.”
“So, you’re just going to keep ignoring them?”
Lennon shrugs. “Why not?”
My heartrate kicks up as a distorted vision of my parents flashes before me. I blink quickly to erase the image before clearing my throat.
“I wonder what growing up in a happy home is like,” I say softly.
Her fingers smooth the wrinkle in my brow. “We’ll have the happiest future to make up for it.”
When her phone buzzes again, Lennon’s nostrils flare as she blows out a stream of air.
“Maybe you should just answer.”
“No. If anything, I’ll write them a letter.”
“Is that a thing between you guys?”
“I saw a therapist in my teens and she suggested it. I’ve written countless letters that they’ll never see. It was a way to express myself without saying a word. Writing it all out gave me a voice when I didn’t have one,” Lennon mumbles.
After a beat, she keeps going. “In this case, I’d actually send it. That way I’m not ignoring them and they’ll know how I feel.”
“I should do that too.”
Lennon kisses my forehead before asking, “To your mom and dad?”
My teeth grind at the mention of them but a calming inhale forces the anger away.
“Yes. I never want to think of them again but maybe releasing the hurt they caused will allow me to let them go. For good. What’s the worst that could happen, right?” I shoot her a small smirk but inside my stomach bubbles with fear.
What if pouring out the painful history on paper releases festering injuries that refuse to close? What if they linger and ruin my life again?
I twist a lock of Lennon’s long dark hair before announcing, “I'll do it.”
“We can write together. Another first without even planning it. How ‘bout that, huh?” Her silky tone slinks around me. “We’ll beat them all, Ry.”
“Everything is possible because of you, Sunshine.”
“You give me far too much credit.”
“Clearly, I haven’t done a good enough job explaining how terrible my life was without you,” I say while she purses her lips. “Should I start from the beginning?”
Lennon shakes her head. “No, no. We’re good. I’ll accept your praise if you take all mine. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“You’re very agreeable today,” she points out.
I scoff in mock offense.
“Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve got you in bed, promising to be in my life forever. Things aren’t too shabby for me. I’d say they’ll be even better quite soon,” I suggest without giving her more info.
She might have planned an impromptu road trip but I’ve got a secret agenda item to tack on. If Lennon has any idea I’m hiding something, she doesn’t reveal it.
“Should we get going then?”
“Absolutely,” I reply as anticipation attacks my system.
Almost everything was packed and ready to go before camping except for the words that litter this entire room. We spend the morning removing the messages one by one until Lennon has held and read each one. I assure her that a spot in our new loft will be dedicated to the little yellow squares. A dopey smile stretches my lips when I recall her notes to me. Those will definitely have a special place too. I glance over at Lennon, hair piled on top of her head and a flowy short dress covering her succulent curves, and I count my fucking blessings twice.