“Yes,” he whispered. “Most amusing.”
I did not look but I feared he stood, grinning down at me for a long moment (because he stood by my bed for a long moment) before he finally bid me goodnight and took his leave.
There it was.
Proof.
The gods had forsaken me.
I understood that from a wee girl but it seemed since then I’d held on to a vein of hope.
That hope was dashed.
My cousin Frey liked me and found me amusing.
Him and others besides.
I was a disgrace to my House.
Blast.
Chapter Five
Get with the Program
Franka
“Is everything all right, my lady?” Josette asked.
I turned my head from my contemplation of the view outside the newly-installed window, in font of which my chair was resting, and looked to my maid, trying not to be annoyed at her hovering concern.
“Everything is just fine, Josette. Except perhaps you can bring me my book?”
She jumped as if she’d been asleep and just awoken before she dashed to the book sitting on the nightstand, like procuring it was of grave import. Once this crucial task was accomplished, she dashed directly to me.
“There you go,” she said, offering me the slim volume.
“My appreciation,” I murmured tightly, taking it.
“Anything else?” she inquired. “Do you feel pain? Would you like me to brew some willow tea? Are your dressings chafing? Would you like me to assist you back to the bed?”
“I’d like, my dear, some quiet and peace in order to read,” I replied with forced composure.
“Yes,” she returned swiftly. “Of course. I’m just in the other room should you need to call.”
As she had been for the last three days, only a slight raise of the voice away.
I watched as she made her way to my dressing-room door, a small antechamber of that room where her narrow bed was located, but I stopped her before she vanished behind it.
“Josette?”
She turned to me.
I continued, “We haven’t discussed it, but I’d like for you to share how you knew to awaken Noctorno and take him to the buttery.”
Her inquisitive look turned guarded and it took a moment for her to answer.
As this moment passed I sought patience, something of which I’d once had a profuse amount at my disposal. Patience was important when one engaged in plentiful amounts of intrigue.
Something I’d found slipping of late.
When I was on the cusp of prompting her, she declared, “I sleep light.”
“This is not quite an explanation,” I noted when she said no more.
“I’ve been in service almost all my life. When my employers have need of me, night or day, I’m trained to be awake and aware.”
“You’re an excellent maid, Josette. Are you saying something woke you, you found my bed empty and went in search of me?”
“Actually, you woke me, closing the door to your room. I worried about you, your…well, state of mind being…well…” She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter. The thing is, I was worried so I followed you.”
How curious.
I hadn’t heard her. I hadn’t even sensed her.
Then again, my mind had been on other things.
“And thus you saw it all,” I remarked. “Or heard it, when you weren’t bustling to go tell Master Noctorno what was happening.”
She visibly swallowed.
I studied her and as I did so I watched her anxiety escalate.
As noted, she’d been an excellent maid for some time.
The past several days, however, she’d been more.
Therefore, I found myself assuring her softly, “I’m not angry with you, Josette.”
“He was…” she shook her head again, “Master Noc was the only one I was certain would…help,” she finished feebly.
“I’m certain you’re quite right,” I replied.
She took a step toward me and stopped. “I’m very pleased you’re not annoyed with me, Lady Franka. I thought…when the subject came up, you’d…” she trailed off and didn’t continue.
There was much about this to consider and I’d most assuredly considered it over the last few days.
Namely, the filthy secret of Nils, Anneka, Franka and Kristian Drakkar being out.
And the end of the domination, fear and torment.
It was unexpectedly not easy to come to terms with.
Considering my mother’s magic, and the life I’d led where memories started with suffering in a way I knew nothing else, I’d never pondered a life without Nils and Anneka meting out their brand of ruthlessness. A life not living under the cloud of it happening again, doing my best to escape it and finding ways to keep safe from the minute I could.
I should have been relieved. Even joyous.
And yet I was not.
I felt a good deal of humiliation, but more of shame with an underlying uneasiness.
Kristian, I’d learned (from Finnie during one of her many visits), wanted to settle his wife and child after the fright of Mother appearing, and then they were journeying to the Winter Palace to see me. Valentine had offered to bring them there much quicker, that was to say in an instant, but Kristian had declined, fearing his young son’s reaction to such a happenstance.
Though mostly, I’d decided, it was probably that this offer was extended right after Valentine interrupted my mother’s preparations so my brother was likely more concerned about the state of mind of his family than travel plans.
It was highly unusual (and if they were to journey by sleigh, which it seemed they were going to do, meaning I’d be at the Winter Palace even longer than the queen decreed) but I was keen for my brother’s visit.