She pulled her hand away from him and frowned at him. “Don’t lie to me, Max, is there a possibility that Jacob is not your son?”
He looked at her stony face with wide eyes and stared at the sleeping baby. “He looks just like me.”
“That’s not answering my question, Max.” Her voice was agitated. “He has the same color hair and eyes, yes, but that doesn’t make him your son definitively.”
He sighed and bit his lip. He could feel her withdrawing from him and he spoke again. “There is a possibility that he isn’t my son.”
“And you know who the other potential father is?” She looked at him curiously.
“Maybe.” He spoke slowly, pleading her with his eyes to stop the line of questioning.
“Maybe?” She leaned towards him. “Alexis cheated on you and you knew about it?”
“She didn’t cheat.” He looked away and sighed. “I knew about it.”
“What?” Her voice rose and she looked at him in shock. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to talk about it any further, Sophie.”
“Your fiancée slept with other men and you knew about it and it was okay with you?”
“She is my ex-fiancée.” His voice was harsh. “I didn’t love her and we had an unconventional relationship.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sophie—it’s the past.”
“I want to know.”
“Sophie, there is nothing good that can come from you knowing.”
“I love you, Max. I want to know more about your past.”
“My love for you is all that matters.”
“No, it’s not.” Her voice was resolute.
He sighed and grabbed her hand. “Please, Sophie. I don’t want to go back to that place.”
“I think you owe it to me, Max. A baby was delivered here today. A baby you had with Alexis. I need to know, Max,” she pleaded with him.
“We were members of a sex club, Sophie. She f**ked other men. I f**ked other women. Sometimes we had threesomes, sometimes I didn’t know if I was f**king her or another woman.” His voice was harsh and he looked at her with pained eyes. “Does that make you feel better? Are you satisfied now that you know?”
“No.” Her voice was small and tears sprang to her eyes. Max studied her face and felt a dull rumbling in his ears. He was mad at himself, he had been harsher that he had intended and now she was upset. He didn’t know why she wouldn’t just leave it alone.
“I’m sorry, Sophie.”
“Do you miss them?”
“Miss what?”
“The clubs?”
“No.” His voice was loud. “No. I frequented them at a bad time in my life, Sophie.”
“I want to see what it was like.” Her voice was a whisper.
“No.”
“I want to see, Max.”
“It’s not a good idea, Sophie. You don’t belong in that world.”
“It was a part of your life, Max. I want to understand.” She studied his face and played with her long brown hair. “I want to know everything about your life. I want to understand every part of you.”
“I don’t want you to leave me.”
“I’ll never leave you, Max.”
“I couldn’t survive without you, Sophie. I wouldn’t have anything to live for without you in my life.”
“I will always be here, Max. I promise.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “I love you more than the stars in the sky and the grass on the ground. I just want to understand you better.”
“Okay.” He stared into her eyes. “We can go tomorrow night if Ella will babysit for us.”
“Okay.” She smiled at him weakly.
“And about Jacob, we can give him up for adoption if you want.” His words trailed off and she placed a finger to his lips.
“I would never make you do that, Max.” Her voice was low. “It’s not the baby’s fault.
“Thank you.” He held her close to him and a solitary tear fell from his face and onto the top of her head as he held her close. “Thank you, my love.”
***
Max left the office on his lunch break agitated and upset. He walked quickly to the office on the corner by the park. He greeted the receptionist and walked up the stairs briskly.
“Thanks for fitting me in, Dr. Spencer.” He walked into the office and he greeted his psychiatrist with a grim look. “I know I haven’t seen you in a few weeks but a lot has happened recently. I had to see you. I hope that I didn’t put you out?” He looked at the man with a concerned look.
“Why don’t you have a seat, Max?” Dr. Spencer looked at Max pacing around and gestured to the couch. “What’s happened?”
“My ex, the crazy one I told you about. She had a baby.” Max was shouting. “And she dropped the bomb on me at the same time the baby was delivered to my home and my fiancée.”
“The love of your life fiancée?” Dr. Spencer asked calmly.
“Yes.” Max’s face softened for a second. “She wants me to take her to the club.”
“Did you tell her that that wouldn’t be possible?”
“I tried.” Max sighed. “She feels the need to see it.”
“Did you tell her that you don’t want to relive the memories that time in your life.”
“No.” Max’s voice was anguished. “I don’t want her to know how bad it was. How bad I was.”
“Why is that?”
“I don’t want her to leave me.”
“Do you think she would leave you if she knew?”
“Yes.” Max’s voice was anguished. “It’s too dark, she is too sweet and innocent. I don’t think she would understand.”
“But that is your past, Max.” Dr. Spencer tapped his fingers against the pad and stared at his patient thoughtfully. Max had been his patient for the past three years. He had been surprised that Max had chosen him, being that he was younger and fresh out of grad school but he started to realize that Max had seen him as someone who might understand him a bit better. He knew that he had helped Max but he felt guilty that he was now compromising his trust. “If she loves you, she will understand that this is a part of your past. We all have a past.”
“Will she understand that I once beat someone so hard that he nearly became unconscious and that I was so coked up that I didn’t even care.”