“You make it sound as if I want him.” Her voice grew hoarse. “I do not. I shall take no male unto my body or my heart.”
He shrugged. “That would be poetic. If you hadn’t already proven how great a liar you can be.”
The flare of pain in her eyes was something he refused to dwell on. Hell, for all he knew, she was just disappointed she’d gotten caught.
Jesus, if she had mated his brother, would she have expected these little rolls in bed to continue—
Stop it. Just cut the crap, he told his brain. Given the number of things he could legitimately beat himself over the head with, he really shouldn’t be adding hypotheticals to the list.
“How did you find out about this?” s’Ex asked. “This declaration?”
iAm looked over at the male. “A call came in to the audience house. It was from an unidentified number on an untraceable line, but more to the point, as no one else in Caldwell knows about my brother’s situation with the s’Hisbe—or the mourning period of the Queen—it had to be legit. There was too much inside information, and as for how they got the number? It’s no big secret.”
Interesting how he’d used the they there.
Yeah, he was beginning to feel vampire, not Shadow, regardless of his DNA. Then again, Wrath and the Brotherhood had offered him and his brother food, shelter, friendship, loyalty.
The s’Hisbe had only been full of demands and jails.
“When you go back there,” iAm said, “you can tell them my brother and I aren’t staying with the vampires anymore, and Wrath and the Brothers have no knowledge of where we have gone. We are going to disappear, and none of you”—he glared at the Princess—“will be able to find us.”
Another bene of this royal reveal of hers?
The one thing that might have torn him up at the idea of leaving, the one tie he might have had to here, was now gone.
Leaving Caldwell, leaving the United States, getting good and gone and staying that way was probably going to be healthy for him.
Shit knew they had enough money to go for a century even if they never earned another penny. And although he would be sad to see the last of the King and the Brotherhood and that whole household, if it avoided war, he was prepared to leave them.
He and Trez were out of here.
For good.
As iAm went over to the sliding glass door, Catra had to yell at herself not to run after him. It all seemed like such a nightmare, everything about the evening.
He did not look back at her as he left.
And even though she could not blame him, she wanted to cry out.
Closing her eyes, she bowed her head and breathed into her palms.
“Do not tell me you fell in love with him,” s’Ex said grimly.
Forcing herself to drop her hands and address the executioner, she met his eye. “Why were you here? You couldn’t have been following me. I was careful.”
He looked away. “I am not unfamiliar with this place.”
“You have been here before?”
“You are not the only one who wishes to be free from time to time. Those two brothers owed me certain … favors, shall we say.”
When he stopped there, she sensed there was pain in him. Deep pain. And she wondered if perhaps he had not been mourning his infant in this private place, mourning the loss that had been decreed by the stars.
Staring at the proud male, she found herself forming a kinship of sorts with him. She would ne’er have guessed he was unhappy or unfulfilled in his lot, and perhaps he was not. But he had had to sacrifice his own flesh and blood for the traditions … and for her mother.
Or been forced to, because of the stars.
“I am sorry,” she said.
“Whate’er for?”
“You are well aware of what.”
It was rare that a male such as he would duck eyes to avoid a stare, but he did that now. “I am unaware of what you speak.”
Refocusing, she knew they had to leave, and for several reasons. She was very clear, however, that this would be the last time she stepped foot in this place that held such memories for her. Though she had known iAm for mere nights, it had been … a lifetime.
Departing from here was like closing the door on the one bright spark she had e’er had.
“Let us proceed,” s’Ex said, as if he read her mind, sensed her emotions.
Without further conversation, they donned their hoods, went to the door, and stepped out. The wind was so strong and cold that it stole her breath away, and for a moment, she couldn’t concentrate and dematerialize. Soon enough, however, she was off along with s’Ex, traveling to the Territory.
When they re-formed, it was in the forest to the rear of the retaining wall. In her maid’s disguise, she would never have been allowed through the front entrance—
Something was wrong.
Several guards were clustered around the back entrance, talking with animation.
“Stay here,” s’Ex ordered. “And don’t argue with me.”
“They won’t know who I am.”
“Unless someone figured out you left.”
She had been careful, she thought.
Except … her mother was onto her, wasn’t she.
s’Ex took a step forward. Stopped. Pivoted around and indicated to the left. “There’s a secret panel about a quarter of a mile that way. I’ll meet you there as soon as I can.”
Catra frowned, and was curious when she had a sudden protective urge over s’Ex. The Queen’s executioner was more than able to take care of himself, however.
Unless, of course, he was somehow found sneaking her back in. Then he was in mortal danger.
“I regret the position I have placed you in,” she said.
“Regret is not a luxury you and I can afford. Go that way. I’ll get you to your quarters somehow.”
With that he strode off, not bothering to hide his footsteps. And at the sound of cracking sticks, the guards drew weapons, prepared to attack.
“’Tis I,” s’Ex announced.
The fact that the guards did not relax made her worried.
“You are wanted,” one of them said suspiciously. “The Princess is gone.”
“I know. I have been out looking for her.”
“AnsLai has been in search of you,” another added.
“Then I shall go to him now and make my report.” He dropped his voice to a threat. “Unless you are of a mind to attempt to prevent me access.”
“The Princess is not in her quarters,” a third repeated.
Catra swallowed hard. They still had not put their weapons away.
“Did you not hear that I have gone looking for her in the forest? She has been dressing as a maid. She could easily have gone out this way for a nocturnal stroll.”
With subtle movements, s’Ex reached behind his back, his hand finding a flap in his robing and ducking inside. When he casually retracted his arm, the biggest serrated knife she had ever seen emerged with it.
And yet his voice continued calmly. “She has no food, no shelter, no weapons, and she is not capable of existing on her own. Where exactly do you think she would go? It is far more likely that she is within the Territory, or even in the palace itself.”
“They said you helped her escape.”
“Who says?”
“AnsLai.”
Ah, yes, the high priest that was her mother’s other right hand.
Could this be an attempted coup against the executioner?
“Who exactly do you think ordered me to go look for the Princess?” s’Ex asked. “Or are you telling me that the Queen’s command is not as powerful as a priest’s? Is that what you would like me to carry back to your ruler? Because I will, along with your dead bodies.”
Instantly, everything changed, the situation defused, the guards resheathing their weapons, s’Ex tucking his blade into the folds of his robe at his thigh.
A moment later, he was inside the walls.
Standing alone in the darkness, Catra wrapped her arms about herself and shivered. As the cold night enveloped her, and the enormity of what was happening sank in, all she heard was iAm’s voice in her head:
My brother just lost his shellan.
She died in front of him, and he spent most of the day and some of the night preparing her body for a goddamn funeral pyre.
Then he got to watch her burn until there was nothing left but ashes on the cold ground.
And I just learned that your mother is prepared to attack the only people who have ever tried to take care of me and Trez if he isn’t delivered on her doorstep tomorrow at midnight.
For so long she had been in the shadows, a peripheral player to the true power of her people. As the heir to the throne, she was supposed to have no present influence.
That time had passed.
She had always respected the traditional ways. But having experienced heartbreak and loss personally? She couldn’t let this continue.
iAm’s hurt and anger had transformed her in a meaningful way. She had injured him, compromised him, lied to him. He was right; she had been selfish.
There had to be a way to stop all this. Stop the war. Allow Trez and iAm to be free. Let herself be …
Well, if not free, then at least not a poison that infected others and ruined their lives—all because of some astrological record that didn’t for one moment take into account personal choice, personal emotions, personal lives.