I needed to go shopping for a black bra and panties.
* * *
Josie stood next to me as I stared up at the wall of bras, unsure which one would be the right bra for my next Friday night fantasy date. Date. Yeah, that’s how I’d begun to think of my time with Cash on the top floor of Club X. It might not have been exactly correct to call our time together dates, but that’s what I was going with.
I hadn’t told Josie or Erin what I’d been up to with Cash, so my sudden interest in lingerie seemed odd, at best. Josie must have been a descendent of some world class detective because we hadn’t been in Victoria’s Secret not five minutes before she began asking questions.
“A black bra? That’s not really your style, Liv. What’s going on?”
Twisting my face into a disgusted expression, I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for always reminding me that I’m your Well On My Way To Being An Old Maid friend. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. It’s just that any time a person begins to act out of character, her friends should take notice.”
“Thank you, Miss Marple.”
Josie arched one eyebrow in her usual fashion when I said something she found odd. “Not an Old Maid? Who says Miss Marple these days? If I’m any detective, it’s Beckett from Castle.”
“Thanks, Detective Beckett.”
“You’re welcome. Now what’s up with the new bra? Who’s checking out these undergarments?”
“Undergarments?”
Josie’s gorgeous smile spread across her lips. “I wanted to use a term you’d be familiar with. See? I’m here for you.”
Turning back to face the wall of bras once again, I stared up at the assortment of black ones. Some would give me cleavage a man could get lost in, while others seemed to have tiny details to make any sex partner happy. Or so I imagined since I couldn’t figure out why a teardrop shaped faux crystal would be hanging between my boobs.
“Well, here for you, which one should I pick?”
Josie looked up at the choices and pointed to one of the deep cleavage bras. “That should make your 34Bs look pretty good. What do you think?”
“I think I might never see my toes again.”
Her head swiveled left and then right, and she pointed at a black lacy one. “What about that? Lace is very sexy. Just ask Miss Marple with the lace doilies.”
Sighing, I shook my head. “No lace then. Next!”
Josie leaned in next to me and said in my ear, “I might be more helpful if I knew why this sudden interest in black bras.”
Something inside me made me want to share my secret with someone, so very quietly I said, “I’ve been meeting Cassian March every Friday night in a fantasy room at Club X.”
“Shut the fuck up!” she announced to everyone within earshot.
I looked around, horrified that someone might have heard her. A middle-aged mother with her young daughter checking out the table of boy shorts shot me a glaring look, and I gave her my best plaintive apology face. Pulling Josie away behind a rack of yoga pants, I worked to stifle her need to know more about my secret. “Josie! Indoor voice!” I whispered.
She looked around and said in her lowest voice, “Shut the fuck up. You’re fucking Cassian March? Jesus, Liv, when did this happen and why the hell didn’t you tell me before?”
“I took your advice and reserved a fantasy room. Nothing big. I just said I wanted to experience what it was like not to always be in control. It was probably the most boring fantasy request they’d ever seen.”
“Then how the hell did you get that incredible piece of man meat to join you?”
I shrugged and shook my head. “I don’t know. The first night the man who joined me in the room ordered me not to speak and didn’t speak to me, so I didn’t know who he was. Then last night I showed up expecting whoever he was not to say a word, but when the man spoke, it was Cash. I couldn’t believe it.”
“How was he? I have to know if I was right. Please tell me he fucks like a wild stallion. I need to know there are still men out there who know how to take care of a woman.”
“I don’t know. We didn’t do anything like that.”
“You didn’t have sex with him? Why ever not?”
Sheepishly, I looked away back toward the wall of bras. “He didn’t want that, I guess. He never even let on it was him.”
Josie walked around me to look at me with eyes wide with surprise. “And you didn’t make a move? Again I ask, why ever not?”
“I can’t change who I fundamentally am, Josie. I reserved the fantasy room to try to be less inhibited, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Anyway, he seems far more interested in toying with me, now that I think about it.”
“Toying with you? What do you mean?”
“He likes to touch me and talk a little, but nothing else. He hasn’t even tried to have sex with me.”
Josie made a face like she was mulling over everything I’d told her. It wasn’t the wild sex story she wanted. “So why buy the new bra and panty set?”
Hesitating for a long moment, I finally admitted the truth. “He told me his favorite color was black.”
I waited for Josie’s response, expecting her to read me the feminist riot act and accuse me of being little more than a doormat for a man. Instead, she winked and smiled. “The old Livy would have been too afraid to go out and buy his favorite color bra. I think it’s pretty cool that this new you is willing to make that effort, even though you aren’t sure where this is going. Looks like Rome is well on its way to being built.”
“Thanks, Josie.”
“I just don’t understand one thing. If you knew it was him, why didn’t you let him know?”
“I don’t know. I got the feeling he might not want me to know, although I’d know that voice anywhere. He’s got to know I know.”
“Then why wouldn’t he say so?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with any expectations I might have outside that room we go to.”
I’d tried all last night and all morning not to obsess over that fact, not wanting to believe that our time together meant so little to him. I wanted to think he enjoyed spending those hours with me, even if he didn’t want to be with me like that any other time.
“Do you plan to let him know you know it’s him?”