“No,” Diesel returned instantly. “Because I was suffocating, it was going slow, but I knew if I stayed a part of me would die and what was left, even as much as I got off on it, it wouldn’t be worth living anymore because I was a selfish fuck. I wanted it all.”
The air in the cab got heavy and Mad left it at that for a few beats before he said, “That isn’t selfish, Diesel.”
“How you think Gunner’s gonna be when he rolls up to our commitment ceremony?” Diesel asked.
“I think Gunner’s gonna get his head out of his ass, and if he doesn’t, he’s not invited.”
“He’s my brother, Mad.”
“He’s a cocksucker, the bad kind, D. He treats everyone like shit, even you, and he doesn’t even know you’re bi. That also includes Rebel, who’s a damned handful but she’s golden to her core. No one can dislike that girl. She’s Molly in little sister form whose hearts and flowers can turn to kicking ass because she’s got more moral fiber than anyone I know and isn’t afraid to shout the walls down when she feels like someone’s fucking over someone she loves or doing the wrong thing.”
Their conversation was weighty, but still, D had to smile about the truth of that.
“We’re gonna put a ring on Molly’s finger, D. We’re gonna commit in front of God and family and everybody. We’re gonna make babies with our girl. We’re gonna build a family,” Maddox declared. “And if those assholes aren’t all in with that, they’re not in at all.”
His last words rang so close to what Tommy had said years before, Diesel felt a chill hit the back of his neck.
“Yeah?” Maddox pushed.
“What do I have to give to all that?” Diesel asked.
“Sorry?” Maddox asked back, his graveled voice now gritty.
“Built-in babysitters. Lots of Christmas presents. Big Thanksgivings. Huge-ass graduation parties. And that’s all you and Molly and your people. And then there’s me. I got nothing to give but me.”
“And Rebel, and if you don’t know this, it shocks the shit out of me, but she’s three aunts, two grandmothers, and a couple of dozen nosy but well-meaning cousins all rolled into one,” Maddox returned.
That also was the damned truth.
And he wanted to smile at that too.
He just couldn’t.
He turned his head to look at Maddox again but he didn’t get to say what he intended to say.
Maddox was still speaking.
“And if you do not get that even if you didn’t have Rebel, you’d be enough, you’d be all we needed, then Mol and I are seriously falling down on the job.”
That hit him low in the gut and right in the throat.
He looked back out the windshield. “We need to quit talking about this.”
“We needed to start talkin’ about it about four years ago. Now we’re here, last thing we need to do is quit.”
He again turned his eyes to Mad. “I’m serious, bro. You need to let this lie.”
Maddox glanced at him, back to the road, and let that sit until he turned on his signal to go left on 44th.
“For now, brother,” he murmured after he stopped at the end of the line of cars waiting to make the turn.
Diesel shifted his gaze out the side window.
That feeling hit him in the gut and throat again after Maddox made the turn and they were nearly to Indian School Road.
It did because Mad said quietly, “Thanks for tellin’ me about Tommy.”
D wanted to pass it off with a “whatever,” but that wasn’t in him. Not then. All his cocky had left the building.
He felt weird.
Exposed.
Raw.
Wrong.
And he had since that scene with Sixx watching.
Blurting that shit about Tommy hadn’t helped.
He didn’t know what would help.
Except maybe Molly getting home and them getting back to where he felt right. Secure. Good.
He waited until Maddox turned into their drive before he declared, “Think we should lay off the fucking until Molly gets back. She’ll be rarin’ to go and we need to be ready for her.”
Mad pulled his truck in beside Diesel’s, shifted into park, switched off the ignition and turned to D, resting his forearm on the wheel.
“Man, if you think you’re gonna tell me about the first ass you took, the first cock you took, the first man’s mouth wrapped around your dick and you think you aren’t gettin’ me stakin’ my claim to all of that, think again. We get in there, I’m goin’ at you, brother. We can rest up for Molly over a beer later and lay off each other tomorrow, but only after my cum’s deep up your ass.”
“Seriously, Maddox—” D started, and Mad’s hand snaked out, catching him at the back of the neck.
He held hard and leaned in.
“That body’s mine,” he growled. “You’re tired, I’ll hold. You’re raw, I’ll hold. You’re slippin’ into your head about shit that’s crystal clear to everyone but you, no fuckin’ way, D. You don’t hold me back like that, not like that. You know who owns you and you think about it for a second, you know, tellin’ me about Tommy, even if it’s ancient history, your man’s gonna stake that claim.”
That shit hadn’t occurred to him.
Nothing had before it all came rushing out of his mouth.
But giving it a second to think about it, Maddox did not lie.
Still, D pulled at the hold and felt his face get hard. “I didn’t tell you so you’d—”
“I don’t give a fuck,” Maddox bit off. “You keep this up, I’m gonna strap you down and switch you red then fuck you until you make a permanent dent in the bed and you’ll be in no condition to help me take care of Molly when she gets home.”
D stared into his eyes and kept pressing against the hand at his neck but otherwise didn’t move until his whole body jerked when Mad’s other hand shot out and gripped his junk.
Then he smiled that hot, nasty smile and D, already hard, only got harder taking it in.
Mad didn’t miss it or the opportunity to do something about it.
He dragged the apple of his palm tight along D’s length as he dug his fingers in at D’s neck and his smile turned into a hotter, nastier sneer that made Diesel’s balls draw up.
But all he said was, “Yeah.”
Then he let him go, got out of the truck and Diesel watched him walk to the door.
You love all of a person and if you don’t, you don’t love them at all.
He had that from Molly.
It fucked with his head, but he had that from Maddox too.
He gave it back to Molly.
And he knew it fucked with Mad’s head he couldn’t give that back to Maddox.
And that fucked with D’s head.
“Christ,” he exploded, eyes on the side garage door Maddox had disappeared through.
The man needed to lock his truck and D didn’t have the key.
“Fuck,” D muttered, threw open his door, jacked his body out of the cab and stalked after Maddox, his hard-on rasping painfully, which meant spectacularly, against his fly.
He barely made the door to the garage when the locks on the truck beeped.
Maddox was waiting for him to get out.
You love all of a person and if you don’t, you don’t love them at all.
Diesel entered the garage to see Maddox had made it to the inner door and was holding it open, looking at him.