“But then, what?” I breathe.
“But then I met you,” Declan says, his eyes intent, “And, yes, I fell in love with you, like I expected to. Only, it turns out that I had no idea what falling in love with a woman like you would mean. You changed everything, Kassie. For the first time in my life, I wanted to keep going. Meeting you made me want to live, again. I knew that I had to get out of my deal with Lorenzo, and I tried. Remember the first week you arrived in Vegas how I was gone for a few days? ”
I nod.
“Well,” he continues, “I was visiting an old war buddy who's pretty high up in the Navy now and has some connections in the FBI. The feds were already trying to get a case going against Lorenzo and I offered to help in exchange for immunity for me and my club. Well he said he'd look into it, and I came back to Vegas hopeful...” he sighs and forces a smile before continuing on. “Turns out it takes months to build a case like that. Months I didn't have at the time.
So I thought I'd go to Lorenzo directly and try to back out. But of course, he wouldn’t let that rest. I had no choice but to fight in the fourth match, but the morning of the fight I realized there was no way I was going to throw it and leave you here alone. So I had to...take matters into my own hands.”
“You’re the one who ratted Lorenzo out?” I gasp.
“I would never rat someone out,” Declan says sharply, “Not even Lorenzo. But after he threatened you I was willing to bend my own rules. So the morning before my match I may have paid a visit to one of those bald bastards that attacked you at the casino...and convinced him within an inch of his life that it was in his best interest to rat his boss out for me. I sent him to the FBI and promised not to have Dante's Nine show up at his family's house, too.
He gave up Lorenzo in exchange for immunity, and with his insider knowledge, the feds had enough to build their case. I worked out a deal with the FBI: my testimony in exchange for full immunity for myself and the club from any possible fallout. We’ll all walk out of this clean, Lorenzo will get locked up, and I’ll try to liquidate as many assets as I need to in order to get the club back on its feet. It’s going to be hard, there’s no easy fix for our troubles, but it’s worth it...who knows maybe CrowdedNest will blow up bigger than we think.” He smiles.
“If the club is in trouble and they need money, why don't we just forget about the site for now and use the cash to help the club?” I try in earnest.
“I can't get into details...” he says, looking straight ahead. “But Kassie, the club needs a lot more than $250k. That's a drop in the bucket compared to my final cut from Lorenzo's scheme.” He squeezes my hand and grins wearily at me. “Besides, don't forget I have a ten percent stake in your genius company that'll soon change the world.”
“I...don’t know what to say, Declan,” I stammer, looking at him with wonder.
“Say that you love me,” he prompts with a smile, “So I can give you the right response, this time.”
“I love you, Declan,” I tell him.
“I love you too, Kassie,” he says, pulling me toward him.
I catch his face gently in my hands and lower my lips to his. His heartbeat monitor picks up the pace as we kiss, deeply. It’s like the storm clouds overhead have finally broken to make way for clear sky. For the first time in my life, I honestly believe that things might actually work out for me. We’ve got a lot to figure out between us, Declan and me. But after this summer, I think we can handle a little figuring out.
“Declan, can I ask you a question and can you please answer me truthfully?”
He sighs. “Kass, I can't discuss club business—”
“No, that's not it...” I swallow hard before beginning again. “Dec did you get involved with Lorenzo because a part of you no longer wanted to live anymore?” I can feel tears welling behind my eyes once more.
He looks at me, with lines of shame and sadness burned into his features. He lies back against his pillow and closes his eyes, gathering his thoughts and quelling the demons that so obviously tear at his soul. “Before I met you, yeah...a big part of me no longer felt deserving of happiness, of love, of life.” He opens his eyes and meets my gaze, steady once more. “Kassie, I've done horrible things in my lifetime. I've killed men—countless men—with my bare hands. Worst of all...during my deployments, there were times I'd undoubtedly been responsible for killing innocent women and children.”
He stops and averts his gaze. I can see the heartbreaking sincerity in his face; this man is truly remorseful for the things he's had to do to survive in this ugly, brutal world. If I'm honest, it frightens me that he's capable of such unrelenting violence. However, I realize it's much the same way a loving, loyal, pet dog can turn into a ferocious killer if beaten and backed into a corner enough times. I don't know everything about Declan's past, but I know that deep down he's a good man, he knows what it means to be loyal, and loving—that much is sure.
I lay my hand against his scruffy cheek as the tears stream down my face. “Declan, I know that you're a good man and that everything you've done for your club, everything you were forced to do for the military...you did it because you had to. You're a loyal, loving, honorable man who was dealt a bad hand and did the best you could with the tools you were given. I can't even begin to imagine the shit you've been through, but I want to be with you to make the rest of your life better, if I can. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to live your life, Declan.
He looks up at me as if God himself has just given him a pardon. “Will you stay here with me?” he asks, running his fingers through my hair.
“Of course. I haven’t left the hospital since—”
“No. I mean in Vegas. For as long as you’ll have me,” Declan says, “I don’t know how yet, but I want to make this work, Kassie.”
“Well. There’s no rule book for how to have a stable relationship with a man like you,” I tease, “But I’m certainly willing to write it.”
“I’ll make it worth your while,” he says, running his hands down my sides, “I promise you that.”
“Oh, I have no doubts in that department,” I tell him, resting my hands on his firm chest, “But in the future, could we maybe try to minimize the amount of times I get shot at?”
“Deal,” he agrees.
I curl up beside him on the hospital bed, rising and falling with his every breath. We fall into silence, reveling in the confidences we’ve just shared. I haven’t the slightest idea what happens next between us, but I am miraculously unafraid now. Nothing between Declan and I has ever been normal, conventional, safe, or stable. But I’ve come to realize something important about myself—I don’t need any of that. All I need is the man I love, a roof over my head, some good friends, and some good whiskey.