“So that’s it?” she managed, pressing her hand to her midsection to physically hold herself intact. “We’re through?”
“I don’t know. I honest to God don’t know.” He looked at her. “I have to be with her. I’m sorry if that hurts you but that’s where I am. I hope you can understand.”
Understand his affair? Understand how magical it was? “I don’t want to understand, you asshole. I don’t care how great things are. You are destroying us. We are never going to be able to put the pieces back together. Don’t you see that?”
“I see I’ve hurt you and that was never what I wanted. I wish...”
“What? Oh dear God, don’t you dare say you wish you could have us both. Don’t be that much of a jackass.”
She wanted to scream at him. She wanted to stab him and beat him and most of all, worst of all, she wanted to beg him to not want Treasure anymore.
She hated him and loved him and hated herself for her weakness. She knew, no matter what, she couldn’t give in to it. She couldn’t say the words because if she begged, she would never be able to recover.
“Treasure has a reputation for using up her lovers and tossing them aside,” she said instead. “Have you considered that?”
“I have, but it will be different this time.”
For the first time since hearing the news, Finola’s smile was genuine. “Is that what you think? That you’re her one true love and you’ll be together forever? She’s what, fifteen years younger than you, and one of the most famous women in the world. She has a thing for married men. I’m sorry to break it to you, but you are just one of many.”
“You don’t know what it’s like with her.”
“Maybe not, but I’m familiar with Treasure’s type. I have loved you for a long time, Nigel, but make no mistake, you’re not going to win her heart. Not the way you think.”
Her brief moment of humor and bravado faded, leaving her bleeding once again. She felt old and used and more tired than she’d ever been in her life. There was nothing to be done here, she thought grimly. Better to just have him gone.
“Take your ski trip and enjoy your pop singer. When things go bad just remember the price you’ve paid. When she’s done with you and you want to come home, it’s going to be too late. In the end, you will have lost everything and all for a piece of ass.”
“Don’t call her that.”
His defense of Treasure was yet another slap. As the words hit her, Finola realized she had nothing left. No way to convince him, no actions to show him. It was as if all the years of their marriage had never been. Nigel was on a romance high and until he crashed, he wasn’t the least bit interested in them or her or what they’d had together. Their joint life was nothing but something he had to escape.
She pointed to the garage. “Get your crap and get out.”
He started to speak, only to shake his head and walk away. She went into her office where she looked up a locksmith online and called.
“Yes, I need to get all my locks changed. Today, if possible. Four o’clock is great. Yes, I’ll be here.”
She gave her address and hung up. It was a small gesture, but at least it was something. She felt shattered and vulnerable, but despite how much she hurt, she wasn’t going to die. Not even if she wanted to, which meant she had to take one step, then another. She’d never given up on anything in her life. She sure as hell wasn’t giving up on herself.
* * *
Zennie parked in front of the house and pulled out her phone. The text from her mother, sent to all three sisters, reminded them of the meeting they all had Friday afternoon to talk about how they were going to help her go through the house. Finola was still in Hawaii and was excused, but the rest of them were expected to be there, and on time.
“The rest of us?” Zennie asked out loud. “That would be Ali and me. You could actually use our names, Mom.”
But that thought was for herself. She dutifully texted back that she would be there, then turned off her car and walked up to the house.
Bernie opened the door before she could knock. The two friends looked at each other before Bernie said, “I know this is awkward. I want to make it clear that whatever you’ve decided, you’ll always be my best friend. If the answer’s no, I’ll never bring it up again and we’ll go on as we were, I swear.”
She stepped back. “Come on in. Hayes is in the living room.”
The two-story house was typical for the neighborhood—twenty-eight hundred square feet, four bedrooms, with a formal dining room and a great room. About fifteen years before, an old shopping center had been torn down and houses put in its place. There were wide sidewalks, a playground and access to a desirable school system.
Bernie and Hayes had bought the house right before their wedding and had been so excited to move in. Over the past few years, they’d done some updating and had turned the tract home into their own.
Bernie led the way to the small formal living room. Hayes stood when they entered. He looked nervous, Zennie thought. They both did.
Zennie perched on one of the wingback chairs while Bernie and Hayes sat next to each other on the small sofa. The room was completely silent.
Zennie thought about the few minutes she’d spent online, looking up the basics of the procedure. She figured pregnant was pregnant and she would learn about that as she went. She was healthy, fit and she loved her friend. The decision had been an easy one.
Zennie smiled at them. “I want to do it. I want to be your surrogate.”
Bernie reached for Hayes’s hand. “But? Is there a but?”
“There’s no but. I talked to a friend of mine who works for an ob/gyn and she said it’s a relatively simple procedure. I already have an appointment with my gynecologist to check blood work and have a physical. Once we know everything is fine, we wait for me to ovulate. When that happens, Hayes, um, provides us with his sample, then it’s inserted into me and we wait to find out if I’m pregnant.”
She smiled. “I’ve contacted my HR department and they’re sending over information on what’s covered through my health insurance. My paid leave is six weeks, which should be plenty.” She paused. “I think that’s all I have now. So if you two still want to do this, I’m in.”
Bernie and Hayes looked at each other, then Bernie ran over and pulled Zennie to her feet. “Thank you,” she breathed as they hugged. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Zennie hugged her back, then looked from her friend to Hayes. “I’m happy to do it. I just need you to be clear on one thing.”
Hayes and Bernie exchanged another look.
“What?” Hayes asked, sounding worried.
Zennie moved next to Hayes. They were both blondes. He had hazel eyes while hers were blue, but their coloring was the same.
Zennie shrugged. “You’ve got to be okay with getting a white baby. I want to say we could be hoping for a very pale olive skin tone, but it seems unlikely given what we’re working with here.”
Bernie burst out laughing and rushed over to hug them both. “I have a white husband and best friend. I can deal with a white baby.”
Hayes pulled her close and kissed her. “Good to know. If we move to a nicer neighborhood, everyone will assume I’m sleeping with the nanny. It’s kind of sexy.”
Zennie was glad they were keeping things light, but she’d wanted to bring up the race thing. Bernie wasn’t going to look like her child and that needed to be okay.
She and Bernie sat together on the sofa while Hayes ducked out.
“Are you sure?” Bernie asked.
Zennie grabbed her hand. “Look into my eyes as I say this. I want to be your surrogate. Nothing would make me happier. Once we start the process, you have to promise you’ll never ask me that question again. Got it?”
“I swear.”
Hayes returned with a folder. “We’ve drawn up a contract. You’ll want to read it and have a lawyer go over it. Basically it says we’ll pay every expense you have. Everything from deductibles to prenatal vitamins.”
“Which you need to start taking,” Bernie said with a smile.
“We’ll cover your salary if you need more time after delivery,” Hayes added. “We’re also taking out an insurance policy on you so if something happens and you can’t go back to work, you’ll get two million dollars.”
“That seems excessive,” Zennie murmured, slightly overwhelmed by what was happening. She reminded herself that she’d only been thinking about this for a few days while they’d been planning it for months.
“It’s just in case,” he told her. “We’ve also made arrangements to have the baby given up for adoption, if we die while you’re pregnant. We’ve researched different agencies and have found the one we think is best.”
“We’re not going to die,” Bernie assured her. “But if the worst happens, you’re covered.”
Zennie hadn’t considered the possibility that something could happen to them, leaving her with a baby.
“This is a lot,” she admitted.
“It’s overwhelming,” Bernie told her. “That’s why we wrote it all down and want you to read everything before you make your final decision. You can still back out. It’s perfectly okay.”