I pour myself a cup of coffee and try to avoid the question. The last thing I want to do is tell her I slept with Duncan. I don't know why, but I want to avoid the conversation altogether if I can. I'm not necessarily ashamed of it. I'm shocked I did it, more than anything since I'm not the type who meets somebody and sleeps with them less than an hour later. I've never been that way.
Although it was out of character for me, I can't say I'm ashamed of it or think it was wrong. In fact, something about it felt incredibly right. I can't understand, let alone explain it, but I can't say I didn't enjoy every moment of what Duncan and I did together.
It was what came after our little romp that I enjoyed even more. We left the gala and grabbed some coffee, then sat together in his car, just talking. We talked for hours about everything. We shared stories about our lives, about growing up, about – literally everything.
The conversation never seemed forced or awkward, and I was oddly comfortable opening up to him. Okay, maybe not completely, but far more than I usually do with people. In the past, I couldn't have done it if I tried. But with Duncan, it was the easiest thing in the world.
As stupid, crazy, and ridiculous as it is, given the fact that we'd only just met, there's something about him that makes me feel – safe.
“You know,” Bri goes on. “I couldn't help but notice that right around the time you vanished, Doctor Duncan Clyburne also went MIA.”
Sabrina can be a pit bull when she gets her teeth into something – and she very clearly has her teeth into this. I try but can't stop the heat from rushing to my cheeks. I pour some creamer into my coffee and stir it, still studiously avoiding her eyes, which draws a laugh from her.
“I knew it,” she crows, triumph in her voice. “I just knew you two had a thing last night. I felt the sparks coming off the both of you.”
I turn to her, smiling. “It wasn't a thing,” I try to explain. “It was...”
My voice tapers off when I realize I don't even know how to classify what last night was. Bri seizes her moment, stepping right into the breach like a champ – because of course, she does.
“It was a thing,” she cheers. “But tell me, did this thing include some hot, steamy, kinky, masked sex?”
“He wasn't wearing a mask,” I point out quickly, as if that ends that line of questioning.
“No, but you were,” she says. “And I'm going to infer from your bobbing and weaving around all of my questions that yes, your evening did include some hot, steamy, kinky, masked sex.”
Laughter erupts from me before I can stop it and my face is burning so bright, I'm afraid it's going to burst into flames. I can only imagine the ungodly shade of red I am right now. I take a sip of coffee, unable to even articulate a coherent response to that.
“Girl, you do realize you're the envy of half the hospital right now, don't you?” she asks. “Maybe even more than that.”
“Yeah well, it was a one-time – thing,” I say and chuckle softly.
“One time? Why would you say that?”
“Remember? He's going to Syria?”
“Only for a few months.”
“Like eight months,” I correct.
She laughs. “That's not so long.”
I shrug and take a sip of my coffee. “A lot can happen in eight months.”
Bri pours herself another cup of coffee. “You like him though, don't you?”
“Yeah, he's nice. Smart. Funny.”
She gives me a look of consternation. “You know what I mean,” she chides.
“Shut it,” I say and laugh.
I grin and shake my head. Honestly, I'm still trying to sort out all of the thoughts and emotions still coursing through my head at the moment. I am still trying to process the fact that I opened up as much to him as I did. That I shared so many personal, intimate stories with him – I even told him a couple of things I've never even told Bri, for God's sake.
I couldn't help myself, though. He is charming. Duncan makes me feel like it's okay to open up and be honest. It's something I've never experienced with a man before and it took me completely off guard.
It wasn't just a one-way street though. Duncan told me a lot about himself. He told me a lot about his family, his father’s death, his relationship with his brother, and a lot of other personal anecdotes as well. And despite everything I learned about him, I wanted to learn so much more.
Not that I’ll ever get the chance.
“It doesn't matter though, Bri,” I say. “He's leaving, and I have no idea what the future holds. For all I know, he's going to meet somebody over there, get married, and never set foot on U.S. soil again.”
She laughs. “That's some positive thinking right there, Lex.”
“That's just realistic,” I tell her. “What we had last night was great. I won’t lie. But I think we both just got caught up in the moment and once we've had a chance to sit back and process it, we'll realize it was just that – a moment. And moments pass.”
Sabrina takes another drink of her coffee and falls silent for a long minute. She leans against the counter and just studies me. It goes on so long, I start to feel a little uncomfortable beneath her scrutiny.
“What?” I finally ask with a nervous laugh.
“That's part of your problem, you know,” she says.
“What is?”
“That you overthink things sometimes,” she replies. “You sit back – process things – and then find a thousand reasons why something won't work, instead of just letting it play out organically.”
I open my mouth to rebut her point, but then close it again. Deep down, I know she's right. I've long known I overthink things. But I'd rather think something through thoroughly and make a decision based on rational and logical facts, than just rush headlong into something.
I've never been somebody who runs strictly on emotion. I rely on my brain more than my heart – which is mostly why I'm so confounded by my reaction to Duncan in the first place. He somehow managed to override my brain and appealed directly to my heart instead. Everything I did with him last night, from the first to the last words we spoke – not to mention everything in between – came from a place of pure emotion. And I'm feeling incredibly uncertain in the aftermath of it.
“Lex, sometimes, you just need to let yourself feel,” she says. “You need to listen to your heart, rather than that big brain of yours.”
I let out a breath. “Yeah, maybe,” I sigh. “But, like I said, it doesn't even bear thinking about anymore since Duncan is leaving.”
“He'll be back,” she assures me. “And judging by the way he was looking at you last night, I have no doubts he'll be touching base with you when he does.”
“Yeah well, we'll jump off that bridge when we come to it.”
Bri laughs. “You know who his family is, don't you?”
“He told me a bit about them last night,” I reply. “We mostly talked about his relationship with them.”
Sabrina smiles like she's got the juiciest bit of gossip ever and can't wait to share it. “The Clyburne family is one of the wealthiest in all of New York. We're talking billions,” she gushes. “And Doctor Duncan Clyburne is on the list of Manhattan's most eligible bachelors every single year. Hot and rich? Yeah, you could have picked worse.”
“I didn't pick anybody,” I laugh. “It was an accident and we just started talking after that. Besides, you know I'm not about the money. I'm not like that.”
“I know,” she says. “All I'm saying is that if you were going to fall for somebody, you could have fallen for a lot worse than him.”
“Oh, so now I'm falling for him?” I say and laugh. “Kind of jumping the gun a bit, aren't you?”
“Maybe,” she admits. “But, I'm just so damn excited. This is the first time in like, forever, that you've actually shown interest in a guy.”
“Yeah, well, there's a good reason for that.”
“Duncan is nothing like the pigs you work with,” she tells me. “Believe me. I don't know him well, but I know him well enough to know that he's a genuinely good guy.”
If I'm being honest with myself, I can already agree. After spending time with him last night, I can see that he can sometimes come off as a little gruff. I saw him cycle through a lot of different personas last night as we sat and talked. At the core of him, I really got the sense that he's a good guy. I imagine some of those other personas, and aloof cynicism, are maybe just a function of having grown up in the fishbowl I imagine wealthy families like his had to.
I imagine that growing up in one of the richest, most powerful families in the entire state of New York forced him to adopt a persona of cool detachment. I guess it would be a survival instinct he would’ve had to develop as he grew up and found that people aren't always who or what they appear to be.
People are always looking to use you, get over on you, and then discard you when they're through with you. I've experienced it more than a few times in my own life – and I don’t have much of value to really offer people. Having the kind of money Duncan has must make it ten times worse. A hundred times. Admittedly, it's not always money people are after. But having it probably makes even more people come at you.