My instincts were screaming at me to drag them away to the nearest hotel or volley back to London and spend the weekend there. However, seeing how my friends looked pleasantly comfortable, lounging about the sitting room, it would be rather impossible to drag them out. Maybe I should wait a few hours or so until I brought up the brilliant idea of spending time somewhere else.
Appearing bright and cheerful, I immediately played the perfect hostess, offering refreshments and tea sandwiches. We were in the garden room that was decorated in white with a lot of glass panes and a wide French door that led to the well-tended gardens. It served as our receiving/lounge room because it had quiet elegance, and the view was quite magnificent. It was one of my favorite places in the house and one I had used to gaze at Reiss as he went about his business.
Reiss. Drat.
“Did we catch you at an awful time? You don’t seem too ecstatic to see us.” Ashton comfortably sat next to me, gazing at me as if he had missed me.
Feigning a smile, I appeared gleeful enough, yet deep down, I was a nervous wreck. “Of course I am happy to see you all. I just hadn’t expected it. I thought we were meeting in London in two weeks. You could’ve at least warned me about it.” Had he done so, I could’ve had time to mentally prepare myself instead of being panicky about the situation.
“And what?” He beamed. “Ruin the surprise? I think not.” His fingers caught a stand of my hair before aimlessly twirling it around.
Ashton’s habits consisted of always trying to touch me whenever he could. He had been my first kiss, after all. He and I had been on and off for as long as I could remember. We were on when we saw each other and off when we didn’t. My holidays always had him in them, and this time, I was almost positive he was thinking we were back in the on phase. It would have been fine except Reiss was still in the picture. As a result, I was back to my dilemma.
“I’ve missed you, Ava.”
Giving him a weary look, I tried to say something that would dispel him from gazing at me with adoration, but nothing came to mind. The thing was, I had missed him, too. I considered Ashton one of my closest friends. He and I were quite alike, and that was why we got on so well.
“I have to talk to you about something …” the words finally found their way out, but the receiver didn’t seem to get the hint.
“Come here, love, and give me a proper kiss.” He tried to pull me close; however, I gave him a slashing look before I diverted my eyes towards where our friends were sitting and chatting, making it appear I was unwilling to do a major PDA display in front of our peers.
“Can we do that later?” My heart was beating so fast I almost sounded breathless. I needed to get out of here quickly before I hyperventilated due to massive anxiety. “I, uh, need to check on something.”
Gradually getting back on my feet, I let my eyes roam towards the food on the table and had the brilliant idea to replenish some of the sandwiches and see if there were freshly baked pastries to serve, as well.
“I’ll be back with more nibbles,” I said as I strode out of the garden room, lost in thought as I robotically navigated towards the kitchens.
Entering the busiest part of the house where our cooks bustled to prepare for dinnertime, I was about to ask Dasha if she could prepare some more hors d’oeuvres when the kitchen door opened across the room that led towards the back entry, and in came Reiss. The entryway was for catering and bringing in produce without using the main entrance, which my mother had a distinct request for “the help”, as she odiously put it, not to ever use.
Since Reiss’s mother was one of the household staff, it wasn’t uncommon for him to come in and mingle with the other staff, but this was the first time we had been in the same room with people who might know or might not know about us. He was brightly beaming at me, and I was too perplexed to do anything other than stare at him.
Alarm bells were ringing inside my head. Ashton was in the other room, and I wasn’t sure how to fully explain things with either Reiss or Ashton without causing an uproar between the men.
With my brain half-functioning, I addressed Dasha and requested more food as I ought to have done the second I emerged in the kitchen. I had gotten too distracted by unexpectedly seeing Reiss and feeling this immense sharp pain inside my chest when I came to realize how badly I’d missed him.
Too guilty to even glance in his direction, I gradually retreated as I tried to regulate my shaky breathing.
How in God’s name did I break it to him? He’d been telling me he was crazy in love and he’d do anything to continue making me happy. Subsequently, this—what I was about to do later tonight—would truly make him hate me.
Halfway through my route towards the garden room, I had to halt my steps, stopping midway as I scrambled to the nearest powder room to gather my thoughts. I was hyperventilating and couldn’t seem to get my bearings.
Things between Ashton and I were complicated, but with Reiss, things were simple. All he needed was me, and he never asked for much else. He never demanded, never urged for anything. He treated me like porcelain and never failed to make me feel beautiful.
His eyes …Each time they landed on me, I always saw how much he cared, how much he adored and loved me. I hated myself for what was to come, yet I knew I had to do it. Nothing would come of us if I stayed with him.
“Ava?” A soft knock against the door made me jump to consciousness. “Can I come in?” Reiss’s gentle voice asked softly.
I didn’t say a thing; however, the door still opened as a cautious looking Reiss entered. The moment he saw me leaning against the washbasin, his infectious smile appeared, making me feel all the more like a truly horrid human being.
“Hey, princess,” he greeted as he crossed the space dividing us. “Everything okay? I had to come in to see you and tell you I can’t wait to have you all to myself tonight.”
Upon reaching me in my frozen post, his finger lifted my chin to meet his kiss, leaving me more of a wreck because I loved everything he did to me. I loved his touch and how he made me feel, and I was going to let it all go.
“Reiss …” I started, looking away as I stared at his lips. “I doubt I can come tonight … or any other night, for that matter.” My voice came out as a whisper, almost breaking as I tried to steel myself inside. “I’m sorry—I’m sorry for everything. I truly am. If things were different, it wouldn’t be like this, but they aren’t, and I must do what is best for the both of us. I can’t continue this. I must cut ties with you.”