“Okay,” I whispered.
“My ma was fuckin’ gorgeous, but even in his glory days, he couldn’t nail a piece like you, and I’m leanin’ on a cart while you toss in enough beans to feed chili to my entire Club.”
“You never know when the chili craving will come over you,” I said quietly. “Most of those were for the pantry, just in case.”
He stared at me.
Then he muttered (like it was a bad thing), “Jesus, you do it for me.”
“I do…” I paused uncertainly, “what for you?”
“Everything.”
I started breathing funny.
“You keyed him?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Vehicle and face?”
“The last was a mistake, kind of gross, and I don’t feel proud—”
“Butterfly, I need you to get this,” he interrupted me firmly. “I’ve been in love with you since high school. I’ll be in love with you when you walk down the aisle to me, push out our first kid, our second, our third, cry when they go off to college, nag at them to give you grandbabies, and sit next to me on our couch in our pad in assisted living. I got that. I got my family. I got my brothers. I’m healed. You do not have to go off keyin’ my dad’s car. I’m good. Stop tryin’ to make me that way. You already got me there.”
I loved all he said.
All of it.
But I was focused on one thing.
“You’ve been in love with me since high school?” I breathed.
“Did you actually look at that sketch I gave you?”
Tears wet my eyes.
He’d been in love with me since high school.
“Yeah, Carrie,” he answered. “It’s you. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. Fuckin’ always.”
Aaron had said that more than once, and each time until the last I’d convinced myself to believe it.
Now Joker said it and I knew the difference immediately.
I didn’t have to convince myself of anything.
“Can I… can I…?” I started talking at the same time blubbering, “Are you angry with me?”
“Outside of wishin’ you’d told me what you were up to so if you needed that, I coulda watched, no.”
I kept blubbering but also started giggling.
“Now, Butterfly, tell me something,” he demanded.
“Wh-what?” I asked through laughter and tears.
“You go out with the girls anyway?”
I nodded, pulling in breath to control my contradictory emotions.
“We had cosmos.” I lifted my hand. “And I got ice for my hand.”
His jaw went hard and I thought I knew why.
“It’s okay,” I assured him. “Elvira got me ice really quickly. It feels a little tight but it’s fine.”
His eyes came to mine and my heart stopped.
“You’re tellin’ me you went out with your girls to get drinks wearin’ that top?”
“Um…” I mumbled.
“Um?” he pushed, tipping his head to the side.
“Only one guy bought me a drink,” I shared.
His face changed.
Wrong thing to say!
“Tabby told him I was Chaos immediately,” I went on quickly.
“Come here,” he growled.
I was two feet away.
“I am here, Carson.”
“Come… here.”
I stared at him debating the merits of walking those two feet.
Then I did it debating the merits of not walking those two feet.
I walked those two feet.
Joker lifted his hand instantly, hooked a finger in the top of my tube top and slid it across.
My legs started shaking.
“There’s clothes for when you go out with your girls,” he said softly. “And there’s clothes for when you go out with your man. Do I have to explain that fully, or do you get me?”
“I get you,” I whispered.
He ran his finger back but stopped midway and dipped it in the space between my breasts.
My lips parted.
“Your hand really okay?” he asked.
I nodded, focusing on standing and breathing rather than speaking.
“Good, baby,” he tipped his head toward me, “’cause you’re gonna need to use it.”
Oh yes.
I ran my teeth over my lower lip.
Joker watched.
I shivered while he watched.
And when I was done with my teeth and the shiver, he tugged on my tube top until I was pressed against him.
Then finally, he slanted his head and kissed me.
* * *
Dawn was kissing the sky.
The wind was in my hair.
My arms were around Joker’s stomach.
My cheek was pressed to his leather.
The sun was rising on a day after a night when I’d had zero sleep.
Neither did my biker.
But after he told me he’d loved me since high school, we got through my tales of lunacy, he’d divested me of my tube top in a way I knew I was dipping into my savings, going back to that store, and buying every color, then he made love to me on the couch, he’d asked me if I wanted to ride.
It would be our first time together on his bike.
So I’d obviously said yes.
My ride with Snapper was amazing.
My ride with Joker was everything.
Suddenly, the wind quit whipping my hair as he slowed then pulled over, throwing out a boot to idle at the curb.
I stopped being lost in all Joker and his bike were giving me and lifted up to look around.
I did this just as Joker let out a long, low whistle.
Then I saw where we were and my arms convulsed around him.
“Fuck, Butterfly, bumper to bumper,” Joker muttered as we both stared at his father’s truck. “Nice.”
I smiled.
Then I pressed close and lifted up so my lips were to his ear.
“You know, I love you too.”
He kept his eyes to the truck and asked, “No shit?”
I squeezed his stomach so hard he grunted.
Then he twisted his head, looked at me, and when he did, he was smiling, his teeth brilliant white and beautiful against the black stubble he was growing for me.
“I know you love me, Carrie,” he said softly.
“Good,” I whispered.
“Kiss me, baby.”
I pushed forward and kissed Joker on his bike at the curb by his father’s house. I kissed him hard. I kissed him deep. I gave him my tongue and kissed him wet.
He took it and kissed me back harder, deeper, and wetter.
When we broke it, I kept his gaze and said, “I’m feeling ill. I may have to take the day off.”