I couldn’t utter a single word. I felt broken; it was al too much for me to accept in such a short amount of time.
Once in his seat, he turned the heater to its highest setting and pul ed forward. Occasional y, Jared would reach over and brush my hair back from my face, or hold his warm hand affectionately to my cheek, but the only sounds were the heated air blowing through the vents and the road under the tires.
The Escalade came to a stop on the street behind Andrews. Jared walked with me to the door in silence, but when I put my hand on the knob, he touched my arm.
“Nina, I know it’s a lot to take in, but he loved you.”
My eyes focused and I shot a glare at him. “You knew my father?”
Jared’s eyes tensed in anguish. “I know everything that he did…he did out of love for you, Nina. You were his world.”
“You don’t know anything about him,” I said through my teeth. “You don’t know anything about me, and unless you give me some answers, you can leave. I am sick of being lied to!”
“I’ve never lied to you,” Jared said, angry and shocked that I had dismissed him so easily.
“Why are you so secretive? Why do you always know where I am? How did you save us this morning? How did you do al of that?”
“This morning you were fine with not knowing al the details.”
“That was before I found out my entire life was a lie.” Angry tears overflowed and rushed down my cheeks. “I just need one thing in my life—just one —that I know is real. I need someone to be honest with me!”
“Nina,” Jared whispered, reaching out for me. I pushed him away and he winced. “Don’t do that. I’ve had to stand by and watch you cry so many times…I can’t do it anymore.”
“What does that mean?” I asked him, keeping him at arm’s length. “What do you mean you’ve watched me cry? Please just tel me the truth!”
Jared hesitated and then sighed. “I can’t. Believe me when I say I wish to God that I could, but I can’t.” His eyes were heavy with a lifetime’s worth of frustration.
“I believe you,” I said, opening the door. “I don’t want to see you anymore. Please leave me alone.”
“Nina….” Jared said. I met his eyes one last time before shutting the door behind me. He knocked twice. “Nina,” he said in a low, desperate tone.
I pressed my head against the door and let out a weak, muffled cry. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t worthy enough for the truth. Anger took hold of me again, and I pushed away from the door, making my way to my room.
Beth sat at her desk, clicking the keyboard on her lap top when I swung the door open. She jumped and turned when the door knob hammered against the wal .
“Where were you? Ryan was waiting for you to come.” Her eyes bulged when she saw the expression on my face. “Nina?”
“I went to The Gate to get a bite to eat before heading to the hospital, but I ran into Mr. Dawson,” I said, slumping onto my bed.
“Mr. Dawson?” Her voice flew up an octave. “Why was he at The Gate?”
“He grabbed me, told me he wanted me to get the papers for him—“ “He grabbed you? Does Jared know?”
My eyes darted to hers with suspicion. “What makes you ask that?”
She hesitated, picking at her delicate fingers. “He always seems to have the best timing.”
“He didn’t show up this time.”
She leaned her head closer so that I would look at her. “Have you seen him today?”
“He just dropped me off,” I sighed.
“I don’t understand. He didn’t show up, but he brought you home?”
“Can we not talk about this anymore?”
“Oh. Sure. I’m sorry.” She dropped her arm from my shoulder and left me to sit on her own bed.
After a few moments, Beth sighed and fidgeted.
“What, Beth?”
“Nina…,” I waited for her to gain the courage for whatever it was she was struggling with. She took another breath, but it didn’t equip her with the bravery she was hoping for.
“What is it?”
“You love him,” she blurted out, quickly bracing for my reaction.
“I don’t love him. I don’t know anything about him.”
“How much is enough to know about someone before you can love them?”
I thought back to the way I felt when I was around him, the way his touch sent electricity through my body; the way his eyes melted me when he looked beyond my irises to something deeper, as if he could see my emotions dance around inside of me. I felt protected and whole in his presence that rivaled even the absolute security and love I felt being near my father. I shuddered when I considered how miserable my life would be if Jared did as I asked and left me alone.
“You love him,” Beth confirmed as she watched my expression. “He loves you, too, you know. It’s so obvious, almost as if he loved you before you met.” I shook my head in denial and Beth’s voice raised a tone higher. “Nina. Seriously? After everything that’s happened?”
“If he does, it’s not enough to trust me with the truth.” I winced at my own words. I didn’t realize how hurtful it would be to say them out loud.
“He’s stil not talking, huh?”
“I told him to leave me alone tonight.” Beth began to speak but I continued, “I didn’t mean it. Wel , I meant it, but it’s not what I want. Al he has to do is be honest with me, and he just...refuses.”
“Why do you have to understand it? Can’t you just be with him and forget about the rest?”
“Be with him how? I don’t even know where he lives. I don’t know his phone number, if he’s right or left-handed, or his birthday…I don’t know anything about him,” I said, disgusted with my predicament.
“I’ve seen you two together. It wil al work out,” she smiled.
I rol ed my eyes at her simple solution. Beth’s logic made my feelings more complicated than necessary, and I was glad when she seemed to give up. I was devastated about Jack, furious with Cynthia and found Jared guilty on principle. Other than that I didn’t want to think about it. Anger was easier to control than feeling betrayed.
Thursday morning I fol owed Beth to the table reserved for the coffee pots and various sugars and other creamers. Per her usual, Kim appeared behind us and complained about our additives. I gripped my travel mug with both hands, keeping in line with my friends.
Beth stopped in her tracks, initiating a pile-up. I slammed into Kim, and the coffee I held exploded from the slit in the lid, splattering in a vertical line from col ar to hem of my coat.
“Beth!” Kim and I both yelped in unison.
I looked down at my coat and used my mittens to brush off the dripping, mocha-colored liquid. Someone abruptly grabbed my arm and yanked me forward. I didn’t have time to see which of my girlfriends it was, because Jared’s incredible blue-grey eyes caught my attention the second I looked up.
I took quicker steps than I should have to be within conversation distance, but once I stood within a few feet of him, I couldn’t speak.
“Running late, aren’t you?” Jared said, seeming pleased at my reaction.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, baffled.
He laughed and looked down. I saw from my peripheral that Beth and Kim were just as awestruck as I was. I couldn’t imagine what had possessed him to show up here, and I was even more clueless at his carefree manner; as if our conversation from the night before had never taken place.