Then again, maybe that’s why she was sharing the story with him, because he didn’t care and he would go away. Maybe it was sort of like talking to a therapist. She decided to continue.
“Susie’s body protected mine because she flew forward, hitting her head on the tree, and cushioned my own impact. Her brain swelled and by the time help found us, I was awake, though I couldn’t see, so I had no idea what bad shape Susie was in, let alone how to get out of the mess we were in. A family was out riding bicycles and found us, called emergency services and sat with us until they arrived. Susie went into a coma. She still hasn’t come out. My mother…” She choked again, feeling the sting of her mother’s words to the very depths of her soul.
“My mom was so distraught, she banned my father from coming near us again, and he was so consumed with guilt, he let her get away with it. And then, after she didn’t have our father to yell at anymore, she turned her anger on me, telling me that she would still have her daughter if I hadn’t been so reckless, hadn’t been so much like our father, out to prove to the world how macho I was.”
“McKenzie, those were just words spoken in grief,” he said, which is what counselors had said to her before.
“Except that she never apologized, and then the longer she was in the care facility, the angrier she became. We lost everything – our house, possessions, everything, because Mom wouldn’t leave her side, and the medical expenses were outrageous. After a year, she finally went back to work, but every dime she had went into Susie’s care. My mother died when I was twenty, but not before telling me that I better take care of Susie, especially since I was the one responsible for the vegetable she had turned into. Even on her dying breath, she was next to her, lying in a bed, holding her hand. She never gave up on praying that she would one day wake.”
McKenzie had tears streaming down her cheek as she thought back to that day, thought back to those early years.
“What happened to her? How long was she in the coma?” he asked.
“Does that matter? Really? You don’t give up on the people you’re supposed to love,” she said, wishing now she had never brought up this topic.
“McKenzie…” His voice was quiet.
“She died five months ago…” she barely managed to whisper.
It was the reason she’d sold Relinquish Control. She hadn’t needed it anymore since she wasn’t weighed down by huge medical bills. She could finally do what she wanted to do, and feeling that way sent a whole new level of guilt through her.
“I’m sorry,” Byron said.
“That’s what the doctors said, and the counselors. Everyone is always so sorry.” She was still bitter, more bitter than she realized.
“McKenzie, your sister was in a coma for fifteen years,” Byron said, not unkindly, but in a tone that ensured she would listen. Then the next words had her sobbing. “Would you have wanted to wake up after all that time and realize how many years had passed, that even though mentally you are a thirteen year old girl, physically you are twenty-eight, and the world expects you to act like it?”
No one had ever said those words to her – not a single person. She never had thought about what it would have been like for Susie to wake up and not know who she was, not even recognize herself in the mirror.
“I…I don’t know. That’s something I’ve never considered,” she finally said.
“Your mother was wrong to keep her alive by machines and she was wrong to blame you. No matter who was driving, that’s not the point, the point is, you were just being kids, having fun, and you both made a mistake – a tragic mistake, but still, a mistake,” Byron pointed out.
“But I should have told her to slow down. I should have tried to grab the brake. And it was my responsibility to take care of her,” she said, pulling away from him as she wrapped her arms across her chest. She’d been so hot for hours, and now she was unbearably cold.
“You did far more than what anyone could have expected of you. I think it’s time for you to forgive yourself and your sister,” he said as he pulled off the main road and took a long driveway that was flanked on either side with huge trees, creating a canopy, making her feel as if she were in a Southern movie.
“Well, we will just disagree,” she said sadly.
“We will revisit this later. Right now, I want you to put away the sorrow and look ahead. We’re here.”
When they turned a corner, a beautiful three story building looked as if it was rising out of the mountain. “Home sweet home,” she said, once again trying to make a joke, trying to push the sorrow away.
“Home sweet home,” he repeated. He then stopped the car and turned toward her. “Do we need both cabins, McKenzie?”
Chapter Eighteen
McKenzie sat at the bar and sipped leisurely on her martini. It was her second one, and she still didn’t know what she wanted to do. No. That wasn’t true. She knew exactly what she wanted to do. She wanted to let Byron take her to his cabin, slowly peel her clothes away, and make her forget everything bad in her life, make her feel something good. She had never thought sex would be a good experience, but for some reason, she knew it would be excellent with Byron. How she knew that, she would never know.
She took another sip and tried to form words, tried to tell Byron what she wanted. Nothing came from her throat — for some bizarre reason, it felt parched — so she sipped from her glass again.
What was wrong with her? This wasn’t about love, or even about affection —far from it — but she knew what it was going into it, so what would be so wrong with discovering her body, with being a little selfish for the first time in a long while? Not that she expected complete satisfaction from any man.
Byron was handsome, devastatingly handsome, and she had no doubt that he would make her feel more sensations like the ones she felt when he kissed her. Sure, he had money, but she didn’t care about that. It wasn’t as if they were going to be a couple. This was about sex, and nothing more. She actually despised most men with money because they thought that they owned anything and everything they wanted because of it.
But this was so…so…clandestine, so forbidden. It was also very unusual for her. But, at the same time, she felt a certain amount of freedom in letting down her guard, in focusing on her needs. If only she could accept what he was offering, then she could be free of her worries.