“No offense Aunty Daisy but everyone knows that Harry has never really had a girlfriend since Angelica.”
Everyone went silent and I felt my face burning. Daisy grabbed my arm and took me to the side of the room. “I’m sorry, Sarah. The family is just not used to Harry having someone here with him.”
“I see.” I didn’t really but I was too hurt to care. “Who exactly is Angelica?”
Daisy sighed. “I didn’t really want to say anything. Harry is so secretive and tight-lipped about these things. I had hoped he would have told you, seeing as you are both in love.”
“Oh but we’re not,” I protested.
“I’ve seen the way you look at him, my dear.” She smiled at me graciously. “And it warms my heart.”
I sighed and asked her again. “Who’s Angelica, Daisy?”
Daisy looked at me with sadness in her eyes. “Daisy was Harry’s first love.”
“Oh.” I paused. “He must have loved her very much.”
“He did. We all did.” Daisy smiled at me. “She was like an angel when she was in the house, bringing happiness and laughter to all.”
“Who was an angel?” Harry walked up to us with two drinks and kissed me on the cheek.
“Angelica.” Daisy’s voice was soft. “I felt that Sarah had a right to know.”
“Mother.” Harry’s voice turned hard and he put his drink down on the table and grabbed my arm and drew me out of the room. “Don’t you dare go asking my family personal secrets about me again, do you hear?”
“What?” I looked at him in shock. “I just wanted…”
“I don’t care what you wanted.” His eyes were full of grief. “You do it again and you won’t get a penny of the $50,000, do you hear me?”
“It’s not about the money, Harry,” I whispered, suddenly cold.
“Do you remember when I told you I didn’t believe in soulmates?” he questioned me, changing the subject.
“Yes.” My voice was low and I tried to make eye contact but his eyes were vacant.
“Well, I lied. I do believe in soulmates. Angelica was mine but I f**ked up.”
“Oh.” I felt a sudden pain burning through me and I wanted to collapse to the floor in tears.
He looked at me then, really and truly looked at me and he whispered, “I’m sorry,” before walking out the front door.
I stood there with my heart breaking and tears dripping from my eyes and I wondered to myself if there was anyway that I could make this right.
Chapter 14
I didn’t go back to the dinner party after Harry left. I mean, how could I? It was awkward enough in the room before he left; I couldn’t face all of those people now that he had gone. I think I was going through the five stages of grief but in reversed order or something. My tears had dried up and the shock was gone but I was really angry. I was angry that Harry had just left me there. Without even telling me what was going on. I felt like he had deceived me. This wasn’t the easy homecoming, meet the girlfriend meeting that he had led me to believe it would be.
Harry had called me a liar so many times before but at least I’d always eventually been honest with him. He hadn’t given me the same courtesy at all. He was an ass**le and I wanted him to come back so I could tell him that. I was aching to let him have a piece of my mind. I walked to the family library and sat in one of the dark brown leather chairs. I didn’t want to go back to the room, not when there were so many memories of Angelica in there. Who was Angelica anyway? Had he gone to her? She’d most probably dumped him when she realized what an ass**le he was. It served him right, I thought. Then I bit my lip feeling guilty for my thoughts. I knew I didn’t want him to be in pain. Clearly, Angelica must have been a fool to have left him. I wouldn’t have made that mistake!
I stood up and went to look at some of the books on the bookshelf. I knew that getting lost in a good book would help me clear my mind. I just didn’t want to think right now. I couldn’t afford to think too much. Too many unfamiliar emotions and feelings were whirling around in me and I was confused and scared. My life had changed drastically in a week and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be okay. My eyes ran past the philosophical books, I didn’t need Kant or Mill telling me what to do. It didn’t seem to me that their advice had really worked on a large scale anyway. Utilitarianism my foot. Life didn’t work like that. No one was going to willingly make a decision to sacrifice their well-being and life for the sake of others. I mean, if I had to choose between having Harry all to myself and everyone else being miserable or to let him and Angelica be together happily for the rest of their lives, and everyone in the world aside from me would be happy as well, I would keep him all to myself. I sighed. I knew that ultimately I just wanted him to be happy and if that was with Angelica, then I guess I would accept it. I rested my head against the dusty leather-bound books and felt two tears run down my eyes. I was definitely in love. Really, truly, completely in love. It served me right that I would fall in love with a man that was completely closed off to me. It didn’t make me feel better knowing he was closed off to pretty much every other woman as well. Maybe the heartache would help me with my acting. I sighed and looked anxiously for another book that was not philosophy based. I needed to get lost in another world. I needed to not exist right now. I felt as if someone was pulling my insides apart slowly and I couldn’t stop them. And as they were pulling, they were yelling at me, “He doesn’t love you,” and “You’re not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.” I had to stop the voices. My eyes continued to scan the books and I sighed with relief when I spied Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, it was my go-to book as a child. And I knew that I would get swept back into that world as soon as I started reading. I grabbed the book and sat back down in the chair and sighed with relief as I felt myself being dragged into that world.
“I don’t know if I ever got over Beth dying.” Daisy’s voice interrupted my reading and I looked up to see her standing in front of me.
“Oh sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“My husband calls me Daisy the mouse.” She smiled at me. “He says I’m so quiet that even God couldn’t hear me if I was running towards him.”
“Oh.” I smiled weakly. “I’m sorry I left the room, I just…”