“You sure? I could cancel the trip. I don't need to go.”
“Have you seen your brother-in-law since the separation?”
“No.”
“Then go. You obviously want to go, or you wouldn't have booked the trip.”
“It was booked months ago.”
I poured myself another glass of wine. “Trevor, either go or don't go. I'm not going to sit here and try to convince you to go spend time with Roxie's family. Let's not play that game.”
“Okay.” He grabbed my feet and massaged the soles, but I was no longer feeling relaxed. I wasn't angry, and I wasn't sad, but I wasn't happy, either.
I tried to push my hurt feelings aside. His ex was still in his life, but he loved me, and I just had to get used to it and believe him when he said I was the one he wanted to be with.
Since that night in the hotel room, he'd told me every day that he loved me.
So why did I still feel so insecure?
Part 5: Christmas
On Christmas day, Trevor drove me back to my house and dropped me off there before going to the airport. Traffic was light, so we arrived with time to spare.
“Do you wanna come in?” I asked.
“Not for ten minutes, just to leave again. It's probably better if I just go.”
I leaned in to give him a kiss goodbye.
He held me tight to him and said, “It's just three days. I'll be back in no time.”
“I know.” I believed him, but I still felt like crying.
I got out of the truck and resisted the urge to slam the door. Who was I kidding? Of course I was pissed, but I was trying to balance those strong emotions with reasoning.
I walked into the house, which was full of aunties and uncles and cousins, and I lost myself in the festivities of the day. The house was full of the smell of Christmas baking and the sounds of laughter.
While the men sat around talking in the living room and the women were at work with my mother in the kitchen, I was in charge of entertaining the kids, chasing them around and supervising games of Hide-and-Seek.
Before long, we were all downstairs in my big bedroom, and the kids—boys and girls—were digging through my closet full of costumes to put on a fashion show for the adults. I took the corsets away from the fourteen-year-olds, much to their disappointment. “Maybe in four years,” I told them.
Nikki came down from the kitchen and helped do hair and makeup.
When we got a moment alone, she said, “I can't believe he f**king left you over Christmas. I'm going to punch him in the face.”
“Nik, it's just three days. I'm okay, really.”
“Really?”
“I trust him. He probably got close to her family and it's a tough time for him. Last year, he was with her, and this year he isn't.”
The sounds of laughter and games pooled over from upstairs and trickled into my bedroom.
Nikki pointed at the ceiling. “He should be here with this wild bunch.”
“You know, maybe that's part of the reason he's going away. Maybe he was scared of all this being overwhelming.”
“Stop sounding so reasonable,” she said. “I'm mad at him, and you're really chipping away at my rage.”
“I think part of being a grown-up is accepting that you don't always get your way, but you don't have to pitch a fit. Life goes on, you know? Compromise and stuff.”
She made a funny face. “Look at you! Being all mature and shit.”
I nodded. “Compromise and stuff,” I repeated.
We went upstairs and got all the adults ready for the fashion show. The kids were adorable, as they are every year. We've got some great kids in our family, and adults, too. As I looked around the room, I realized we all had a lot of love to give.
No matter what happened with Trevor, I'd always have my family.
The day rushed by in a whirl, with a big gift exchange, and soon we had all the extra card tables set up as extensions, and we were passing around platters of turkey. Everyone was teasing my mother about the marshmallows on the sweet potatoes, because she'd used colored marshmallows instead of plain white ones.
“They're festive!” she said, and everyone elbowed each other to take photos with their phones and upload them for friends to laugh at the multi-colored puffy lumps.
The doorbell rang, and we all looked at each other.
“Who could it be?” said my father. “Everyone we know is here!”
One of my uncles said, “That'll be the pizza I ordered. I took one look at those rainbow potatoes and I knew I had to get us some backup food.”
Everyone laughed, and then a hush fell over the room as they all looked up at someone behind me.
I turned to find my boyfriend, Trevor MacIntyre, looking pale and sweaty.
I jumped out of my chair. “Trevor! What's wrong? Are you okay?”
He cracked a grin. “Everyone's fine. The airline wasn't very happy with me, and everyone had to go through security again with their bags, but everyone's fine.”
I pulled him away from the crowd at the table, who were all politely pretending not to listen even as they were intently listening.
He followed me down the hall to the office, and I closed the door behind us.
I asked, “Did you have a fight with Roxie or something?”
“Not at first, but after I told her I wasn't going, she wasn't too thrilled.”
“I'm sorry I made such a fuss. I'm sorry I ruined everything.”
He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “You didn't ruin anything. I nearly did, though, because I was being stupid. I get it now. Roxie's in the past, and you're my present.”
He kissed me, crushing his lips—still cool from outside—into mine. I wanted the kiss to go on forever, and my mind was still reeling that he was actually there, with me, on Christmas day.
He pulled back and said, “You're my future.”
“I don't know. We've only been dating a couple of months. You don't need to make that commitment.”
He caught my hands in his. “You may not be sure, but I am. You're my present and my future, and I love you.”
I blushed then, my cheeks turning hot as I stared at the ground.
“I love you too,” I said, and I pulled him down for another kiss.
We were still making out when my sister came over and knocked on the door before opening it.
She pointed at Trevor and said, “Dude, you are so lucky you manned up, or I was going to punch you in the face at work.”
He shook his head and said to me, “See what I have to put up with at work? My work is stressful enough. I want everything with us to be perfect. No fights. Or at least minimal fights. If you want to talk, about anything, you just say the word and I'll talk.”