“Hello, Ryder,” Lucah said in a warning tone. I pressed myself into his back so Ryder wouldn’t see my red face. The robe covered everything, but it was still weird for this guy I barely knew to be seeing me so casual.
“What are you making?” I finally turned around. There he stood, wearing only a ripped tank and a pair of boxers that were stretched and hung low on his hips.
“I’ll make you something after Rory goes back to work. What would you like?”
“Christ, you don’t have to do that. I can make a f**king sandwich.” He pulled up his shirt and scratched his stomach and then grinned at me and his eyes traveled up and down the robe, and I pulled it tighter around my neck.
“Little afternoon delight?”
“Ryder!” Lucah said, and I thought he was going to smack him with the spatula.
“Chill the f**k out,” he said, going to sit on the couch and turning on the television.
“God, give me strength,” Lucah said, looking at the ceiling.
Ryder snorted.
“It’s part of the Serenity Prayer,” Lucah said to me.
“Yeah, I know.” He flipped my grilled cheese over and I decided that I was going to get dressed. The tension between Ryder and Lucah was filling the room, and it made me uncomfortable.
I dashed back to the bedroom and picked up my clothes from where I’d thrown them on the floor, making sure I locked the door when I changed.
I rushed through my soup and grilled cheese and gave Lucah a quick kiss goodbye before heading back to work. Ryder just kept watching the television. I was beginning to sense that he didn’t like me. Or he had some sort of problem with me. I knew if I asked Lucah about it, he would either say I was being paranoid, or, more likely, he would talk to Ryder about it, and that I couldn’t have. I couldn’t cause a rift (or any more of one) between the brothers. I was going to go along until this temporary situation was over and then Lucah and I could resume our lives, and hopefully, be a lot happier because Ryder would be on his feet.
I spent the rest of the day fantasizing about that and praying I didn’t forget that I couldn’t walk around the apartment naked anymore, and I would have to knock before using the bathroom. Maybe I could make a “please knock” sign to put on the door.
Ryder probably wouldn’t go for it.
When I got home from work, Sloane was sitting on one end of the couch, Ryder on the other and Lucah in the extra chair we’d recently gotten.
They were all playing Cards Against Humanity. Given the circumstances, it was a really sweet scene.
“Here, I’ll deal you in,” Lucah said, after I gave him a hello kiss. Ryder nodded at me and Sloane gave me a hug.
I curled in Lucah’s lap and looked at my cards.
“We ordered from the Greek place and I made sure we got extra spanakopita,” Sloane said, studying her cards.
“You know the way to my heart,” I said.
“Yes, ma’am, I do.” She flicked a quick glance at Ryder, but he pretended to ignore it. Only a second later, he flicked a glance back at her. Lucah pinched my side to let me know that he knew very well what was going on.
We played until the food came. Sloane won, mostly because Ryder picked her card as the winner every round he judged. It was like he knew it was hers so he picked it.
Instead of eating at the dining table, we parked ourselves in the living room and ate out of the Styrofoam containers.
No one seemed to know what to say, or how to start a conversation, so no one did. The only sound during dinner was the four of us chewing. It was very odd and not usual for me when I ate with either Lucah or Sloane.
“Fuck!” Ryder said and everyone looked at him.
“What?” Lucah was instantly alarmed.
“Nothing, I just couldn’t deal with the silence, so I decided that was the best way to break it.” Sloane snorted, covering her mouth because it was full.
“That probably wasn’t the best way to do it,” Lucah said.
“It worked. Now we’re talking.”
“He has a point,” I said, and Ryder glared at me. Or maybe I just imagined he did.
“So, can we talk about something? Anything? The silence sets me on edge,” Ryder said, putting down his container and wiping his mouth with a napkin.
“Got any ideas of where you’d like to work?” Lucah said without missing a beat. I didn’t think that was exactly what Ryder had in mind and I knew he was going to explode before it happened.
He threw his napkin down and did some more glaring. If he did it too much, his face was going to freeze that way.
“We don’t have to talk about that,” I said, trying to salvage the evening.
“Great, because I don’t want to. Thanks, Rory.” It was the first time he’d said my name.
“You’re, uh, welcome.”
Lucah shook his head and started eating again.
I sent Sloane a panicked look and she sent me one back. Neither of us knew what a safe topic would be. So neither of us said anything and we continued to eat in silence.
After the totally awkward eating experience, we cleaned up the empty containers and cleared up the living room.
“I’m going to bed,” Ryder said, heading for his room.
“Goodnight,” Lucah and I said and we were answered by the slamming of his door.
Lucah groaned and fell back on the couch, scrubbing his face with both hands. I sat down next to him and moved my fingers in his hair. I could tell he hadn’t showered today, but I didn’t care. He could be totally grungy and I’d still want to jump his bones.
“Are you coming back to work tomorrow?” I was so hoping he’d say yes.
“I think so. Ryder has his therapy session, so I’m going to take him to that to make sure he goes and I’ll go from there to the office. I don’t want to miss much more work. Hopefully he won’t do anything crazy while we’re gone. I wish there were some sort of adult daycare we could stick him in.”
We both laughed at that.
“I don’t think he likes me,” I said, breaking my rule about not telling Lucah about it.
“He doesn’t like anyone, and I’m pretty sure that if he hates anyone, it’s me. I think he hates himself a little bit, too. Lashing out and all that. I did that when I was younger. I think anyone who’s been through trauma does it to a certain extent. Some of us just take it farther than others.”
“I want him to like me, but I don’t know what to do or say to make that happen.”