Nick wrapped his hand around her wrist, his thumb stroking over her pulse point. “You’re going to let me go. You’re safer away from me.”
“Perhaps. But I doubt it. I know for certain I wouldn’t be happier. Funnily enough, these days, that really matters to me.”
He said nothing.
“Nick,” she sighed. “It will never belong in a Hallmark card, but I drove a car into a house and killed a man for you. You chained me up for days and I still wanted to come back and talk over our darkly sordid, slightly kinky, and a lot warped relationship. Face it, you’re stuck with me.”
His brows drew tight. “You’re high as a kite right now, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” She grinned. Actually, she felt pretty f**king fantastic now that she’d gotten her way. “Did you miss me? Admit it, you did, didn’t you.”
He gave her his exasperated face. The edges of his lips tucked down, brows drew in. Her poor, pretty boy. She couldn’t help but wonder if he’d take his shirt off for her if she asked. What an awesome idea. Maybe after she’d had a nap. Yeah, she’d be sure to ask him then.
“638,” she said.
“What?”
“638. You’re my honey. That’s where I’d shelve you.” Her eyelids drifted closed. “You won’t go anywhere, will you?”
“I can’t. We’re both in jail. You just saw to that.”
“Excellent,” she mumbled, settling back into the mattress. So damn tired, she could have slept for a year. “Good job.”
“Get some rest, sweetheart.” He pressed his lips to the palm of her hand. “I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Nick sat idle as Roslyn slept. He’d been staring at her, staring at the wall, feeling like shit. Getting her out had to be his first priority. But until she started working with him he didn’t like his chances. The woman could be bloody stubborn.
“You really care about her,” said ex-captain Sean, sounding mildly surprised.
Nick sat on the ground, his backs to the bars. “Noticed the medic has you wrapped around her little finger.”
Finn had taken off a while back and Sean sat in the office, reading a book by the light of a lantern. The sun had set about an hour back. Sean and Nick had always gotten on okay. They’d had a decent working relationship. While the big man could be rigid, he played fair. Military through and through. Nick had never been part of Sean’s inner circle, but he’d thought they’d understood each other. Being accused of the sort of shit Emmet was capable of had disgusted him. And worse, it made him feel vaguely ashamed. Because if he hadn’t been standing against Emmet, what the f**k had he been doing?
Good question. One he was finding increasingly hard to answer.
He kept catching himself grinding his teeth, cracking the joints in his fingers. Nothing about this situation was okay.
Sean smiled. “Roslyn seems pretty convinced that you’re trustworthy. That you wanted Emmet dead and we misjudged you.”
“Everyone wanted Emmet dead.”
“Not everyone.”
True. Justin and Pete had thought the lunatic was packed full of good ideas. Ideas about raping and murdering and all sorts of shit most people couldn’t stomach. Nick had wanted him dead. But he hadn’t stood up to him. He’d followed orders, just like he’d been trained to do. When he finally stopped to think for himself everything had long since gone to shit and he’d been hiding in a bottle for over a month. Something he’d have to live with for the rest of his life.
So many regrets. So much guessing about what was right and what was wrong. It all f**ked with his head.
“You ever think about the airport? The quarantine?” he asked.
Sean’s nostrils flared. “I try not to.”
“All those people.” Nick shook his head, hating the memory. Those first days of the plague were the stuff of nightmares. He could still remember the stink of fear filling the air, and the terror on people’s faces. Every five minutes a new command would be handed down with the latest contradicting the last. No one knew what was really going on, because no one knew how to stop it. They’d been screwed from the start. “They were terrified, didn’t know what to do. Who could blame them, faced with a field full of tents and people in masks, men shoving machine guns in their faces. I would have panicked too. Man, I would have gone ballistic.”
“Yeah.”
“Was it worth it? Us killing innocent civilians?” he asked. “They were just people on holidays. Wankers in business suits. They weren’t terrorists or anything and we had to shoot them in the back if they made a run for it. What the f**k does that make us? Not the good guys, that’s for certain.”
The captain didn’t answer straight away. He stared at his book with a heavy brow. “If we’d been able to stop the bug at that point, we’d have saved millions of lives.”
“Hmm.” It sounded nice, but the chances of it ever happening were nil. As many seaports and international airports as there were in the country and the amount of travel people did, keeping out a microscopic germ wasn’t possible. Maybe birds had bought it in. No one had figured out if animals could carry it too. There hadn’t been time.
“We had to try,” said Sean, his voice low. “We couldn’t just sit by and do nothing.”
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.” Nick snorted, hung his head. The prison bars pressed into his back. “We’ve done some dirty jobs over the years. Things that needed doing, but nothing like that. When did you start questioning orders, huh? When did it get too much for you?”
Sean just stared at him.
“Ever have trouble sleeping at night, captain? Or is your conscience perfectly clean?”
No answer.
Fuck him.
Nick turned back to Roslyn, watched the easy rise and fall of her chest. Her breathing calmed him. Her very existence gave him hope. Always had done, from the first time he saw her. He had no idea what life was for, couldn’t answer a single one of the big questions. But if he could keep her safe, make things better for her, then that would satisfy him. Make up for some of the blood on his hands. Funny, he could barely remember any woman that came before, but there wasn’t an inch of her he could forget.
“To answer your question,” Nick said, “yeah, I care about her.”
Sean set his book down and walked toward the jail cell. “Problem is, Nick, you can be a dickhead on occasion. You like acting up. Makes you less than dependable.”