“What are you talking about?” Twisting my hat around backward, I let the sun hit my face. It’ll be a decent excuse for the heat in my cheeks if Penn calls me out on it. “She’s just a girl from my past. I ran into her. People run into their exes all the time.”
“Just a girl from your past, huh? So if I tell you Brandon Atwood has a date with her tonight, you’re cool with that?”
“He fucking what?” I bark, not giving a damn that my cheeks are blazing. “How do you know that?”
“I don’t. It was a litmus test.”
Shoulders slumping, a breath rushing from my lungs, I glare at him and try not to laugh. “You’re a cocksucker.”
“And you’re a liar. What’s worse?”
“Does the cocksucker charge for sucking cock?” Matt slides up to the truck and looks at each of us. “If so, that’s worse. If not, I’ll go with the liar.” When we fail to respond, he grins. “This is going to be good, isn’t it?”
“What?” I ask.
“Whatever the two of you are arguing about.”
“We aren’t arguing,” Penn tells him. “I was making a point he didn’t want me to make.”
Matt pulls his brows together. “You made a point? Okay. This I gotta hear.”
“I don’t even have to make it,” Penn says. “Let Dane tell you, and then you’ll see my point. That’s the magic of all this.”
“Will you shut the hell up?” I ask. “Why do you have to make such a big deal about everything?”
“Uh, because this is a big deal.”
Matt’s head goes back and forth like he’s watching a volleyball match. “Is someone gonna tell me or what?”
“Fine.” I look at my brother, ignoring the shit-eating grin on Penn’s face. “Neely is home.”
His eyes grow wide. “No kidding?”
“No kidding.”
“When did this happen?”
“I don’t know. Saw her this morning at the café.” My voice is calm as her face streams through my mind. “Yes, she was hot, if that’s the first thing you wanted to know like dumbass over here.”
“You said beautiful.” Penn holds his hands to his sides. “What? You said it. I didn’t.”
“She was always beautiful,” Matt admits. “That’s nothing new.”
“Yeah, but you should see her now. Fucking hell, Matt.”
Their raised brows let me know they’re curious where I’m going with this.
Answer: nowhere.
I open the cab of the truck and pretend to search for something just to stop the banter. Just to get a second to myself.
The vein in my temple begins to pulse along with the heartbeat in my thumb. My skin itches as if it can’t keep all my emotions contained. I can’t focus on one thing, one part of this thing, long enough to make sense of it without jumping to the next. I shouldn’t give a shit. She’s here for a few days. She said so herself. Even if she were here indefinitely, it doesn’t mean she would give me the time of day or that I should even want her to. Or that I could actually do it.
I broke her heart. I broke her heart in the worst way I could, and the fact she didn’t tell me to fuck right off is more than I really deserve. It’s more than I would’ve given me.
A box of screws falls from the passenger’s seat onto the floorboard. Penn’s voice calls from the other side of the truck, giving me shit about my state of mind. I flip him the bird before going back to rustling through the middle console.
I can’t make things not have happened. I can’t undo actions taken years ago.
My hand stills over a packet of spearmint gum. Eyes resting on the little tree-shaped air freshener, I sigh.
I wouldn’t undo them. Even if I could. Even if it would have saved her the heartbreak.
My shoulders slump as I back out of the cab.
“All that for some gum?” Penn asks, looking at the packet in my hand.
I deliberately open a stick and shove it in my mouth. “Want one?”
“Just in case you poisoned it, I’m good.” He stretches his arms overhead. “So can we call off today and go see Neely?”
“No. Both of you go back to work.” The gum crackles as I put way too much effort into chewing. “Now.”
“You wanting to go alone?” Matt cracks.
“Why do I like either one of you again?” I look from one to the other.
“Because I’m your brother and saved you from drowning when you were ten. And we keep Penn around . . .” Matt looks at our best friend and shrugs. “Why do we keep you around?”
“I’m assuming so you can get pussy. So many come at me I can’t possibly handle them all.”
“How does that shit taste comin’ outta your mouth?” Matt asks.
I watch the two of them spar back and forth. Despite the near-constant jabbing between each other, Penn’s refusal to ever show up on time, and Matt’s perpetual state of looking for something he’s lost, they’re the two I can count on.
As I realize they have stopped bantering and are both looking at me, I frown. I can’t do this all day. “I’m going for lumber,” I tell them.
“Is that what we’re calling her now?” Penn tries to bite back a laugh and fails. Matt joins in, and their entertainment at my expense grates my nerves.
“If you need anything,” I say, ignoring them, “you have about two minutes to tell me.”
“I need about a dozen two-by-fours,” Matt says, trying to wave Penn off. “And a couple boxes of nails.”
“I figured we were going to come up short.”
Penn digs a water bottle from the cooler in the back of my truck. “That’s what you get for letting Matt do the calculations.”
They chat about something quietly as I busy myself with picking up the screws on the floorboard of my truck. It would be a completely normal day if I didn’t have a knot winding in the pit of my stomach so tight I can feel it radiating through my core.
By the time I get the screws back in the box and the passenger’s door shut, there’s a peace in the air. The bantering has stopped, and a stillness settles across the lawn.
Matt wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he gazes over the forest below. “Can you imagine walking out your door in the morning to take a piss and then seeing this?”
“I don’t normally piss out my front door, but I see your point,” I say, admiring the acres of forest surrounding the building site.
“Well, I do and I get it.” Penn takes a few steps in front of us. “Nice chunk of land.”
“Nah, it’s more than that,” I say. I can imagine the yard full of toys, the house smelling like roast beef. “It’s the perfect spot for a home.”
Matt takes a deep breath and works his neck back and forth. “You know, I’ve been thinkin’ . . .”
Penn groans. “Thanks for the warning.”
“I’m being serious,” Matt protests. “Hear me out, will ya?”
“We’re listening,” I tell him, preparing myself. Absolutely anything in the world could topple out of his mouth. Nothing would surprise me. A few things would irritate me, and I have a feeling he’s headed that direction.
Matt pauses, possibly to get his courage up, and takes another drink. His lips pull together as he screws the top back on. “We’re getting old, guys. Maybe it wouldn’t be bad, having a house like this with a woman and—”
“Did you just suggest monogamy to me?” Penn gasps. “Do you know me at all?”
I give them both a look. “This day gets stranger by the minute.”
“Fuck you, guys.” Matt chuckles, shaking his head. “I’m just saying maybe there’s something to be said for predictable pussy.”
Shoving away from the truck, I laugh. “That’s an oxymoron. Pussy is never predictable.”
Matt nods. “Yeah. You’re right. Bad choice of words. What about consistent pussy?”
I was right. I know where he’s going with this, and I’m not about to let him get there without a few attempts at redirection.
“Consistent pussy means a consistent headache,” I say.
Penn shrugs. “I don’t know what either of you are talking about. If there’s one thing in my life that’s consistent, it’s women.”
Matt’s head swings side to side. “You know what I’m getting at.”
“Do we?” I raise a brow. It’s more of a warning than a question.
“I do, and I think Matt better tread lightly.” Penn points a finger his way. “If he kills you, I’m helping bury your body.”
Matt and I have a standoff—him trying to make a point and me trying to deflect it. I have no clue why he thinks today of all days is the day to go there, but I refuse. He doesn’t agree.
“Seriously. Do you ever wonder what might’ve been?” Matt asks, ignoring my glare.
I twist so we’re face-to-face. I don’t want anything getting lost in translation. “No,” I state. “I don’t. If you have to wonder why I don’t, you better walk your ass away before I knock you upside the head.”