Shifting, I reached behind and wrapped my fingers around him. He jerked in my touch, blood throbbing beneath the velvety skin. He felt hotter than usual as if he’d bruised himself, aching with injury.
Q sucked in a breath, pressing my h*ps to collide harder with him. He drove up against my back, rubbing himself in my fist. “Fuck…” His teeth sank into my shoulder.
Pain.
My heart raced at the sharpness but there was nothing else.
No fear.
No guilt.
No other thoughts than pleasure.
The past was dealt with. Finished. The lost parts of me were fixed and out of the wrapping new. The allure of painful excitement existed once again in my heart, and I wanted nothing more than for Q to deliver.
There was no guilt to wade through. No tears at the memory of Blonde Angel or Hummingbird. My grief for them was as it should be: respectful, mournful, but not life-consuming terrible.
I wanted the taboo.
I craved the forbidden.
I panted for the prohibited.
Q thrust up, dragging me from my thoughts. The purple haze was back along with the consuming need to connect.
I wanted him. No walls or cages or second thoughts. Him. All of him.
“I’m ready,” I whispered. “Don’t hold back.”
Q shook his head, grinding his c**k into my tight fingers. “Don’t say things like that. Things you don’t mean.”
I wished he could see into my heart—hear the truth resonating off its walls. “I do mean it. I’m ready and willing and oh so terribly wanting.”
He froze. Sucking in a breath, he didn’t say a word, as if he couldn’t understand what I offered.
Q had healed me. It was time for me to heal him.
Convince him.
While Q stayed immobile and silent, I murmured, “I want your belts and whips. I want your nails and teeth.” Twisting in his arms, I lay on top of him, belly to belly, chest to chest. I locked eyes with his.
He seemed lost, bewildered, completely bewitched. “I mean it, Q. Everything. All of it.”
His face slowly evolved from unreadable to suspicious to hopeful. His eyes tightened, shadowed with apprehension. “Are you sure?” he croaked. Clearing his throat, he added, “I never want to hurt you again. I told you that. Why would you ask for it when I already said you don’t have to give me something you don’t want to give.”
“Because that’s not true.”
He glared. “What’s not true?”
“That I don’t want to give it to you. I do. I need to say thank you—I need—” Bowing my head, I kissed him softly.
He never closed his eyes as if searching for a lie, disbelieving I could want everything he’d always hidden. “Will you take me?”
His Adams apple bobbed, swallowing hard. The scepticism swiftly changed to restlessness. His h*ps spasmed against mine, searching, seeking. “This is your last chance.” His fingers gripped my ass, pressing me hard against him. “Last chance to back out.”
“I don’t need it.”
Q’s eyes fired with need. “Tess?”
My body melted under his stare. It was all I could do to keep eye contact and not kiss him senseless. “Yes?”
“You let me do this, and I’ll take you so far into my world, you’ll be lost forever—mine for eternity.”
I smiled. The cloudy haze in my brain sent exquisite ripples through my muscles. I had no doubt I would be lost, but I would also be found. I would leave my world permanently. I would be initiated into Q’s completely.
Q suddenly tensed; his lips thinned. “J’ai une demande.”I have one request.
“Name it.”
He kissed me hard, melting my muscles, shattering my mind with purple stars. When he pulled back, his voice was flat and slightly cold. “You ask me to be myself. And I want to. How I f**king want to. But, Tess…I need you to promise. I’m not so f**king heartless to hurt you, make you cry and scream—because believe me I will—without a way out if you need it.”
His eyes pierced mine. “Remember the word you used the night you told me it was over?” His voice sounded bitter, miserable.
I hated I’d hurt him so badly. I had a lot to make up for. “I remember.” My hand left the water, dripping with droplets to cup his cheek. “I’ll say it if it gets too much. I promise. I won’t let you force me back into my tower.”
He nodded, tiny lines appearing around his eyes as he concentrated. “You say the word and it’s over. It ends. You say sparrow, and I stop. Tu as compris?” Understand? His gaze dropped to my lips, waiting to see my oath rather than just hear it.
Wanting to give him my vow in the language he’d been born with, I whispered, “Moineau. Je sais que c’est le mot de sécurité, mais je ne vais pas en avoir besoin.” Sparrow. I know the safe-word, but I won’t have need of it.
“Why not?” Q asked.
“Because I’m always safe with you.”
Q guided me forward, leading me through the dark.
My damp hair clung to my back while my equally damp body stayed warm, wrapped in a towel. I couldn’t stop looking at Q. Even in the gloom his muscles cast shadows, making him look not of this world. The perfect V, disappearing into the towel, made my mouth water for sinful things.
I didn’t know what lived in my system but the incessant need and sparking excitement completely overshadowed it. I was no longer high on substances—I was high on Q and what he would do to me.
Q’s fingers entwined with mine, leading me to parts unknown. He looked over his shoulder, checking to make sure I hadn’t changed my mind. I hadn’t. I wouldn’t. I wanted this.
“It makes sense. The darkness,” I whispered.
Q chuckled. “I doubt it.”
I frowned. What is his reason? Mine was a guess—but it made sense—to me at least. It made sense because of what he said before kidnapping me. I studied Q’s na**d back, thrilling with the knowledge he was all mine. “You want to keep the dark as the first stage of the crescent moon. The eclipse before the dawn.”
Q slammed to a halt looking as if the symbolism knocked him on his ass. “Huh. I hadn’t thought of that. But you’re right. That does make sense.”
Curiosity filled me. “What was your reason?”
His lips twitched, but he shook his head. “We’ll go with your idea. Come.” Pulling me forward, he descended a set of stairs which appeared ominously from the gloom.