The door closes again, and I sink to the floor. I let the pressure run free, and a sob escapes my lips.
Yet again, there’s a part of me inside that’s broken. But this time, I have only myself to blame.
***
The mattress dips next to me, and I curl myself tighter into a ball. My hands fist the sheets covering me, and I screw my eyes shut. Uncertainty is all I feel, when all I want to feel is—
His arms wrapping around me, pulling me into his hard body.
Aaron buries his face in my neck as he holds me close to him. His chest rises and falls, and I can feel the pounding of his heart against my back. He slips his knee between my legs and kisses my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” I whisper, my words thick with unshed tears.
“I’m holding you, baby. What else do you think I’m doing?”
“You shouldn’t be. You should hate me.”
He urges me onto my back and leans over me. Even in the darkness, his eyes are bright blue, shining like a beacon through the blackness surrounding us. But they’re not angry, not at me. They’re soft and forgiving and everything I don’t deserve.
“I could never hate you, Dayton. Not ever.” He wipes away a tear that escapes. “So don’t say such ridiculous things.”
I lift my hand and cup his face, feeling the roughness of his stubble against my palm. “Why aren’t you mad at me?”
“Because you didn’t keep it a secret to spite me. You kept it to protect me, and yes, it was a little misguided and unnecessary, but you did it because you care.”
“But you did that, too, and I left you.”
He drops his face to mine and kisses me. Certainly. Strongly. “I’m not leaving you, beautiful woman, so get that thought right out of your pretty little head. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.”
“But you did. Earlier. When you found out.” My bottom lip quivers and I bite it gently. “You left then.”
“Because I was a kind of angry I never want you to see. But it wasn’t at you. Not entirely, anyway. Most of it was at her, and if you hadn’t sent Tyler after me, I just might have found her apartment and done something incredibly stupid.”
“I’m sorry.” I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze him tightly.
His arms go around me equally as firmly, and he rolls me onto my side and into his body. He brushes my hair from my face and looks at me, tugging the sheet up over us.
“I know. We’ll talk some more in the morning, okay? Get some sleep now.”
“Never go to sleep on an argument,” I murmur. “That’s what my mom always taught me. You sort it out first.”
“Bambi, we’re not arguing. Not even close.” He brushes his thumb across my eyelid, forcing me to close my eyes, and sets one of my arms over his waist. “Now we’re going to go to sleep together and wake up the same way, today and every day. Understand?”
I nod and push my face into his neck. “I don’t deserve you.”
“And I don’t deserve you, so I guess we’re even. Goodnight, sweetheart.”
Chapter Twenty-One
I wake to the feel of fingertips trailing down my spine and look straight into startling blue eyes. Shivers follow the trail of Aaron’s fingers, and I shift in bed.
And remember the events of yesterday. Guilt hits me full force in the stomach, and I part my lips to speak.
“No. Don’t you look at me with guilt in your eyes,” he says softly. “Cut that shit out, Dayton. What’s done is done.”
I sit up, knocking his arm from around me. “How aren’t you mad at me, Aaron? Why aren’t you yelling and screaming at me?”
“Because that would solve nothing. Am I angry at you? Yes, I am. I’m mad that you kept it from me, but not for the reasons you think. Not because you berated me for keeping her a secret in the first place. I’m mad because this, us… We’re a couple, and we share this stuff. It means we don’t have to deal with anything alone, but you have been.” He sighs, sitting too. “And yes, Dayton, it hurts that you told Tyler but not me. I understand why you’d prefer to tell someone other than me, and I’m glad it was him, but I wish you could have been honest with me.”
“I’m sorry.” The words feel so inadequate, and I understand how he felt. Why he couldn’t say the words in his office when I so desperately wanted him to. They seem so small and unnecessary when the thing you’re apologizing for is so potentially devastating.
“I know you are, and I accept that. Now we’re not going to sit here and think about what could be. We’re going to get up, go to my office, and do something about it.”
I swallow when he gets up. “But there’s nothing you can do. You read the note.”
Aaron stops before walking into the closet and looks at me. “If you believe my influences lie within the modeling and advertising world alone, you’re incredibly wrong. Get up, get dressed, and make me coffee. Without all the sugar.”
I can’t help the upturn of my lips. His company could be destroyed at any second and he’s worried about coffee. Only I could be in love with a man who has that train of thought.
I pad my way to the spare bedroom and change my underwear. When I’m back in the closet, I pull out a pair of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. Aaron grabs them from me and chucks them on the shelf.
“No. You’re not hiding. If she’s keeping tabs on you, which she likely is, then you’re not hiding.” He cups my chin and looks at me square on. “She’s playing a game, baby, and you’re not going to let her win. So ignore the jeans, grab a dress, and pack that self-loathing away because we don’t have space for that in our relationship, okay?”
I nod and pick a red dress from a hanger. “You know, the easy solution to all this would be to just—”
“Say it and I’m going to slap your pretty little ass until it’s red and raw.”
I chew on my bottom lip. “Okay. Not an option. I get it.”
He smirks and spins me to do up my zipper. “Red. Good choice. I notice it matches your panties.”
“Red is my color, and it’s a red kind of day, I think.”
He drops a kiss to the spot below my ear. “I think you’re right. Now, about that coffee?”
I reach behind me and smack his leg. “I need to do my makeup. Your coffee will have to wait.”
I stroll into the bathroom and grab my makeup bag from the corner of the sink. I’m brushing foundation across my cheeks when Aaron joins me.