“Sweetie, what is it?” I asked.
His bottom lip popped out. “If Daddy’s working away from home, who will get me if I’m sick?” The kids had started school the day before, as had Cecily. I’d hoped to catch Matt at drop-off that morning, but he had hustled in the opposite direction before I could even manage a wave.
“Do you feel sick?” I asked Miles.
“No.”
“Good. But if you did get sick, the school has Daddy’s cell phone number and mine, too. He can leave. I can also come get you, you know.”
Miles pushed his empty cereal bowl toward the center of the table. “Cookie told Grandpa Arjun that you’re glued to your desk.”
“She said that, did she?” I looked at Sanjay, who made an exaggerated grimace. “I hope you know that’s not true.”
“How could Mommy work if she was stuck to her desk?” said Stevie, looking up from a book.
“I’m pretty sure Cookie was implying that Mommy works too much,” I told them. “But I’ve been working less these days.”
“Is that why Daddy’s going to work now?” said Stevie.
“No,” I said at the same time Sanjay said, “Yes.”
“Sort of,” I conceded. “But you’re big kids now. You’re in school all day, and things are changing a little for our family.”
“Like things changed for Cecily?” said Miles quietly.
His comment shredded me. “No, sweetheart, not at all like that,” I told him. “I can’t promise nothing bad will ever happen to Mommy or Daddy, but I don’t think you need to worry about us dying.” I would have to find some wood to knock on, and maybe say a prayer before crossing the street. All the same, there was no need to prime my children to be paranoid—not when I was perfectly happy to fret for all of us. “Listen, you two, it’s Daddy’s first day and we all need to get moving. We’ll talk more about this later, okay?”
Miles’ worries were fast forgotten. “Since it’s Daddy’s first day, can we get ice cream tonight?” he said, giving me his best puppy-dog eyes.
“Please?” Stevie chimed in. “Because you went to New York and didn’t even bring us a gift?”
“I never promised to bring gifts, but be good this morning and we’ll think about it, okay?”
I’d forgotten that translated as “yes,” and they nearly knocked me over hugging me. “You enormous children,” I said, kissing each of their heads. “It’s a good thing I love you way too much.”
“What about your husband?” said Sanjay with mock indignation.
I walked over and kissed him. “I love you the exact right amount,” I said. “Break a leg today.”
When I arrived at work, I opened an email Yolanda had sent me at six that morning. She wanted me to come to her office as soon as I got in, which was completely nerve-wracking. Wasn’t that what happened to people who were about to be fired? I told myself to stay cool, but my stomach knotted at the thought of losing my job the same day my husband started his. We still had no idea if his job would work out, and his salary alone couldn’t support us.
She was at her desk, swiveled sideways in her chair; her long legs were twisted around each other. “Did you enjoy your time off?” she said.
“I did,” I said. My voice warbled, so I swallowed before adding, “I haven’t been to New York in a long time, and it was good to be back.”
“I find traveling opens my mind in a way that doesn’t happen at home or in the office.”
“I agree with that.”
“Now that you’ve had a chance to think, I’d like to ask: Are you planning to stay in development?”
Was this a segue to her firing me? Or as Russ had suggested, did she think I was going to quit? I sat up a little straighter in my chair. “I have no plans to leave.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” She clasped her hands and leaned forward. “Because as it happens, I do.”
“You’re . . . leaving?”
I had never seen her smile so wide. “I accepted the top development position at UCLA’s school of medicine.”
“Wow. Congratulations, Yolanda. They’ll be lucky to have you.” I meant it, even if I wondered why she had scheduled a one-on-one meeting to tell me this.
Yolanda being Yolanda, she had already anticipated my next mental step. She tilted her head and regarded me. “I wanted to meet with you privately so I could ask you about applying for my position.”
I couldn’t hide my surprise. “Really?”
“Yes. In the interest of transparency, I encouraged Russell to apply, too. But Dean Willis and I both think you have a lot of potential.”
“I’m incredibly flattered . . . but I’m also flabbergasted,” I admitted. “I thought you were disappointed in me for asking for time off.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “No, I said there were procedures to be followed.”
“But you’ve also expressed concern about my work over the past few months.”
“And in each instance, you’ve been able to prove me wrong. That’s ultimately why I decided to ask you to come forward as a candidate. This position involves having hard talks and making your presence known. I didn’t think you had it in you, but you do, Penelope.”
This was a big compliment. I wondered why it didn’t make me feel better. “Thank you,” I said.
“You’re welcome. Needless to say, if you take my position, your salary would be considerably higher. Granted, you’ll have to ace the interview.” She regarded me, and I glanced down at my dress, which was a plain navy shift. “You’ll need to dress sharper. That’s doubly true if you take the job. I may be the only person who will say that to you point-blank, but that’s only because it’s absolutely true.”
I nodded.
“You’ll also have to acquaint yourself with some of the nuances of working with . . .” She pursed her lips. “The ultrarich. I know you do a stellar job with our wealthiest donors, but I’m specifically referring to the select few I don’t hand off to you and Russell, as they’re a very particular type, if you get my gist. And you’ll need to get used to being on the road several times a month. But I’m not leaving until the end of October. We would have a couple of months to noodle the details together. So, what do you say? Would you like to interview for VP of development?”
“Yolanda, I’m flattered,” I said slowly.
“But?” she said.
But I wanted to reduce my schedule—not expand it. Still, I knew it was the biggest opportunity of my career. “Could I see a write-up of the responsibilities the position entails? There’s a lot to your job that I don’t know about. I’m also curious to know what my salary range might be.”
Yolanda narrowed her eyes, and I steadied myself for some sort of reprimand. “I’ll inbox you that and the job link today. Dean Willis and I would like your application by next Monday.”
“Absolutely.” I stood. “Thank you. This means a lot to me.”
“Thank yourself, Penelope. You’ve been doing the work, and you told me to pay attention to that. This is all you.” As she stood and gave me a knowing smile, I took a minute to appreciate her preternatural poise and commanding presence. I wondered if I would ever be able to fill her shoes.
I wondered if I wanted to.
When I got back to my office, Russ was sitting in my desk chair. He grinned at me. “So, Yolanda tell you about your new job?”
I eyed him. “How did you know about that?”
“She talked to me last Friday.”
“Right. Then you know it’s hardly mine ,” I said.
“Oh, come on, Pen.” He spun in a full circle, then made a grand gesture indicating I could have my chair back. “Obviously I’m dying for the gig, but everyone knows you deserve it. Why don’t you look more excited?”
“Don’t I?” I said. There was no window to see my reflection in, but maybe I would put a mirror in my office. Or I could just take Yolanda’s.
“You’re going to apply, aren’t you?” he asked.
“I’m not sure yet.”
“You’ll have that sweet office, a massive corporate expense account, and a legitimate reason to be free of the ol’ ball and kids several times a month.” He grinned. “No offense, but you could get a new set of wheels, too.”
And a house with smooth ceilings and a bathroom on the first floor. We could sock away more than a few dollars for the kids’ college funds and max out our retirement contributions.
I knew I was supposed to be leaning in—these were important years in my career, and I wasn’t getting any younger. If what I’d read was to be believed, opportunities to vault myself to the next level would be few and far between.
But . . . I wasn’t so sure I wanted to upgrade my wardrobe and get a haircut that said business and perfect my ability to hobnob with the ultrarich.
I was equally unenthused about the possibility of working even harder , at least at this particular job at this particular juncture, and regularly being away from my husband and children. Because now I knew—really and truly knew in a way I hadn’t before—that it could all end in an instant. And if, God forbid, that happened, would I take my dying breaths feeling glad for getting a chance to fly business class?