I realize that I’m holding my breath.
“I just stood there. He screamed for me, and I can remember the way my head was still throbbing from his blow, but I took one step toward him. One step, and then I stopped. And then he fell.” He closes his eyes, and I see the tremor that shakes his body. “I went back to my room, but I didn’t sleep. The next morning the assistant coach burst in with the news that Richter was dead.”
“They can’t possibly convict you,” I say. “You did nothing wrong.”
“There was a moment when I could have saved him,” he says. “I could have moved faster. I could have reached him.”
“Don’t you dare feel guilty for ‘could have,’ ” I say.
His eyes are hard when he looks at me. “I don’t. I don’t regret it for an instant.”
“Damien, don’t you see? You just need to tell the police all of this.”
“All of what? All of the abuse?”
“Yes,” I say.
“No.”
“But—”
“Nikki, I said no.”
I draw in a deep breath. “So what happens now?”
“I called Charles from the limo. We’re going to Munich tomorrow. The legal team is already in place. I’m hoping that we’ll be able to present a decent defense.”
“You have a decent defense.”
“Don’t push me on that, Nikki. I’m not making that aspect of my life public. Richter took a lot from me, but he’s not taking my privacy, too.”
I nod, because there is no point in arguing this right now. “So the tennis center bigwigs in Germany,” I begin. “Charles and your dad were hoping that if you endorsed the Richter Tennis Center here that those folks would pull strings with the cops?”
“That’s right.”
“But you said your dad started it all.”
“I said that I think he did,” Damien clarifies. “I don’t know everything that goes on in my father’s head, but I do know that before I settled with Padgett, he had at least two meetings with my father. Considering your conversation with Carl, I think he may have been involved, too. I think my father must have told Padgett about the janitor—Schmidt apparently witnessed our fight, though he left before Richter went off the roof.”
“That was how Padgett was going to hurt you before you settled?” When Carl said the shit was going to hit the fan, he must have meant the janitor. “He was going to get the janitor to go public?”
“I think so. He’d request more money for himself and for my father, who was pulling the strings. But then when Padgett settled, my dad was frustrated that the plan went awry. So he tipped the German police. I don’t think he expected it to go this far. The case is very cold, after all, and was never officially treated as a murder. The threat was really to get my attention—and my money.”
“But the German police heated it back up again.”
“Yes. And so my father wanted me to appear squeaky clean. His house, his car, and much of his bank account are actually in my name. I get convicted—or I need funds for my defense—and all of that might go away. Worse for him, the public might find out that he was complicit in what Richter did to me.”
“Your father is a son of a bitch,” I say harshly.
“Yes,” Damien says. “He is.”
“But you’re going to come out of this just fine.” I cannot even conceive of the possibility that he will be convicted.
“I’m not so sure,” he admits. “But right now, I don’t want to think about it anymore.”
I pull the covers back and hold out my hand. “Then don’t.”
He meets my eyes. “I should have told you.”
“Yes,” I agree. “But you’ve told me now.”
For a moment all I can see is sadness in his eyes. Then he smiles, and it is as if light is filling my dim bedroom. “Don’t ever forget how much you mean to me, Nikki,” he says as he moves to my side.
“I won’t. But nothing’s going to happen to you.”
He is busy removing the T-shirt that I wear in lieu of pajamas, but he looks at me, his expression serious. “You know that I will always protect you. That I will do whatever it takes to protect you.”
“Stop,” I say firmly. “You won’t be convicted. You aren’t going to jail. You’re staying right here. With me.”
He says nothing, just leans in and presses his forehead against mine. My shirt is off now, his breath on my bare skin is magic. “I’m going to make love to you tonight,” he says. “Slow and sweet and as long as we can stand it.”
“That will be a very long time,” I say, as he begins to trail kisses down my neck and over the swell of my breast. Already my body is tight with desire for him. Already I can feel his erection straining against his slacks. “Take them off,” I say. “I want to feel you. I want you against me. I want you so close that I can’t tell where I end and you begin.”
He raises off me long enough to look at me. Slowly, his mouth curves into a smile. “Yes, ma’am,” he says, drawing a laugh from me.
He rolls off the bed and slowly unbuttons his shirt. I watch, enjoying the show. Enjoying even more the knowledge that this perfect specimen of a man is mine. He folds the shirt and puts it on my desk. He toes off his shoes and eases his pants off. His briefs are gray, but even in the dim light, I can see his erection straining behind the cotton. He takes them off, and I realize that I am licking my lips. Damien notices at the same time, and his soft chuckle makes me blush.
“What exactly does the lady want?” he asks.
“I want to touch you,” I say. “I want to taste you. I want to take you to heaven.”
“What a coincidence,” he says, as he climbs in beside me. “I want exactly the same thing.”
He is on his knees, and he pulls me up so that I am kneeling in front of him. Slowly, he strokes my face, his eyes hard upon me. “I want to memorize you,” he says. “Every line, every curve. The way you smell, the way you taste. I want to lock you in my memory so that I will never be without you.”
“You never will,” I say.
“Nikki—”
I expect him to say more or to kiss me, but my name hangs in the air. For a brief, odd moment, I feel a twinge of fear, but I shove it away. He will not be convicted; he will not be taken from me. I believe it. I do. But as I lie back, I reach for him and pull him down onto me, because I cannot stand him being away from me for even a second longer than necessary. “No toys,” I say, then brush my lips over his. “No kink. No games. Just you inside me. That’s all I want tonight, Damien. That’s all I need.”