Eden’s soft calling of his name jerked him from his thoughts, something that occurred with frequency when he was in her presence. In his job, absolute concentration was a must. Distractions could get him or one of his teammates killed, and so he was used to having absolute focus. But with Eden? He found himself drifting into internal conversations with himself. Pondering, wondering, self-conscious and a host of other things that crowded his mind when he was with her.
He glanced up to see that she’d set her fork aside and finished the small portion of food she’d allowed herself.
“Are you ready for bed or did you want to stay up a bit longer?” she asked.
Though the words were said steadily enough, he was now familiar enough with Eden to see behind the face she presented and the fact that her words were casual, measured even.
She was nervous and hesitant, almost as if she were worried that he wasn’t on board for taking that huge step in their budding relationship.
“I vote bed,” he said, his voice husky.
She smiled, but her lips quivered slightly. And then she rose from the table, once again giving him an eyeful of the sexy outfit she wore. He nearly cursed because his dick hardened even more and he’d already sported an uncomfortable-as-hell erection through the entire dinner. Seeing her right there in front of him, her nightwear leaving little to the imagination, turned his dick to stone, pressed uncomfortably against the confines of his jeans.
He got up and held out his hand to her, gauging her mood. She slipped her much smaller hand into his and he gave it a light squeeze as they headed toward the bedroom. It brought an instant smile to her face and lessened some of the tension he could feel radiating from her.
“I’ll climb into bed if you want to get undressed,” she said, heading toward the king-size bed in the center of the room.
It was telling that she hadn’t told him to get changed but rather undressed. The two had very different meanings. And suddenly he was nervous because he would be undressing in front of her, his faults and scars in plain sight once again.
He hesitated, uncertainty gripping him. Eden gave him a look of such caring and tenderness that he immediately felt shame for doubting her reaction even for a moment.
“I want to see you,” she said. “All of you. There’s nothing about you that will remotely turn me off, Swanny. I know words mean little, but I want to show you. I need to show you that I’m sincere.”
Her words gave him the courage to undress, pulling his jeans over his straining erection, wincing at the discomfort. He gave an audible sigh of relief when his dick burst free from its restraints. But then he caught the look on Eden’s face as she stared unabashedly at his cock.
Her cheeks had paled and she looked decidedly uncertain and . . . afraid.
She pulled aside the covers on his side of the bed, inviting him to crawl into bed with her.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said in a low voice. “I’ve argued with myself over whether to even tell you, and aside from that I didn’t want it to change how you felt about me or your desire to make love to me. But you need to know. You deserve to know so that you can back out if I’m no longer someone you want. And I’ll understand. I promise. I’m not going to throw some tantrum and make an ass of myself. I’d die before guilting you into something you didn’t want.”
Unease gripped him around his balls, squeezing to the point of pain. She made it sound as though she were a wanted criminal or had done something unforgivable, and Swanny couldn’t imagine either scenario in the least.
He slid into bed next to her and automatically reached for her to try to soothe the unease he could see in her eyes. She didn’t nestle into his side as he’d intended and instead moved closer but kept her head up so she could look him in the eyes.
“Eden, you can tell me anything,” he said gently. “I can guarantee whatever it is you’re stressing about isn’t going to change a damn thing about the way I feel about you, and it damn sure won’t stop me from wanting you. I’m so hard right now that if you so much as touched me I think I’d come.”
She smiled, some of the tension escaping her features.
“The other concern was whether you’d even believe me,” she said in a quiet tone. “Because with the way I’ve been with you, so forward and bold, I can’t imagine you would even believe what I’m about to tell you.”
Now he was truly curious. Not worried because he couldn’t imagine anything she could tell him that would put him off. Her past lovers didn’t matter. What mattered was here and now and that she was going to be his.
“Just tell me, honey,” he encouraged. “You’re making yourself crazy over nothing I’m sure.”
She sucked in a deep breath, seemingly gathering her courage, and then exhaled in a long sigh.
“I’ve never been with a man,” she admitted in a faltering tone. “You’d be the first. I want you to be the first.”
He stared at her, stunned, in complete disbelief. Of anything he thought she would tell him, this was the very last thing he would have considered. There were so many what-the-fuck thoughts barreling through his mind that he was utterly speechless.
Eden was a virgin? It boggled his mind. The world’s most beautiful woman had never been with a man, and furthermore she wanted him to be her first? It humbled him and scared the shit out of him all at the same time.
What was he supposed to say to something like that? He didn’t feel worthy. Her first time should be special, with a man who didn’t look like he did. Someone more on her level. He suddenly felt clumsy and inept. He in no way underestimated the magnitude of the gift she was offering. But damn it, her first time should be perfect and he was suddenly seized by fear that he’d royally botch the entire thing up.
“Swanny?”
Her voice sounded fearful and she’d pulled the covers farther up until they were tucked under her chin. She sounded as uncertain as he felt, and he cursed the fact that he was making a royal muck of everything.
“I don’t know what to say,” he finally managed to get out. “I had no idea, Eden. And the thought that you want me to be your first . . . I can’t even fathom the magnitude of such a precious gift. Why me? You have to have had better opportunities—options. What could I possibly have to offer you? I feel like we’re caught up in a modern Beauty and the Beast situation. I’m not handsome. Most would consider me ugly. I’m scarred not just on my face but on my entire body. How could you want someone like me?”