My mouth hung open.
“Whatever happens, you two must not bump uglies. I want your word on this.” Cue more finger pointing from Mal, this time with the added benefit of waggling. “It would make life impossible for us all.”
Anne’s mom fled the table.
“When did I ever say Lena and me were getting together?” With a long groan, Jimmy looked to the heavens for help. “Someone shut him up. Shoot him or something, anything.”
Ben scratched at his head. “Lena and Jim do fight a lot.”
David and Ev just looked mildly perplexed.
“So, hang on, should I be going or staying,” I asked. “I can’t keep up.”
“Oh you can’t go,” continued Mal. “Anybody, when was the last time Jim even had a friend, outside of us, who wasn’t either using with him or supplying him, hmm?”
After a moment, David shook his head. “Honestly can’t remember.”
“Back in school, maybe,” said Ben. “That kid who played roadie for us senior year?”
“God, you’re right,” said Ev, eyes bright with some emotion. “Lena’s his only friend. We can’t let her leave.”
“She’s not my only friend.” Color rose in Jimmy’s cheeks.
“Quiet, Jimmy,” ordered Mal. “The adults are talking.”
“But I don’t know if them getting together’s a good idea either,” said Ben.
“Or maybe you and Mal should mind your own business.” David slipped an arm around Ev’s shoulders.
“What couple doesn’t fight?” asked Anne.
“But she baits him, pumpkin,” said Mal. “I’ve seen her. She thinks it’s funny to stir him up. Wonder what that says about her.” His eyes glittered with curiosity.
I sat bolt upright in my chair. “Okay. I think this conversation has gone far enough.”
“You know, there used to be this girl in second grade who would always pick on me. But every time we played catch and kiss she’d come after me with everything she had.” He turned to Anne. “It’s alright, pumpkin. I was fast, she never caught me.”
“That’s a relief.” Anne smiled.
“I might have been a bit afraid of girl germs back then. But she reminds me of Lena with Jimmy. Did I tell you how Davie found them rolling around on the floor one day?”
“That was a professional intervention,” I said.
“Jim, just out of curiosity, how many of Lena’s interventions wind up getting physical? Do you find she often comes up with excuses to handle you, so to speak?”
“I do not,” I said, voice climbing in volume.
“Look how riled up she got when I tried to find out more about her,” said Mal. “That’s why you’re thinking about quitting, isn’t it? Afraid you’re getting too attached, maybe?”
“Mal, that’s enough,” said Anne. “Leave the poor girl alone.”
Anger surged, running hot through me. One of my buttons had most definitely been pushed. I jumped to my feet, sending my chair sliding back. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Fuck’s sake.” Jimmy’s stood and reached across the table, his hand snagging my wrist. “Calm down, Lena.”
“But—”
“Calm down,” Jimmy repeated. “He’s being an idiot.”
I huffed.
“Yeah,” said Mal. “Keep your lady friend under control, Jimmy.”
“Mal.” Jimmy gave our host flinty eyes of great unhappiness. His thumb stroked soothingly against the inside of my wrist, back and forth, back and forth. I doubt he even realized he was doing it. “I’m serious. This is Thanksgiving, enough of this bullshit.” He turned back to me. “Okay?”
The fight bled right out of me. Sad to say, it only annoyed me slightly that his petting worked. “Yes.”
Mal said no more. But he did give Jimmy’s grip on me a smug sort of smile. Damn, the drummer had been playing us.
Unfortunately, the attention made Jimmy also look down at his hand. The frown on his face when he found his fingers still wrapped around my wrist was almighty. Like the digits belonged to someone else. I tore myself out of his hold, beating him to the chase, and sat back down.
So many interesting things to look at in the room. The man across from me and whatever expression he might have on his perfect face didn’t even matter. For example, Anne was busy rubbing at her temples. If my boyfriend was that insane, I would probably rub at my temples too. Meanwhile, Lizzy was busy checking her phone while their mother Jan had yet to return to the table. Ev, David, and Ben were still discussing the likelihood of Jimmy and I being a couple. Wonderful, this dinner was officially hell. No amount of pumpkin pie could compensate and it was all Jimmy’s fault for raising the topic in the first damn place.
“Right. Shut up, all of you.” Jimmy banged his fist on the table, interrupting the conversation and making the plates and cutlery rattle. “Lena is not leaving and we are not f**king or whatever so all of you just … stop.”
No one spoke for about a moment.
Mal relaxed back in his chair, face unperturbed. “Then what’s all the drama for, man?”
“Christ.” Jimmy scrubbed at his face with his hands. “Look, Lena is thinking of leaving. But I’ve got an idea for how to get her to stay. Could use your guys help with it, actually. If we could all just act sane for one f**king minute of the day.”
So much dread, I could have choked on it. “Jimmy.”
“She does need to get out more. Meet some people,” he said. “So … Benny, you’ll take Lena out, won’t you?”
“What?” I flat-lined.
“That’s a great idea,” cried Ev, while David nodded in approval.
Ben gave me a big affable smile. “Sure, Jim. Love to.”
“Good,” said Jimmy, steadfastly refusing my attempts to get his attention. “Not tomorrow night, got plans for then. The night after.”
“Works for me,” said Ben.
“Cool. Where you thinking?”
“Hey.” I snapped my fingers in Jimmy’s direction. Rude but highly effective. “Stop it. I do not need you fixing me up with people.”
“It’s my pleasure, don’t worry about it.” He turned back to Ben.
“Jimmy,” I growled, warningly.
People looked back and forth between us, faces rapt. So much for a nice Thanksgiving, this was fast degenerating into a war.