Lacey ran her finger down the menu. Whizz merely watched her. He liked watching her, the way she moved or looked. During all the time he looked at her, he’d never seen a smile on her face when she was deep in thought.
The time he’d spent with her he knew she was a caring person. In The Skulls, she’d thrive around the children and people. Lacey was a naturally caring person. The club, when they gave her a chance, would see how loving she could be. Angel and Prue already liked her. When she let her guard down, Lacey was a likeable person.
“Do you want to have children?” he asked.
She jerked in her seat, glancing up at him. “Why are you asking me that?”
“I know what happened. I know you can’t have any.” She turned her head off into the distance. He saw the glistening of tears in her eyes. “I don’t mean to bring up something hard. I wanted to know more about you.”
Lacey didn’t answer any of his questions. She continued to look down the list on the menu. He noticed her fingers shook a little. Whizz was a patient man. He wanted to know more about the woman he’d fallen for.
“I think the eggs benedict will be good. I’ve never had that.”
“It’s a hollandaise sauce over poached egg on an English muffin.”
“I’ll have that with some bacon. What are you going to have?”
“I’m a simple guy. I’ll just have the pancakes.” He signaled the waitress, putting through their order. Whizz wished there was something for him to say to make life a little easier for Lacey. She didn’t have anything in life to look forward to. He’d taken so much from her, and yet there was nothing to give back. Those bastards had also taken from her. When had she not had something taken from her? The Savage Brothers needed to die. They were a menace and a danger to everyone, but in getting rid of them, he’d taken from her again.
The waitress left them in silence. Lacey’s hands were locked together in front of her. She didn’t pick up her coffee or make any move to prepare her drink by adding milk or sugar.
“When it happened I didn’t think it would matter. I woke up in the hospital, and the doctor was there telling me all these things that had happened. Dalton, he was there holding my hand. I remember thinking I couldn’t have kids, who cares. I was ten years old. Kids were the last thing on my mind.” He reached out to touch her hands. She stared at his hands but didn’t pull away. “As I got older and I started to realize what was taken from me, it started to hurt. I can’t have kids. I’ll never be able to experience that pleasure or pain, carrying and then birthing a child.” She grabbed a napkin and dabbed under her eyes.
His heart was breaking for her. Most of the women at the club knew what it was like to carry a baby and to give birth.
“It has been hard. I’m not going to lie and say it hasn’t. There are times I find myself wishing for a family. I think about the future, which is insane because I’m thirty years old. My younger days of planning the future are over. I’m not going to find anyone to settle down with. I can’t have kids. My life has been about revenge for so long. I don’t even know if I can join back up into the world of the living.” She shook her head. “I would have loved to have lived a normal life, going out to work, coming home to a husband and a couple of kids, or even staying at home being the wife.” Lacey pressed fingers to her temples. “I’m going insane. There are a lot of things I wish for, Whizz, but there are a lot of people who wish for the same kind of crap and don’t get it. I’m no different from all of those people.”
“You are different, Lacey. People get to have that dream at some point.” He thought about Rose. She couldn’t have children either. Whizz didn’t know why she couldn’t have children. Her life was falling apart, and she couldn’t even have children.
Lacey held his hand once again. “Whizz, I’m fine with being a little different. I’m used to it. If I could have kids I would have loved to have them. I love children. I love family. I get why Butch means so much to you. Family, they’re important. I see how The Skulls work. You’re a family, and no one can take that away from you.”
Whizz wanted to give her that family. How could he give a woman a family when she was incapable of getting one? He’d find a way. There was no way he was going to give up easily on his woman.
“Here you go.” The waitress placed their plates in front of them. “I hope you enjoy.”
They still held their hands even as their food sat between them.
“I’m hungry,” Lacey said.
He released her hand and watched her pick up her fork and knife.
“Is that why you tried to end it?” he asked, staring at her inner wrist. Ever since the truth had come out about who she was, she hadn’t tried to hide her scars from him or the ink that decorated her body.
“There were a lot of reasons to end it. I failed, and I couldn’t do it again.”
“Why not?”
She took a bite of her breakfast. He watched her chewing her food.
“Dalton.” She sucked in her bottom lip, nibbling on the plump flesh. “When I woke up in the hospital again, he told me the next time I tried, if I succeeded he’d join me. I couldn’t risk him losing his life. He had so much to live for. I wouldn’t try it again knowing he’d kill himself.” She twirled her fork on the plate. “I can’t believe I’m sitting here living while he’s dead.”
“Don’t think about it.”
****
Lacey hated the reminder of what had happened in the past. Yes, she wanted kids, lots of kids, but wanting and getting were two different things. She couldn’t have children. Over the last ten years she’d accepted her fate of being alone. There wasn’t any chance of her getting them, so she’d buried the need deep down in an attempt to forget about it. Dalton offered to adopt with her, be her partner. How could they have adopted a kid? They moved around faster than disease. Being with the Savage Brothers wasn’t the ideal environment to raise children. She’d turned him down. Lacey hadn’t wanted to share a kid with him. Dalton had been her friend, nothing more.
She should have seen sooner what the club was all about. The moment Gonzalez had ordered their deaths twenty years ago he’d sealed all of their fates. Two generations of families affected by one name, Gonzalez. Father and son, each man as evil as the other. The club had been infected like a disease with the need to have revenge. That very need for revenge had ended in a lot of death.