Shane was still sitting next to me, staring down at the floor. He’d just delivered one of the biggest shocks of my life, and he didn’t have the guts to look me in the eye?
Fury quickly replaced the shock, making my heart pound hard in my chest. “What the hell are you talking about, Shane?”
“It’s complicated.”
“I don’t care what it is. I’m not a whore.”
“I know.”
“I don’t sleep with just anyone.”
“I know that too.”
I stood up. I stomped away, getting as far as the door. Pivoting, I asked, “When you told me I was going to be your submissive, was this part of the deal?”
“Y--yes.”
What the hell? What else hasn’t he told me? “You didn’t tell me that. If you had, I might have…” What? What would I have said? Would I have walked away? Or would I have been skeptical, thinking he wouldn’t actually make me have sex with someone I didn’t know?
Regardless, he didn’t give me the chance to make that choice.
That wasn’t right.
It was absolutely reprehensible. And just plain shitty.
“I didn’t mention it yet because Jordan is the only one I share with. I didn’t expect you to meet him so soon.”
“So soon? In other words, you figured you had time to charm me and seduce me and get me ready.”
“Not exactly.”
I didn’t like that response. It suggested he had thought something along those lines. I’d never felt dirty after sex before. Now I did. Really dirty. And used. “I want to go home. Now.”
“It’ll take some time to get the plane back.”
“I don’t care.” Feeling a rush of tears coming, I ran to my room and slammed the door. I locked it too. Then I sat on my bed and had a good cry.
Why did he do this to me? Why? I wasn’t some prostitute, who didn’t mind being swapped and used and shared for a price. I was an independent woman with healthy self-respect. I choose my partners carefully. I didn’t sleep around.
Then again, I had known from the start that Shane was into some really kinky stuff. He’d been upfront about that much.
And he’d tried to warn me off.
Should I have seen this coming? Was I too dazzled by the money, the great sex, and his drop dead good looks to see what was really there?
No. No! I wasn’t going to blame myself. The fact was I was new. Shane was aware of that. It was his responsibility to inform me.
He’d intentionally kept it from me.
What else wasn’t he telling me?
The bottom line was I couldn’t trust him. And if I couldn’t trust him, how could I continue to see him?
I was maybe twenty minutes into my pity-party when I heard a knock on my door. It had to be Shane. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to see him. But, dammit, I wanted another chance to make him know how insulted and hurt I was.
I yanked open the door to reveal a contrite looking Shane.
“The plane will be here in a couple of hours. You’re free to leave then if you want. But I’d like the chance to explain—“
“What’s there to explain, Shane? That you brought me here to loan to your friend? How often do you do that, huh? Is this your little dirty secret? Is this a haven or is it a place where you can have orgies and not be found out?”
Shane’s face paled a little but he didn’t interrupt. I ranted for at least another ten minutes, unloading all my fury on him until I’d run out of words.
Then he motioned for me to sit on the bed.
Just because I was in the mood to defy him, I crossed my arms over my chest and snapped, “No, thanks. I think I’ll stand.”
“Suit yourself.” Shane sat. Elbows on his knees, he shoved his fingers through his hair and stared down at the stupid floor for a few minutes. “Contrary to what you think, I did not bring you here to share with anyone. I didn’t know Jordan would be here. If I had, I would have taken you somewhere else. I wanted to spend some time with you. Alone. In private.” He lifted his eyes to mine. “You asked me why I was so tense. Now you know. Jordan’s being here completely threw a wrench in my plans and complicated things.”
“It sure did.” Having run out of fury after that ugly rant, I leaned to the right, shouldering the wall, arms still crossed over my chest.
“I was trying to explain earlier, but you didn’t give me a chance to finish.”
Had I cut him off? Did I react without having all the facts? A part of me hoped there was more to this. I wanted to hear something that made it all less…ugly. “I’m sorry if I jumped the gun. But you can’t blame me, can you? I mean, I’m the newbie here. I trusted you to tell me what is going on. And then, out of the blue you tell me a man I don’t know is expecting to have sex with me. Expecting. That freaked me out.”
“Of course it did. You’re not like the other submissives.”
Other submissives. It seemed I had been right about one thing. He did bring women here. And they shared them, swapped them, did God only knew with them.
I held back a shudder. “Are there others? Now?”
“There have been,” he admitted.
“Recently?”
He nodded.
I needed some time to think about this. I couldn’t do that here.
“Shane, this is a lot for me to absorb. I thought I could handle it, but maybe I can’t. Maybe it’s not enough to just be your submissive.”
“I understand.” His expression completely unreadable, he nodded.
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s no reason to apologize. I knew we’d eventually hit an impasse. That was why I’d discouraged it from the beginning.” He sighed, looked at me, dark shadows in his eyes. “But a part of me wanted it to work. Badly.”
“Me too.”
I plopped on my butt on the bed. “If I decide…if I can’t see you again. I hope you won’t disappear for another ten years,” I said.
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
I blinked once, twice. My nose was burning. Dammit, I was going to cry. My insides were twisting up into knots, and it hurt. A lot. More than it should, considering how brief this thing with Shane had been.
Shane placed a hand on my knee, gave it a little squeeze. “You’re better off without me.”
He left.
God, what an awful thing to say about himself. I was better off without him. It was as if he didn’t deserve to be cared about, to have a real relationship, one that was committed and genuine and loving.