“Mmm…pancakes.”
He looks up with a wicked grin on his face, his chin resting on my chest. “I think maybe pancakes turn you on more than I do.”
Laughing, I pull his face up to mine, my hands still tangled in his thick hair, and plant a kiss on his lips.
“Your pancakes are amazing, but they don’t come close to what you do to me.”
“Show me.”
It drives me wild how when we’re intimate his voice changes to a tone used just for me. It’s not the same voice he uses on stage—the voice millions have heard and love. This deep, husky, sensual version of his voice is mine only.
I reach down between us and slip his hard cock into my hand, palming the slippery tip. Groaning, he slides one hand under my body, cupping my ass and pulling my body up to his. My thighs are spread wide around him, and I guide him between my slick lips.
“Fuck me, baby. Take all of it.”
I move my hands down to his hips and ride his cock from below, thrusting up to take him deep, then sliding myself down to the tip. He’s completely still, eyes closed, his tongue at the edge of his parted lips, his hair hanging down over my breasts. He’s breathtaking, so lost in us. The sight of him drives me wild, makes me even wetter with desire for him.
Sitting back on his heels, he pulls me up to straddle his lap and holds me up in his arms, rocking me back and forth on him. I hang onto his shoulders and kiss him hungrily. I love our size and strength difference; the way he can lift and move me with his arms like I’m a doll turns me on like mad.
He thrusts deep inside me and catches my whimper with his lips. Slowing, he gently grinds my body into his. My clit rubs against him in just the right place, my body clenches around him, and we explode together, our bodies slippery with sweat, our mouths never parting.
“That was definitely better than pancakes,” I say breathlessly.
After a long shower together, we have breakfast on the back patio while hummingbirds flit around his flower garden. He excuses himself to take a call from his manager, and I go up to the guest room to pack my things. I’m leaving with more than I came with, because Blue took me out to dinner twice to fancy restaurants and insisted on taking me shopping beforehand for sexy dresses. One black, and one red—just like the one I wore that night years ago. He’s also sending me home with some of his band apparel—a hoodie, a T-shirt, black thong panties, and my very favorite item—a T-shirt he wore yesterday that still smells like him. Weird? Yes. But comforting to have with me at home when I’m aching for him.
I’ve missed Lyric like crazy this week and I can’t wait to see her, but I’m dreading leaving Blue. I feel like my heart is being torn in two, not being able to be with both of them. His schedule is going to be packed for the next few months, so we’re going to have to rely on phone calls, emails, and the occasional weekend together until he settles down.
Rock star dating life, Reece said yesterday. The true test of patience and trust.
I’m the Queen of Patience. Perhaps the Jester of Trust. But I’m trying.
“You packed?” Blue’s in the doorway, eyeing my suitcase on the bed.
“Yeah.”
“But your flight isn’t until tonight.”
“I know, I just wanted to get it done.”
He takes a deep breath. Clicks his piercing.
“I wanted more time.”
“I do, too.” I smile, but inside I’m crying. I’m already missing the groove of comfort we slipped into together. Breakfasts, walks, long talks in bed that stretched into the early morning. Romantic dinners, rocking out in his car. The mind-blowing sex. Him playing the guitar just for me.
He’s my very own everything.
He crosses the room, leans his head against the window frame, and stares outside.
“We’ll see each other soon. And Lyric, too,” I say to his back.
“I know.”
I go to him and put my hand on his arm. I touch my lips to his shoulder and let them linger against the warmth of his skin.
“Blue? You okay?”
He nods and turns to face me.
“Yeah. I just feel…off.”
“Off?”
“The things that used to scare me? Now they’re all I want. All I can think about. And I feel like I get a taste, and then it’s gone.”
A twitch of anxiety stirs in my chest. “Do you mean me? Us?”
“Yes. I love the band but it pulls me in so many different directions.” He taps his head with his finger. “My mind spins all fucking around with everything.”
I nod and push back the anxiety building in me. “First, I’m not gone. I’m here, with you, even when we’re apart. And second, I know it’s a lot of pressure but I think you just have to try to tackle one thing at a time.” I feel helpless attempting to give advice. I know nothing about what goes on in his band and on tour and all the behind-the-scenes things that he must deal with.
“I guess I want to be in two places at once and I can’t. And everyone else wants me to be in twenty places at once. I like you sleeping with me every night. I like the steadiness of the day with you. I feel content. At peace, like my aunt said the feather would bring. You’re the only thing that’s ever made me feel that way and I’m afraid without you I’m going to get jumbled up.”
Jumbled up.
I want to be the parachute—the thing that will gently glide him safely through life. I could quit my job, homeschool Lyric, and travel with Blue to all the places the band takes him. It would be a different life for us but it might be exciting. Lyric and I could see the world. I could be there for him, night and day, to give him the peace he needs. I could keep him unjumbled and straight.
I swallow hard, ingesting the craziness that tried to fly out of my mouth and become a very unrealistic reality.
I can’t uproot my daughter and my life right now. Someday... I would love to. When I know that Blue can promise us the same security and commitment we can give him.
I want nothing more than to support him and be his rock when he needs me. I always will be. But it has to be equal, or at least close to it. I need him to get there on his own.
“We can talk every day,” I promise. “And video chat. Everything we have still remains even if we’re not physically together, right? Hasn’t it always?”
“Yes. Always.”
“Then we’ll be okay.” I reach for his hand and I’m met with his—clammy and shaking.
His eyes are dark and intense, the smile I’ve gotten used to seeing this week is gone. “I don’t want to lose you, Piper. I want to do everything right and I don’t know how. I’m afraid I’m gonna screw everything up. Like I always do.”
“You won’t. You’ve been perfect. I’ve never been happier. You don’t have to worry about anything.” I squeeze his hand tighter.
“Do you think it’ll last? With me being all over the place?”
I want it to. More than anything. But if we last depends on him.
I can’t say that to him, though.
And I’m not sure if by all over the place he means as in traveling, or as in his mind.
“I hope so. That’s all I want.”
He looks uneasy. Worried. Lost in the forest of his thoughts again.
“I may have sorta fucked up,” he finally says. He stares at the floor, avoiding me.
Please no. Not again.
My heart plummets then gallops rapidly like a horse trying to climb out of quicksand. I struggle to breathe calmly.
“Wh-what do you mean?”
He rubs his palm across his forehead. “Yesterday… I did something that maybe I shouldn’t have done.”
Shit.
“Did you go buy drugs? I had a bad feeling when you left. It was so abrupt, and you didn’t tell me where you were going, you didn’t invite me to come.” I shake my head. “I just don’t understand.”
His face contorts with disbelief. “What? No.” He pulls away and takes a few steps away from me. “Fuck, Piper. Is that what you thought?” he asks when he spins back around.
“I’m sorry, Blue, but yeah, it kinda crossed my mind. And now you’re acting all weird.”
“I didn’t go buy drugs. I’m totally clean. And I’m not acting weird, I’m fucking nervous.”
“What are you nervous about?”
He shoves his hand into his front pocket and comes out with a tiny royal blue velvet box. “This.”
I stare at it in his hand as my heartbeats accelerate to warp speed.
“I don’t know how to do this. I know I’m supposed to plan a big mind-blowing fucking moment. And I wanted to, babe. I really did. But the place I really wanted to do it is too far away. So now I just feel like I fucked this up and it’s going to be another disappointment from me that you’re gonna have to live with.”
Oh my God. Is he asking me to….
He snaps open the box. “A long time ago I promised to give you all the tomorrows I could. I know I’m not supposed to make any life decisions, but fuck that shit, I’m making this one because nothing is going to change it. I know we can’t get married until I’m cool and prove I won’t slip up. But until then I want you to have this, so you know I’m dead serious. So you know you’re the one, you’re it, you’re my home.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry if I fucked this all up and it’s not mind-blowing.”