And how there was no way over, around, or under the giant impasse that was cop versus criminal.
Even if Hernandez was right and I didn’t need to be slapping on the cuffs or ratting the guys out to Kevin, that didn’t change the fundamental nature of the problem—I’d fallen for a man I couldn’t have.
I wanted time alone.
I should have known that was too much to ask.
I opened my door, and found myself staring at Tyler, standing in my tiny kitchen brewing coffee, looking nine kinds of sexy in a white button-down and jeans.
“You broke in?” I said. “Well, why not? Just another crime to add to the list.”
“A minor one, all things considered.” His voice was smooth and held a hint of humor. I knew him well enough to know he was trying to keep a lid on my temper.
I wasn’t entirely sure it was going to work.
“I thought Cole was the one with the lock-picking skills.”
“No, I said it was one of Cole’s two skills. I don’t believe I discussed my many and varied skills at all.” He held up a mug. “Coffee is on the list.”
“Why are you here?” I asked wearily. I moved to the bed and sat on the edge, exhausted. I wanted to be angry, truly I did. I wanted to yell and rant and scream and rave. But I was just too damn tired and sad.
“Cole told me what happened.”
“Yeah, I kind of guessed that.”
“I never lied to you,” he said.
I exhaled. “No,” I said, “you didn’t. Skirted around the truth, but never lied. And I never looked. I was like one of those monkeys with their hands over their eyes, their mouth, and their ears. I only saw what I wanted to see.”
“You were only really looking at Destiny,” he said. “And it’s scrubbed clean. Evan insisted on that if he was going to remain a partner.”
I shook my head. “No. It wasn’t Destiny I was looking at.” I drew in a breath. “It was you. You filled my vision. Larger than life. Bold and sexy and exciting, and I lost myself in the shine. And now I’m afraid that I see you way too clearly.”
“So now you’re punishing me because I am what you thought I was all along?”
“Don’t,” I said, and now the temper was rising. “Don’t play games. Not now. Not with this. I’m a cop, and you know it. Maybe I’ve been living in a fantasy with you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m sworn to uphold the law.”
“You became a cop to punish yourself, Sloane. You made a cage out of the rules and the laws. But you don’t have to do that. You don’t need to be punished. Justice won that night, I promise you.”
I shook my head. “No. This isn’t about Harvey Grier—it’s not,” I said, though he had raised no protest. “It’s important to me, those rules, those codes. It’s my life.”
“And if I wanted you to be my life?”
His words, said so simply and plainly, were nothing more than a sucker punch. And I had to work not to shake. Not to cry out. Not to shout for him to please not say that again, because just the mere idea of it was too damn tempting—and I couldn’t afford to be tempted.
Slowly, when I thought I could manage it, I shook my head. “We both know that’s never going to happen.” I felt the tears behind my eyes, and as I sat with ramrod posture, I kept my eyes wide open, determined not to cry.
He stood by the sink, his eyes firmly on my face. “I have never wanted a woman the way I want you,” he said, his voice so full of promise and raw emotion that it almost broke me. “And I’ve never let a woman see into my cracks the way I have you. I understand your hesitations. I respect them. But know this. I’m damn well going to push against them.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m tired. And I’m confused. I want to be with you, but I don’t know how. I told you. This is the chasm, and I don’t see a way across. I mean, Christ, Tyler. You’re running an extortion scheme.”
“No,” he said. “Not extortion. Those tapes weren’t for money, but for protection.”
“What do you mean?”
“You might be surprised to know that not all politicians are fine, upstanding citizens. As it happens, the newly elected Alderman Bentley used to be a cog in a wheel that the guys and I ran.”
“The kind of wheel that I’d disapprove of?”
He hesitated only a second, then said flatly, “A money laundering scheme. Bentley was right in the thick of it. And that means he knows too much about our operation. And now that he’s an elected official, he may be inclined to try to use that information to gain pull.”
“Use it and he exposes himself.”
“Maybe. But it might be worth it to him.”
“But it wouldn’t be worth it if those pictures got out,” I said.
“That’s the plan. He stays quiet, the pictures are never released.”
“That doesn’t make it any less illegal.”
Tyler shrugged. “Not really my main concern.”
“What is?”
“Lately? Lately, it’s you.”
“Tyler …” I felt like a hand was squeezing tight around my heart.
“It’s true. It’s why I’m here running off at the mouth. Do you know how much I’m risking letting it out in the open? Because when you get right down to it, what I’ve told you could destroy us. And I’ve never been so careless before.”
“Why now?” I asked, both dreading and craving the answer.
“Because I’m an idiot,” he said. “I’m an idiot for falling in love with a cop.”
“Tyler.” Just one word, but it was full of passion and apology and, yes, love.
He moved from the kitchen to kneel in front of me. “This is more than a game to me, Sloane. And you’re more than just a prize. I want a woman who burns with me. Who melts into me. Who fits into all my hollow places. That’s you, Sloane. Do you see that? Do you know it? You’re my everything. You’re my whole world.”
I swallowed, overwhelmed with emotions—confusion, fear, love.
He rose up and brought his mouth to mine, his kiss both possessive and tender.
“I told you once I want no secrets between us,” he said, as he trailed his fingers up and down my arm. “I meant it. I want to tell you everything. I won’t bore you with a laundry list, but if you have questions, just ask.”